Saw Old Fling, How to Proceed

[NSale]

I (29M) saw a girl (26F) I went on some dates with almost 2 years ago last night. I approached her and we caught up a bit, I thought it went really well.

When she was leaving she said "she'd like to see me again soon". Context: she ended it last time. I'm not sure if she was just being polite saying that as she leaved or what. l've kinda leveled up in looks since then, got in really good shape, etc. I followed her on Instagram later on and she reciprocated. I feel she has to make the move here if there's actual interest in rekindling, and it's really not fair to me to put myself in a vulnerable position given the history. Any thoughts on how to navigate this? Thanks!

[ShySoul]

Are you interested in seeing her again? Then ask to do something and see each other again.

Too often people make things into a power game, trying to make out who needs to be doing what, when, and how. People get so concerned with protecting themselves from being vulnerable that they end up being vulnerable anyway. They lose out on chances right in front of them because they thought they had to keep score.

When I was worried about how to navigate things, it kept me silent in fear of messing up or getting hurt. So nothing ended up happening and I got hurt anyone from never knowing what could have been. When I stopped caring and just did what I felt like, letting things go where they went, good things started happening. 

A woman once advised me to be in the moment. Enjoy what was there in front of me and go with the flow. I'd say to do the same. Don't expect fireworks or to rekindle a romance. You don't even know if she wants that. But don't sit back and let it be on her. For all you know, she could be doing the same thing, expecting you to say something because she doesn't know if you would accept her after last time. Interact as any two people would. Mutually reach out to each when you feel like. If you want to do something together, suggest it, with the aim of just reconnecting as friends. Should any rekindling happen, it will happen at it's own pace and you'll both feel it. Then you go with it.

[NSale]

@ShySoul It would be nice to see her again and catch up/see where it goes. I understand where you’re coming from, but I feel that she needs to make the move here. She rejected me, and it just feels creepy on my end to try and to ask for a meet up to be honest. I really like your outlook on it, but as a guy in today’s world with social media and how word gets around, it’s a bit of a scary thing to deal with! If we flipped the script, I’d 100% reach out if interested in rekindling after rejecting someone, it’s just not the case here. It’s more about respecting their choice and allowing a grown up to make a call on their own. Who knows, maybe she does want me to reach out, but I think I have to go with my gut and not swallow my pride.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why did she end it with you before?

[NSale]

@ExpatInItaly she said “something was missing”. I guess she just wasn’t feeling it at the time. 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, NSale said:

@ExpatInItaly she said “something was missing”. I guess she just wasn’t feeling it at the time. 

I personally wouldn't be interested in meeting her again, in that case. 

 

[flitzanu]

so what is it you want to gain from the encounter then?  you don't want her to think you're weak and vulnerable, are you trying to pursue a relationship or just trying to hook up with her because she dumped you in the past?

[NSale]

@flitzanu I’d be interested in exploring a possible relationship, but yes for her to think I’m weak and vulnerable is a bit scary. 

[NSale]

@ExpatInItaly what makes you say that? Just curious. Thanks!

[SurfCity]

8 hours ago, NSale said:

@flitzanu I’d be interested in exploring a possible relationship, but yes for her to think I’m weak and vulnerable is a bit scary. 

What's weak and vulnerable about asking someone on a date? 

[NSale]

@SurfCity she ended it last time. It’s kind of on her here, not me. I can’t chase again, it feels weird and unwanted.

[Gebidozo]

OP, were you actually together 2 years ago? How far did it go? Did you have sex?

Same question about the current reconnection.

Also, how would you describe your feelings for that girl?

You see, if you guys had a passionate connection 2 years ago, it blew over because something you did or didn’t do, and now you meet again and the mutual attraction is back - then, if I were you, I wouldn’t give a damn about how weak or vulnerable that might look to whomever, I’d be very active and do everything in my power to be with her.

If, however, it was just a couple of dates without much romantic stuff happening, and she said that something was missing, then I wouldn’t bother reconnecting with her at all. So again, the question of who initiates what would be irrelevant.

[flitzanu]

^^^ this.

if you like this girl and want to see where it goes, ask her out.

if she turns it down, then you have your answer, and there is no future with this girl and you don't have to wonder "what might have been".

or, don't.