Going to see male strip shows in secrecy when in a relationship

[mranonymous]

Hello everyone. This is something I have been thinking about, and i have some questions on how a husband should feel, if his wife goes to a male strip/dance show (Magic Mike) and keeps it a secret. Whilst it has been discussed and has been overcome, I wanted to ask peoples opinions on specific questions. I know the Google type responses which say "no" its not the same being a strip club etc- but my opinion is that there are still men taking off clothes, and women are still getting off on looking at the men all the same. 

 

1. If you went to magic mike, and they took their clothes off without the additional choreography', would you agree that it is a strip show?
2. If two or three men came back to your house in private, let's say the same men from that show- and they took their clothes off for you, in a sexy way (agreeing it is not to go further than that) husband then walks in to find this happening etc- would you consider it cheating in this scenario? Based on the fact that the woman is getting pleasure from seeing it.... Same exact performance just not on a stage etc. - 

Do you think its fair for your partner/husband to think this is on the cheating spectrum  Or is it just a nice show and nothing wrong at all?. Also to be clear that this is also something being hidden, for several months and is done when there had been a boundary set long before, agreeing that neither would go to a show to respect each other.

Thanks guys :) 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, mranonymous said:

If two or three men came back to your house in private, let's say the same men from that show- and they took their clothes off for you, in a sexy way (agreeing it is not to go further than that) husband then walks in to find this happening etc- would you consider it cheating in this scenario?

Yes, I would consider that cheating.

Personally, that’s a kind of thing I wouldn’t accept even if done openly, but especially because

4 hours ago, mranonymous said:

this is also something being hidden, for several months and is done when there had been a boundary set long before, agreeing that neither would go to a show to respect each other.

 

[Gina2005]

You shouldn´t care about others' opinions in this matter, if your partner crosses a line you traced, even if it's not considered cheating by half the people in the world, you and only you can decide that she did something that hurts you, and that she shouldn´t have done that if she really cared about you.

Did she cross a line? Did you specifically tell her which lines not to cross and she agreed? 

If so, I think everything is said and done.

[ShySoul]

It's really between the individuals in the relationship and how they define cheating and boundaries. There is every type of relationship out there and different people have different ideas of what is okay for them. The question is, what is it you are okay with? It's coming to a conclusion together, as a couple, and being able to respect each others wishes.

Shows like this aren't strip clubs, even if stripping is part of the act. Burlesque shows have a history. It's sensual performance. Personally, I don't have a problem with it. You can see a lot of this in everyday life. They made movies out of Magic Mike. Plenty of music videos feature provacative dancing from either gender. There are people viewing those things and getting off from it. Yes, there isn't as much clothing removed. But porn is pretty easy to access. So you get the same question. Is viewing porn cheating? For some it's yes. For others it's no. And again, that is up to the couple to decide what they are okay with.

In the end, I think what is the real problem is the lie. If it is something you both agreed not to do, then it doesn't matter if it is or is not technically cheating. It is a violation of the trust you place in someone. It is a betrayal, breaking their word to you. That is the deeper question you have to work out between the two of you. Why did they do it? Why did they not talk to you about it first? Can you forgive them? And how do you repair the broken trust?

[mranonymous]

Hi everyone who has taken the time to offer their thoughts, and thank you for being kind and non judgemental.

For me, I have always been insecure, a lot of this down to our own beginnings, and probably my childhood/anxiety which means I am more delicate than most im fully aware. I tend to catastrophise things, and because my wife had not been very 'all over me'/especially after kids where I was rejected over and over, I guess I have fear, and really felt uncomfortable with my wife viewing other men who are objectively more attractive than myself. When I pushed for more honesty, she agreed (after trying to steer away), that the men had awesome bodies, and she and her friends had been commenting on "he's hot" etc. Her friend ended up having a personal dance- literally next to my wife, and her friend touched the guys abs etc. Whilst the on screen stuff is also a valid point, the fear i have had over the years is that my wife may see/find someone who is more immediately attractibe and ditch me- hence my/our agreement with no strip clubs. I walked away from a strip club on my own stag do, because it felt so messed up, like it was this "one last bit of fun before freedom is lost", i completely disagreed and walked away, because marrying my wife was in no way a sentence and why would I seek it if im getting married. I got married because I really wanted to. 

 

To the point @ShySoul makes on films vs shows- i do think that a show is way more a threat, as its real people, that if someone wanted to, they could strike up a conversatuon with the dancer at some point, and therefore it could lead to something further, also when they come out to the audience offering more intimate dances, they can literlally touch/smell the dancers etc. I had communicated my anxiety to my wife, and she admits that she told herself this is just part of the day/only a tasteful thing she let herself do it. She said she didn't want to hurt me, but ultimately she didn't value my insecurities, and knowing that i would have an issue, she decided to go anyway, rather than risk the possibility of me saying no etc. She has since agreed that although it may be tasteful, she essentially went to have a perve on other men, with her friends. She initially said about the show aspect, and i said- why did you not all go and watch a performance like this where everyone keeps clothes on then. I think that the women going to these shows, justify it as being that, and try to push away the other, very obvious aspect of men who are taking their clothes off.... 

 

Anyhow, i know I have an issue I need to resolve, hopefully in time I can get more secure with both our efforts, and she fully accepts that she would never want to hurt me/lie to me again. We are going to renew our vows to each other next month, and agree to be better at looking out for each other and our feelings

 

[stillafool]

Of course that is cheating.  Why?

[ShySoul]

9 hours ago, mranonymous said:

I walked away from a strip club on my own stag do, because it felt so messed up, like it was this "one last bit of fun before freedom is lost", i completely disagreed and walked away, because marrying my wife was in no way a sentence and why would I seek it if im getting married. I got married because I really wanted to. 

You are a good man. You are loyal. When you feel bad about yourself for being insecure, try to reframe it in your mind. Look at all the positives. You are someone that loves and cares for her so much that you really do forego all others and only have eyes for her. 

I think that these shows and even strip clubs can be okay, provided both people in the couple can handle it. I even know of couples going together. The dynamics of why people go or why they work there can be complicated and isn't always the purely sexual idea that most probably have. But the important thing is that BOTH people agree to how they handle it and respect the other person's wishes. 

If it helps you, this was one night. She has given you a lot more. She chooses you each day, and is ready to renew her vows to you. She has admitted she shouldn't have done it. You seem to be trying to get through this and rebuild the trust, doing better. That's what love is. We make mistakes and do things we shouldn't. But we feel bad about it and try to make amends. As long as you are both pushing forward and communicating, listening to each other and being honest, you can have a great relationship going forward.

I really hope you do. 

[MsJayne]

On 7/29/2025 at 6:13 AM, mranonymous said:

1. If you went to magic mike, and they took their clothes off without the additional choreography', would you agree that it is a strip show?

Yes. Topless bar-people are a type of strip show, wet T-shirt competitions, all that type of thing comes under the same umbrella of a sex show though some are less sleazy than others. 

On 7/29/2025 at 6:13 AM, mranonymous said:

2. If two or three men came back to your house in private, let's say the same men from that show- and they took their clothes off for you, in a sexy way (agreeing it is not to go further than that) husband then walks in to find this happening etc- would you consider it cheating in this scenario? Based on the fact that the woman is getting pleasure from seeing it.... Same exact performance just not on a stage etc. - 

Unless I had an agreement with my wife that this was acceptable behaviour, (and I absolutely wouldn't), I would hit the roof.  I wouldn't even listen to the stupid excuses, ("I was drunk",  "I was just being friendly", "they're nice guys"), and if she dared to suggest that I was over-reacting you'd hear me explode from the other side of the planet. I would assume that she'd invited them to her home with the express intention of getting it on with at least one of them, and I would judge her accordingly. I'd be off to the divorce lawyer the next day,  and I'd also get myself checked for STD's. 

[mranonymous]

@MsJayne thanks for the input. Just to be clear, she just went to see a show, but i was sort of saying that would she agreed if it were at the home, then would it be cheating?  it seems like cheating. She agreed. My argument was then, why would it be any different going to see men at a show then.... ie in my opinion going to see men get their kit off at a show is still a form of cheating.. I know she told herself the same thing that the show markets itself as- ie a sensual, fun and aerobic performance, and because she was with a group of girls, it was a hen do etc- she didn't want to miss out on this part and not be with them etc etc.

 

It annoyed me, she knew i was insecure, but basically convinced herself she wasn't doing wrong, and decided to keep it from me because she deep down knew id say no way/have issues. I do kind of get it- as in lots of people can let their other halves go to these things without being upset, her friends all had the green light so she probably felt it would be unfair if she couldn't or something.

Years ago, I went to my stag and my friend tried to drag me and the group into a strip bar. 3 of us turned away as we all had wives/partners and it just didn't seem right, and it hurt that she didn't reciprocate, she could have said to the girls, ill go off and explore the area for an hour or two and catch you all after, but ultimately she kept telling herself it was ok, even though she felt guilty and deep down sort of knew it was foul play.

 

She broke the news to me the day before her friends wedding, and I just couldn't take it etc.

[MsJayne]

1 hour ago, mranonymous said:

She broke the news to me the day before her friends wedding, and I just couldn't take it etc.

Ah, ok. It’s a different scenario if it’s a hens party, you’re expected to go along with it or you’re considered to be a prudish killjoy or rude if you don’t do what the bride wants. In any other social scenario you’d have a right to be peeved, but when there’s a bride-to-be involved it can be socially tricky. Trust me, plenty of women think male strip shows are just crass bad taste and would rather not go, but there’s a whole lot of social pressure involved in wedding BS and sometimes you just can’t get out of it short of faking your own death, women’s social circles can be notoriously catty. I don’t think you should let it bother you, it’s not like your wife was the one who organised the evening. Look on the bright side, you’re not the unfortunate groom who’s marrying a woman who thinks strip joints are good entertainment. 

[mranonymous]

@MsJayne thank you. My wife tried to say that she prefers a man in rolled up sleeves/suit etc. I said ok cool, so if the dudes at the show were all chubby men in suits, you would still go to appreciate the atire and the performance. Eventually she admitted that she enjoyed seeing ripped men etc with her mates. Always hard work this lol, took me 30 mins trying to throw different examples to finally get it out that the real reason they went was to perve on men!

[Sony12]

Shows like this are far worse when they happen at a house than they are when they happen at a public venue as it is far more likely that the women will perform sex acts on the strippers if the show is taking place in a house. It could still happen in a public venue but the chances are slimmer. House parties are far more loose with the rules.

In the it really does just come down to the individual relationship. Some would consider it cheating while others wouldn't as long as they aren't actually having sex acts with the strippers. 

Women usually view these types of events differently than men do. It's usually not as sexually focused for the women as it is for the men. Women view it more as a social activity to do with their girlfriends. Whereas men are usually going to strip clubs 100% for the naked bodies.

If it is a tasteful club it's not as worrisome. A woman would be far more likely to give oral to a hot guy from the internet she is secretly talking to them she is a stripper from the nightclub.

Edited 19 hours ago by Sony12

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, mranonymous said:

to finally get it out that the real reason they went was to perve on men!

I mean, wasn't that already kind of obvious? 

You write this as though it's a big revelation. I'm a woman too, and have been to see male dancers a couple times for hen parties and once on a random girls' night out. Of course we were going to watch the hot men dance around half-naked. 

What would be the other reason to go? 

[mranonymous]

@ExpatInItaly thank you, yes it was more my wife trying to dodge around it and try to play it all down a bit

[mranonymous]

Hi all, thank you for everyone's replies. Here is the AI overview on the idea of a wife going to watch a strip show, behind her husbands back..

AI Overview

 

Yes, secretively going to a male strip club, despite an agreement not to go to strip clubs, is generally considered cheating in a relationship. This is because it involves a breach of trust and a violation of a mutual agreement. While the act itself may not be physical infidelity, the deception and violation of trust are key elements of cheating. 

Here's why:

Breach of Trust:

The couple had an agreement to avoid strip clubs, and one partner broke that agreement without the other's knowledge or consent. 

...

[mranonymous]

11 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Shows like this are far worse when they happen at a house than they are when they happen at a public venue as it is far more likely that the women will perform sex acts on the strippers if the show is taking place in a house. It could still happen in a public venue but the chances are slimmer. House parties are far more loose with the rules.

In the it really does just come down to the individual relationship. Some would consider it cheating while others wouldn't as long as they aren't actually having sex acts with the strippers. 

Women usually view these types of events differently than men do. It's usually not as sexually focused for the women as it is for the men. Women view it more as a social activity to do with their girlfriends. Whereas men are usually going to strip clubs 100% for the naked bodies.

If it is a tasteful club it's not as worrisome. A woman would be far more likely to give oral to a hot guy from the internet she is secretly talking to them she is a stripper from the nightclub.

Cheers. I think actually they are all the same thing, its just that due to shame etc, women try to hide behind the 'show element'. I asked my wife, if a male strip show went all the way, ie tackle being shown, and she said it wouldn't make it more exciting to her, and I just think that we need to agree that in essence, a male performance with dancing and removing clothing, is the same as a so called female strip bar. The audience are still there to get turned on all the same, I just think that women try to hide behind the other aspects, so that they dont feel as seedy for it all.

[Els]

Eh, if it was one time at a hen's night or bachelor party, your spouse didn't touch anyone, and your spouse wasn't the one who planned it, I'd give it a pass. Like others have said, there's a lot of social pressure surrounding these events, and sometimes people don't quite know what to do, especially if taken by surprise. But I'd also have conversations about boundaries and what to do the next time something like that comes up.

Edited 7 hours ago by Els

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Els said:

Eh, if it was one time at a hen's night or bachelor party, your spouse didn't touch anyone, and your spouse wasn't the one who planned it, I'd give it a pass. Like others have said, there's a lot of social pressure surrounding these events, and sometimes people don't quite know what to do, especially if taken by surprise. But I'd also have conversations about boundaries and what to do the next time something like that comes up.

Yep. Women generally go to these events just as much for the socializing with their friends aspect of it as they are going to check hot guys out. 

If there is one key difference between the way women approach strip clubs and the way men do is that women usually spend the evening laughing and telling jokes to their friends. While men sit their quietly and drool.