What is love?

[WikiYu]

Being loved or being loved is a word or expression taken so lightly that from one perspective it can be seen as hypocrisy. So many empty words, so many false moments. According to them or us, physical appearance doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, and deep down, we're living deceiving ourselves. I feel such a deep disappointment that I can't see myself loving, and it's extremely difficult for me to believe anyone's words, I even doubt my own. I'm falling into such a deep sea that I feel I've become asexual to a certain extent. No one is to blame for things being this way; that's nature, but it's not so nice to try to fit in or join the crowd because there are no other options. I never lost faith, if anything, they destroyed my faith. Thank you, thank you!!

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, WikiYu said:

According to them or us, physical appearance doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, and deep down, we're living deceiving ourselves.

According to whom?

Physical appearance matters to most of us, especially during the initial phase of attraction. Problems begin only when it matters too much, to the point of not seeing the person behind the facade.

Money does matter in the sense that if you have none, not trying to earn any, and depend on your partner financially, it may create unhealthy dynamics.

 

1 hour ago, WikiYu said:

I feel such a deep disappointment that I can't see myself loving, and it's extremely difficult for me to believe anyone's words, I even doubt my own

Disappointment in what?

Your ability to love doesn’t depend on the amount and the severity of the previous relationship failures. It depends on your state of mind and soul.

Why is it difficult for you to believe anyone’s words?

 

1 hour ago, WikiYu said:

I never lost faith, if anything, they destroyed my faith.

Who did? How?

[ShySoul]

17 hours ago, WikiYu said:

According to them or us, physical appearance doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, and deep down, we're living deceiving ourselves.

Physical appearance doesn't matter. It's all subjective and superficial. Looks fade with time. Money doesn't matter. People with a lot of money can be jerks and people with no money can be kind and caring souls. You can't take it with you when you go and it won't make you happy in the end.

What matters is who we are as people. It is how we treat others.

17 hours ago, WikiYu said:

but it's not so nice to try to fit in or join the crowd because there are no other options. I never lost faith, if anything, they destroyed my faith.

Who says there are no other options? Why try to fit in because you think you need to?

Love is understanding. It is seeing and accepting people for who they are. It is not expecting them to be anyone or anyway. If you have to change yourself to fit in, then it's not a crowd you should be a part of.

I have spent my life as the anomaly who doesn't think like anyone else. Very few people have ever really got me or even taken the time to know me. At times I have felt alone and had my faith in people crushed. But I refuse to give up. I know who I am and I like who I am. I care about others. If people don't see that, it is there problem. I won't let it beat me down. I will continue to be me and love myself. And I find that there are a lot of people who feel the same, outsiders who don't fit in. 

Don't give up. Believe in yourself. Focus on being happy in your own life and eventually you will meet people who understand you and like you just as you are.

And if there is anything specific that is causing you to feel this way, feel free to say it. Maybe we can help cheer you up.

[basil67]

23 hours ago, WikiYu said:

According to them or us, physical appearance doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, and deep down

I think it does matter at a base level.   If a person is long term unemployed, or is in massive debt due to bad money management, it absolutely matters and I would not form a relationship with them.   And if a person doesn't make an effort with their physical appearance (daily showers, clean hair, clothing in good condition) they will certainly struggle.  

[ExpatInItaly]

15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I think it does matter at a base level.   If a person is long term unemployed, or is in massive debt due to bad money management, it absolutely matters and I would not form a relationship with them.   And if a person doesn't make an effort with their physical appearance (daily showers, clean hair, clothing in good condition) they will certainly struggle.  

I agtee. 

The above is not irrelevant in dating - it matters. Now, OP,  these factos might not matter in the sense that one need not be a supermodel or Bill Gates to find a partner. But it would be naive to pretend that the ability to tale care of one's self (physcially and financially, and barring extenuating circumstances such an illness or some such thing) doens't affect their ability to attract a suitable parnter. It absolutely does, and with good reason. 

On 7/26/2025 at 7:11 AM, WikiYu said:

According to them

On 7/26/2025 at 7:11 AM, WikiYu said:

they destroyed my faith

Who are they/them? You speak in very vague terms but being more specific might help us guide you better. 

[ShySoul]

On 7/25/2025 at 10:11 PM, WikiYu said:

According to them or us, physical appearance doesn't matter, money doesn't matter, and deep down, we're living deceiving ourselves.

There is a term called soulsexual, for people who fall in love with and are attracted not to how someone looks, but to the soul within them. There are also plenty of people who are best friends for years and never notice how the person looks, but eventually find themselves falling in love with each other.

I have also known many couples where one side doesn't have a job or doesn't make that much money. My sister had a handful of jobs that didn't make all that much and eventually stopped and homeschooled their daughter who had learning disabilities. My mother stopped working to take care of me. I had a sister in law who stopped working to care for their daughter who was dying at age 4/5. A friend went years in her marriage without work. And when I was first loved by someone I didn't have a job or much money and was struggling to find work. In none of those cases was money the important factor in the relationship. What was important was being with someone who cared about and understand you, who supported you, and who wanted the best for you.

Relationships can take many different forms. What is important to one person may not be important to others. You can't generalize or say something is right or necessary for everyone. In the end, the only thing I believe is necessary is respect. I'd say under that comes love, honesty, trust, and communication. Everything else is up to what the individuals involve choose to believe. 

Who is telling you this stuff? What is going on in your relationships? I'd love to help more if you could provide more details.

[WikiYu]

I truly appreciate your responses. I'm not attacking anyone. But I'm being frank. Love is hypocrisy in general. Generalizing and totalizing are different things, since I understand that there are people who are capable of truly loving. There are anomalies, but as I said, I lost my faith. It was destroyed by so many people who are only with others for poor physical appearance or for a measly amount of money. I don't understand how they are incapable of respecting those who bring so much sustainability and well-being to their lives. On top of that, the mediocre and poor mentality supports this type of actions, or worse, those people who believe they deserve everything just because they are physically attractive. I refuse to love in this world with such a rotten society where the good fruits must have shields so as not to let themselves be harmed by others until something similar appears. I've already given up, I'm not interested. I refuse to enter into a relationship with someone or fall in love, that will never enter my head, I don't want offspring or anything like that. These cause my asexuality and it's not that I'll never have sex but it's simply that. I see sex as a human need or rather something animal that I would love to repress but that's how biology is, it's something impossible but while I only see sex as that, literally sex, a biological need, no kisses or hugs or words, that no longer exists in my mind but I appreciate your help

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, WikiYu said:

Love is hypocrisy in general.

Love can’t be hypocrisy, because love is objective reality, not human behavior. You probably want to say that some people are hypocrites in matters of love. Or that some people pretend to be in love. That’s an altogether different thing.

 

1 hour ago, WikiYu said:

I've already given up,

That’s your choice,  but your reasoning is completely wrong. You make it sound like people are obliged to fall in love with specific other people regardless of how they look like. It’s not how it works. People can’t help who they fall un love with, and falling in love with a person to whom they are physically attracted is not hypocrisy.

If you could be more specific about what exactly happened to you to cause such negative thinking with clearly flawed logic, maybe we’ll be able to help you.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/2/2025 at 7:24 AM, WikiYu said:

I've already given up, I'm not interested. I refuse to enter into a relationship with someone or fall in love

That's fine. 

So what advice are you looking for?