He asked me out, but his texting is cold and confusing – what does he even want?

[ACh]

A guy approached me while we were both waiting for a train — we ended up stuck there for a couple of hours. Surprisingly, we hit it off immediately. We talked about everything from family and work to psychology and deeper topics. At one point, he asked if I had a boyfriend, so there was definitely some flirting or curiosity there.

Eventually, he offered to give me a ride since we were headed in the same direction (a three-hour drive). I agreed. The conversation continued just as intensely in the car — it honestly felt like great chemistry. Along the way, we stopped for a break, and that’s when something shifted in me. I suddenly realized it was 3 a.m., I was in the middle of nowhere, and I didn’t actually know this guy. I got quiet, probably a bit guarded, and he noticed. He seemed confused by the sudden change in my vibe.

Still, after he dropped me off, he messaged me to check if I got home okay. I replied warmly, but his answers were short — no follow-up questions, nothing to continue the chat. It felt unexpectedly cold after such deep conversations. Then… silence. For a whole week.

I was thinking of messaging him to say I’d be open to that date he mentioned earlier, but given the silence, I figured he’d lost interest.

A week later (coincidentally right after I changed my WhatsApp profile picture to a selfie), he messages me asking how I’m doing — again, short and kind of detached. Then the next day, he asks if I’d still be interested in going out. But he suggests 2 PM? Who schedules a first date in the middle of the afternoon?

Now, two days before this supposed date, I haven’t heard anything else from him.

To add to the confusion, he told me he’s only in the country for two more months due to work, so I’m wondering — if he’s just looking for something short-term, why not try to meet in the evening when there’s a bit more romantic potential?

I’m honestly just confused. I’m used to guys being more warm or consistent over text — maybe calling sometimes, or at least keeping the momentum going. This? It’s just all over the place.

TL;DR:

Met a guy at a train station and had a deep, exciting convo for hours.

He gave me a ride home (3 hours) and asked me out.

I got nervous during the ride (3 a.m., middle of nowhere), and he noticed the shift.

After dropping me off, he messaged to check in but was oddly cold and short.

A week of silence. Then after I changed my WhatsApp photo, he messaged again — still distant.

Asked me out for 2 PM on a random day but hasn’t followed up at all.

He’s only in the country for 2 more months — if he’s after something casual, why not plan a real date at night?

I’m confused by the lack of warmth and communication. What does this guy even want?

[ExpatInItaly]

If he's only in the country for 2 more months, I don't think I would be interested in going on a date - unless you are looking for something very casual and short-lived. Are you? 

1 hour ago, ACh said:

He’s only in the country for 2 more months — if he’s after something casual, why not plan a real date at night?

I don't get your thinking here, to be honest. To me , an afternoon date seems a lot more casual than a real date at night. That lines up with someone wanting casual. A more official night-time date seems, well, not that casual.  Or are you referring to him maybe wanting casual sex, and a night date being more conducive to that? I also don't think there's anything that unsual about his texting habits. You two are strangers, after all, and not everyone texts the same way they have conversations. He's also leaving soon and probably not that invested in keeping momentum going or calling and so on. You agreed to go out, so that's fine. I would keep your expectations very low, though. 

But honestly? GIven how anxious you already seem about this and you two havem't even gone out yet, I'd ask yourself if this is really a good idea. 

[ACh]

29 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If he's only in the country for 2 more months, I don't think I would be interested in going on a date - unless you are looking for something very casual and short-lived. Are you? 

I don't get your thinking here, to be honest. To me , an afternoon date seems a lot more casual than a real date at night. That lines up with someone wanting casual. A more official night-time date seems, well, not that casual.  Or are you referring to him maybe wanting casual sex, and a night date being more conducive to that? I also don't think there's anything that unsual about his texting habits. You two are strangers, after all, and not everyone texts the same way they have conversations. He's also leaving soon and probably not that invested in keeping momentum going or calling and so on. You agreed to go out, so that's fine. I would keep your expectations very low, though. 

But honestly? GIven how anxious you already seem about this and you two havem't even gone out yet, I'd ask yourself if this is really a good idea. 

Yes, I’m actually fine with something short-lived and casual but that’s part of why the early daytime date confused me. If that’s the vibe, why not suggest something later in the evening?

Also, just for context: I’m in Norway, and here, late evening dates usually signal something more casual — often even a hookup (not that I’ve had many). So when he proposed an early “adult” daytime date, it felt more serious or intentional, which threw me off a bit.

As for the texting, I get that people communicate differently and that’s fine. But if you’ve had a really deep, warm, emotionally open conversation in person, going completely cold over text right after just feels... odd. In my opinion, that’s not normal.

Edited Saturday at 04:43 AM by ACh

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, ACh said:

just for context: I’m in Norway, and here, late evening dates usually signal something more casual — often even a hookup (not that I’ve had many). So when he proposed an early “adult” daytime date, it felt more serious or intentional, which threw me off a bit.

And that makes sense - but where is he from? It might not be the same from his perspective. In any case, I am not sure the time of the date matters much. He isn't going to be there very long, so you can either enjoy whatever it is while it lasts, or decline to meet. 

1 hour ago, ACh said:

But if you’ve had a really deep, warm, emotionally open conversation in person, going completely cold over text right after just feels... odd. In my opinion, that’s not normal.

Well, we'll agree to disagee there. I don't put much stock into people's texting habits. You also went from warm to cold during the conversation itself, don't forget. That likely felt odd to him, too. I get your reason, but it was still a sudden turnabout that probably threw him off.

Anyway, if you have all these doubts and anxious feelings, going out with him is probably not a good idea. You don't seem compatible, and it doesn't seem as though casual or short-lived would actually work wel for you in this case. 

Edited Saturday at 05:53 AM by ExpatInItaly

[ACh]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And that makes sense - but where is he from? It might not be the same from his perspective. In any case, I am not sure the time of the date matters much. He isn't going to be there very long, so you can either enjoy whatever it is while it lasts, or decline to meet. 

Well, we'll agree to disagee there. I don't put much stock into people's texting habits. You also went from warm to cold during the conversation itself, don't forget. That likely felt odd to him, too. I get your reason, but it was still a sudden turnabout that probably threw him off.

Anyway, if you have all these doubts and anxious feelings, going out with him is probably not a good idea. You don't seem compatible, and it doesn't seem as though casual or short-lived would actually work wel for you in this case. 

He’s Russian. I’m open to enjoying whatever this is for as long as it lasts. But it would feel better to know what he’s actually aiming for, just so we’re on the same page.

I tend to get anxious when things feel inconsistent and confusing.. just how it is. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, ACh said:

He’s Russian. I’m open to enjoying whatever this is for as long as it lasts. But it would feel better to know what he’s actually aiming for, just so we’re on the same page.

I tend to get anxious when things feel inconsistent and confusing.. just how it is. 

So there might indeed be cultural differences here, too. I live in Italy (from Canada) and the way people date and communicate can be quite different from what I was used to at home. 

All you can do is see how the date goes, and take it from there. I wouldn't stress too much in the meantime. 

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, ACh said:

Also, just for context: I’m in Norway, and here, late evening dates usually signal something more casual — often even a hookup (not that I’ve had many). So when he proposed an early “adult” daytime date, it felt more serious or intentional, which threw me off a bit.

I think the opposite.  A day date is far more casual and friendly than a night date.  Night dates are for romance and hooking up.  That's how it is in the USA.

[Sanch62]

17 hours ago, ACh said:

if you’ve had a really deep, warm, emotionally open conversation in person, going completely cold over text right after just feels... odd. In my opinion, that’s not normal.

Well, he's probably just as confused because you went cold on him, and that's how you left things. I also don't understand what you interpret a daytime date to mean; in Norway, does that strictly imply an afternoon romp in a hotel room, as opposed to a meal and a walk in a park?

If you do opt to accept a date, I'd show up and lighten the mood by making fun of myself for getting sleepy and bottoming out during your travels. See how well you can recapture the simpatico you both started with, and if you can't, then just don't bother dating him again.

[ShyViolet]

I don't get why you are making such a big deal about him suggesting 2pm for the date time.  I don't see what is so weird about that.  There is no law that says dates can only be after dark.  I really think you are overthinking that part.

As for his texting habits, some people are just not into texting.  You should judge his vibe based on the chemistry you had with him in person.   The fact that he still texted you to ask you out on the date shows he is still interested.

 

[BaileyB]

Personally, I’m trying to understand why you got in the car with a stranger - that’s not a wise or safe decision.

As to your concern about the proposed 2pm date - I think you are overthinking this. If you like the man and you want to go on a date with him, roll with it and see how it goes… Only time will tell, no point in stressing because you are not going to change the outcome. If he is interested, he will pursue this and you will know. 

Edited Sunday at 11:44 AM by BaileyB

[Gina2005]

You are in Norway but he is Russian, why don't you ask him why did he proposed that time of the day for your date or even better, why don't you propose him a different time that suits you better?