Speedy79 Posted July 25 Posted July 25 I was visiting my father in a rehab facility a week ago, and his "bunkmate", C, had a visitor around my age, A, who spoke zero English, but told C she thought I was cute. After she left, C told me she was very single and said I should ask her out. I speak a little of her language so I figured why not. He asked me for my number to give to her, so I did. The next morning, she texted me hello. I introduced myself and asked if she'd like to get coffee. She said maybe, so I figured the language barrier scared her. I told her we could get to know each other first with a little texting and she said she'd prefer that. The problem is that getting her to reply more than two or three words was like getting blood from a stone. The questions were pretty one-sided, with me asking her. She had to get to work so I wished her well and that was that. At 1am she texted me good morning. When I woke up and saw the text, I replied good morning and asked what her plans were for the day. Crickets. The next morning at 2am she texted me good morning again. I replied when I woke up and asked how things were going. Crickets again. The next morning I texted her good morning first. Almost 36 hours later I got a reply saying "Good afternoon, how are you?" I have no idea why this woman decided to text my number in the first place if she flakes on meeting for coffee and ignores half of my texts. It's like a weird game. Why even reply? C told me she's probably just timid, but I have no clue how we're supposed to communicate over coffee if she has no time for texting and can't answer simple get-to-know-you questions? I have a strong inclination to just not reply anymore unless she actually wants to initiate a conversation.
basil67 Posted July 25 Posted July 25 I agree. Don't ever put effort in if it's not being reciprocated 1
Gebidozo Posted July 26 Posted July 26 2 hours ago, Speedy79 said: I have no idea why this woman decided to text my number in the first place if she flakes on meeting for coffee and ignores half of my texts. It's like a weird game. Why even reply? Many women find it difficult to strike an appropriate tone when they reject a man’s advances, especially over text. They are sometimes afraid to hurt the man’s feelings, or perhaps elicit a violent reaction from him. So instead of sending a clear rejection text, they become evasive, hoping that the man will take the hint. Some women just stop replying at all. In your case, she probably thought complete silence was too rude. So she replied in an exceedingly lukewarm fashion, avoiding an actual meeting, probably thinking that way things will smoothly dissipate by themselves.
ShyViolet Posted July 26 Posted July 26 You already tried asking her out and she did not say yes..... she basically said no. So stop wasting your time with this.
Author Speedy79 Posted July 26 Author Posted July 26 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: You already tried asking her out and she did not say yes..... she basically said no. So stop wasting your time with this. C had told me to try again, she's just shy...yadda yadda...that's why I kept trying, plus she kept texting me sporadically so I was confused. Today I told him that the words and actions don't match.
Author Speedy79 Posted July 26 Author Posted July 26 3 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Many women find it difficult to strike an appropriate tone when they reject a man’s advances, especially over text. They are sometimes afraid to hurt the man’s feelings, or perhaps elicit a violent reaction from him. So instead of sending a clear rejection text, they become evasive, hoping that the man will take the hint. Some women just stop replying at all. In your case, she probably thought complete silence was too rude. So she replied in an exceedingly lukewarm fashion, avoiding an actual meeting, probably thinking that way things will smoothly dissipate by themselves. That's what I had thought but tonight I let her text me and took a couple of hours to reply since I was doing things. When I didn't reply after half an hour, she found and messaged me hello on WhatsApp. If she was hoping I'd take the hint, why message me on a second platform, you know? But I'm sure you're right. Still weird that she texted me in the first place if she wasn't interested.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26 Posted July 26 This is clearly a dead end. Her interest is toi low and you two won't be able to properly communicate anyway. I wouldn't waste any more time here.
enterthevoid Posted July 26 Posted July 26 If she flakes the first time, I'd ask again. But if she flakes a 2nd time and makes no effort to reschedule, I'd delete her # and talk to other women.
Gebidozo Posted July 26 Posted July 26 7 hours ago, Speedy79 said: C had told me to try again, she's just shy...yadda yadda...that's why I kept trying, plus she kept texting me sporadically so I was confused. Today I told him that the words and actions don't match. I really don’t like it when some men ascribe disinterested behavior or even rejection on a woman’s part to shyness. What I’ve witnessed time after time is quite the opposite: women actually agreeing to dates and delaying rejection for fear of hurting the man’s feelings. But feigning disinterest when there is actual interest due to shyness? I’ve never encountered that. The shyest girls whom I’ve dated or who were otherwise interested in me always found unambiguous ways to show me that they were, in fact, interested.
Sanch62 Posted July 26 Posted July 26 I can only speak for myself, and I wouldn't enjoy a language barrier on a date, much less try to message with someone who doesn't respond to my questions and has already turned down my invitation for a coffee. I'd skip this.
ShyViolet Posted July 27 Posted July 27 23 hours ago, Speedy79 said: C had told me to try again, she's just shy...yadda yadda...that's why I kept trying, plus she kept texting me sporadically so I was confused. Today I told him that the words and actions don't match. Well that's terrible advice. When someone doesn't respond positively to being asked out, you take the hint and move on. You don't keep chasing after them and asking again. That is ridiculous.
Author Speedy79 Posted July 27 Author Posted July 27 9 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Well that's terrible advice. When someone doesn't respond positively to being asked out, you take the hint and move on. You don't keep chasing after them and asking again. That is ridiculous. C had said that Latina women want to know the man will fight for them and and take it as a gauge of their interest. I told him first of all, what's there to fight for...I don't even know her, and second, in the USA, no means no. I heard the same "Latinas want you to fight for them" thing from another person a couple years back, when I was turned down for coffee. Found out later that she had a boyfriend all along.
Gina2005 Posted July 27 Posted July 27 (edited) If you are still interested, try asking personal questions to get to know her as if you two were just chatting, instead of asking her out or asking for her plans for the day, probably, she wants to know you better before anything. I repeat, if you are still interested Edited July 27 by Gina2005
Author Speedy79 Posted July 27 Author Posted July 27 (edited) 35 minutes ago, Gina2005 said: If you are still interested, try asking personal questions to get to know her as if you two were just chatting, instead of asking her out or asking for her plans for the day, probably, she wants to know you better before anything. I repeat, if you are still interested I have in the beginning, but her responses were all over the place. She'd either give very short answers or would ignore my question, replying the next day saying "good afternoon how are you". And I wasn't asking anything intrusive either. A friend of mine saw the messages and thought it was A.I., with how stilted her responses were. If she wants to know me, she can ask some questions as well. Edited July 27 by Speedy79
Gina2005 Posted July 27 Posted July 27 16 minutes ago, Speedy79 said: I have in the beginning, but her responses were all over the place. She'd either give very short answers or would ignore my question, replying the next day saying "good afternoon how are you". And I wasn't asking anything intrusive either. A friend of mine saw the messages and thought it was A.I., with how stilted her responses were. If she wants to know me, she can ask some questions as well. You should just stop contacting her then, even if she is interested, it seems like a lot of work. 1
ShyViolet Posted July 27 Posted July 27 1 hour ago, Speedy79 said: C had said that Latina women want to know the man will fight for them and and take it as a gauge of their interest. I told him first of all, what's there to fight for...I don't even know her, and second, in the USA, no means no. I heard the same "Latinas want you to fight for them" thing from another person a couple years back, when I was turned down for coffee. Found out later that she had a boyfriend all along. Yeah I think that's ridiculous. People will say a lot of silly things and you can't listen to everything that people say. Especially generalizations about people's race/ethnicity. 1
Sanch62 Posted July 27 Posted July 27 48 minutes ago, Gina2005 said: You should just stop contacting her then, even if she is interested, it seems like a lot of work. Yep. Dating is supposed to be a voluntary, enjoyable experience. Are you having fun right now? Do you envision this turning into fun? Don't let anyone talk you into doing what doesn't feel right for you. When I was young, I had a peanut gallery of friends and family who wanted their own versions of what is best for me, and by trying to cater to that, I made myself miserable. Nobody else is living our love lives for us, so nobody else gets a vote. Bet on yourself to follow your own intuition and find your own dates without any meddling from anyone else. 2
Author Speedy79 Posted July 30 Author Posted July 30 (edited) Well, on Sunday she texted me asking how I was doing. I replied telling her how my weekend went, and asking how her weekend went. She left me on read for three days. And just now she texts, ignoring my last question and asking how I'm doing again. I hate to be the bad guy and blow someone off but I'm kinda over this. Edited July 30 by Speedy79
Sanch62 Posted July 31 Posted July 31 4 hours ago, Speedy79 said: Well, on Sunday she texted me asking how I was doing. I replied telling her how my weekend went, and asking how her weekend went. She left me on read for three days. And just now she texts, ignoring my last question and asking how I'm doing again. I hate to be the bad guy and blow someone off but I'm kinda over this. Yeah, I hear you. She's tone deaf, and there's nothing enjoyable about that. You don't owe her anything; I'd just stop replying. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31 Posted July 31 5 hours ago, Speedy79 said: I hate to be the bad guy and blow someone off but I'm kinda over this. The bad guy? She has no problem ignoring you for days at a time. I don't thiink she cares. Just stop this nonsense texting, and don't take any more bad advice from this friend of yours. They don't know what they are talking about. 1
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