Dependant gf

[Ceee]

Hello!

I've been together with my girlfriend for two months. It's great between us and I love her. The problem is, she's extremely invested in this relationship, to the point she keeps telling me it's the only thing important in her life and she's already planning for us to move together. She messages all the time, is extremely jealous...

But for some reason, the more she's talking about commitment, the more I'm thinking of leaving. It's scaring me, and I hate the idea of planning so far ahead (even though I know I'd love to spend my days with her).

She's pretty unstable mentally, and I know breaking things with her would probably break her too (like she said).

I don't know what to do, I feel like a total bastard.

Please help, and thank you for reading !

[Gebidozo]

If you already think of leaving her after only two months, then of course you should just leave her. It’s going to be much more painful for both of you if you do it later.

A person who says a romantic relationship is the only important thing in their lives, who is jealous and keeps putting pressure on their partner, who exaggerates and blows things out of proportion when the relationship has barely stated, is not fit to be in a mature relationship.

You aren’t her therapist and leaving her won’t make you a “bastard”. On the contrary, stringing her along and giving her hope while secretly wanting to leave her is the unethical thing to do.

[Sony12]

37 minutes ago, Ceee said:

Hello!

I've been together with my girlfriend for two months. It's great between us and I love her. The problem is, she's extremely invested in this relationship, to the point she keeps telling me it's the only thing important in her life and she's already planning for us to move together. She messages all the time, is extremely jealous...

But for some reason, the more she's talking about commitment, the more I'm thinking of leaving. It's scaring me, and I hate the idea of planning so far ahead (even though I know I'd love to spend my days with her).

She's pretty unstable mentally, and I know breaking things with her would probably break her too (like she said).

I don't know what to do, I feel like a total bastard.

Please help, and thank you for reading !

For starters you are in the 13-17 age group. Both of you are far too young to be thinking about anything so seriously. Best to break up with her if she is acting like this. She's likely just as young as you are and will become more mature the older she gets and the more experienced she gets.

[Ceee]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

If you already think of leaving her after only two months, then of course you should just leave her. It’s going to be much more painful for both of you if you do it later.

A person who says a romantic relationship is the only important thing in their lives, who is jealous and keeps putting pressure on their partner, who exaggerates and blows things out of proportion when the relationship has barely stated, is not fit to be in a mature relationship.

You aren’t her therapist and leaving her won’t make you a “bastard”. On the contrary, stringing her along and giving her hope while secretly wanting to leave her is the unethical thing to do.

I really do love her though, and I don't want to cut contact! Which I know will happen with her dating history.

Thank you so much for replying though this is really helping.

[ShyViolet]

It's been only two months of dating, and she is already showing this toxic, crazy side of herself.  If you have any sense you will end this relationship now.  There are so many red flags here.  She's pretty unstable mentally?  What on earth are you thinking being with a person like that?  It will only get worse.  

40 minutes ago, Ceee said:

and I know breaking things with her would probably break her too (like she said).

Do not let her emotionally blackmail you into staying with her by using toxic BS like this. You are not her psychiatrist, her mental health is not your responsibility.  Get away from this girl before she makes your life hell.

[Sony12]

Just now, Ceee said:

I really do love her though, and I don't want to cut contact! Which I know will happen with her dating history.

Thank you so much for replying though this is really helping.

You are too young to know what love is. End things with her and just find someone to have fun with. Think about falling in love with someone a decade from now.

[Ceee]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

For starters you are in the 13-17 age group. Both of you are far too young to be thinking about anything so seriously. Best to break up with her if she is acting like this. She's likely just as young as you are and will become more mature the older she gets and the more experienced she gets.

For the record, I'm sixteen and she's eighteen. (She has already made an attempt because of a bad breakup.) But yes, I get that! And I want to mature before doing anything serious. Thanks a lot

[Gebidozo]

1 minute ago, Ceee said:

I really do love her though

It’s too early to be thinking in such grand terms after only two months.

Obviously, after you break up with her, you’ll need to cut off contact. Her behavior is toxic and manipulative, and she might seriously hurt you even after you’re no longer her boyfriend.

 

[MsJayne]

53 minutes ago, Ceee said:

I feel like a total bastard.

That's because her manipulative behaviour is working on you. She's way too needy, clingy, and controlling, and you need to get out now before she brings out the big guns and starts making you responsible for her entire life. 

[smackie9]

Run! I mean run for the hills. She's emotionally immature, and not stable enough to sustain a normal happy relationship. Get out NOW! And for the love of god (if you are a dude) stop having sex, she's gonna make sure she gets pregnant to try and keep you. 

Edited yesterday at 12:37 AM by smackie9

[Gina2005]

What do you mean with moving together? 

Like in the immediate future, or, in some years from now?

[Ceee]

3 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

What do you mean with moving together? 

Like in the immediate future, or, in some years from now?

As soon as my studies are finished, so in three years probably 

[Gebidozo]

9 minutes ago, Ceee said:

As soon as my studies are finished, so in three years probably 

It’s insane to plan three years ahead after having been in a relationship for two months.

You need to end this before things get even worse.

[Gina2005]

26 minutes ago, Ceee said:

As soon as my studies are finished, so in three years probably 

How can she possible know what she wants to do in three years?

[Sanch62]

She's already emotionally blackmailing you, and this will only get worse, not better.

I understand you think you love her, but some people are best loved from far away.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Ceee said:

It's great between us and I love her

No, things are most certainly not great between you. It sounds very suffocating, unehalthy and unreasomable. 

You are 16. This is way, way too much for a persom your age to deal with. What she is doing is not right, and you would be wise to exit this relationship. She has problems you aren't equipped to deal with, nor should you try. You are too young for that, and even as an adult, this woud be unaccpetable of her. 

There is no way this is going to last. I would be kind  but firm when you break up with her. 

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Ceee said:

But for some reason, the more she's talking about commitment, the more I'm thinking of leaving. It's scaring me.

That’s because you have the wisdom to know - emotionally stable people don’t behave this way in relationships. They don’t attach themselves to another person in this way after only two months of dating. They don’t focus on a relationship to the exclusion of all else. And they don’t plan a future with someone weeks into a new relationship. 

She is waving a red flag so big that you should be able to see it a mile away… I would suggest that you speak with a family member or someone that you trust, someone who can support you to make the best decision for yourself. 

Edited yesterday at 04:18 AM by BaileyB

[Ceee]

8 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

She's already emotionally blackmailing you, and this will only get worse, not better.

I understand you think you love her, but some people are best loved from far away.

I don't think I'm able to leave her tho. She'll most definitely hurt herself, and probably our mutual friends.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Ceee said:

I don't think I'm able to leave her tho. She'll most definitely hurt herself, and probably our mutual friends.

You need to talk to an adult. Talk to your parents. Or a teacher. Please talk with someone who can help.

It’s not ok that she is threatening to hurt herself if you end the relationship. That should not be your responsibility.

You need to consult someone who can help you to navigate this difficult situation. Today. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Ceee said:

She'll most definitely hurt herself

You really need to talk to an adult you can trust about this. This way beyond the scope of what someone you age can manage. 

4 hours ago, Ceee said:

probably our mutual friends.

Why would she hurt your mutual friends if you broke up with her? 

[Ceee]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

You need to talk to an adult. Talk to your parents. Or a teacher. Please talk with someone who can help.

It’s not ok that she is threatening to hurt herself if you end the relationship. That should not be your responsibility.

You need to consult someone who can help you to navigate this difficult situation. Today. 

I don't have any adults who could help. I'm getting a bit scared rn too, I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

I'll see what I can do, thank you very much!

[Sanch62]

3 hours ago, Ceee said:

I don't have any adults who could help. I'm getting a bit scared rn too, I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

I'll see what I can do, thank you very much!

If you attend a school together, seek out a school nurse, guidance counselor, or anyone who works in an administrative capacity for their recommendation about who is best to consult with information about a suicidal threat that could include harm to yourself or other students.

They will advise the right person, and you can ask them to arrange that meeting for you immediately, along with an appropriate team of responders to help this person.

Edited 16 hours ago by Sanch62

[MsJayne]

12 hours ago, Ceee said:

She'll most definitely hurt herself,

Maybe so, but it won't be because of rejection, it will be because she needs appropriate intervention. People with this type of mental health disorder are incapable of loving another person because they have distorted perception, so you need to stop going along with her fantasy because you're not helping her by doing that. It's sad, but it's not your job to be her life jacket. 

[basil67]

I understand your fear, but the longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.  You can be honest, or invent a white lie.   If she threatens to hurt herself, call emergency services immediately and they will go check on her and give any help that is needed.