I am just being Used

[Yuri101]

Hello There,

She always talks to me nicely at work. Whenever she needs help, she asks me, shares a desk with me, and all that. But outside of work, she usually chooses others\\, people who aren't even that kind and can be pretty rude.

When we leave the office, she often lies to me. She joins others while telling me she just wants to take a bus with less crowd. She’s done this more than once , saying different things each time.

Lying to who? The one who helped her. When everybody was leaving after finishing their work, I stayed extra just to help her. I saw her as an innocent soul who needed help—she was new to all this.

When my best friend ghosted me, I was really broken. I had decided I wasn’t going to get close to anyone again—not more than casual friendships. But after a long time, I finally felt like I could have a best friend again. In simple words, I was kind of happy to have a friend like that. I have so many things to share like my thoughts, my writings. I thought I finally have someone to share them with... but NO.

I’m kind of disappointed, sad, and surprised. One of my colleagues was asking today, “Why are you doing things so slowly these days?" :(

[Gebidozo]

Are you looking for friendship with that woman or are you interested in her romantically?

You sound as though the two of you have agreed to date each other and now she’s dating other men and you’re jealous.

But in reality, you are just colleagues. She doesn’t owe you anything. She is free to be friends or to do date whoever she wants to. You shouldn’t take this so personally.

As for “using” you, simply asking for help is not “using”. If she were sleeping with you only so that you’d help her, then yes, that would be “using” you. If you don’t want to help her because of how she treats you outside of the office, just don’t help her.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Yuri101 said:

I finally felt like I could have a best friend again.

I am sorry your former best friend treated you that way. Howvever, I don't get why you thought this woman could be your best friend. It sounds as though the only contact you have is at work, as colleagues. 

5 hours ago, Yuri101 said:

When we leave the office, she often lies to me. She joins others while telling me she just wants to take a bus with less crowd.

My guess is that she knows you have a crush on her and she's tryig  to politely keep her distance. 

5 hours ago, Yuri101 said:

I have so many things to share like my thoughts, my writings. I thought I finally have someone to share them with... but NO.

Again, it's not clear why you thought this woman would be filling that role in your life. You don't sound close to each other. I would encourage you to try to foster other friendships outside the work place. If you're not willing to do that, there it not much anyone can really help you with. 

It seems you built up some expectations about what your connection to her is, and it would be wise to keep more perspective.

[stillafool]

On 7/24/2025 at 5:39 PM, Yuri101 said:

I saw her as an innocent soul who needed help—she was new to all this.

Is she quite a bit younger than you, how old is she?

 

On 7/24/2025 at 5:39 PM, Yuri101 said:

she often lies to me. She joins others while telling me she just wants to take a bus with less crowd. She’s done this more than once , saying different things each time.

Are these people her age?

[Yuri101]

What? 22 if you are asking age

[MsJayne]

What has she done or said that you interpreted as her seeking friendship outside of work? What do you feel she lied about? 

[stillafool]

On 7/26/2025 at 1:41 PM, Yuri101 said:

What? 22 if you are asking age

How old are you Yuri?  I'm asking because if there is a large age gap that maybe why she's backing off of a friendship with you.  She may think you're at different stages of life and you wouldn't be a compatible friend for her.   However, at work, your knowledge and experience are helpful to her and she values your help.

[Alpacalia]

Some people are friendly at work because it’s practical (you’re helpful, reliable), but they don’t want deeper ties outside. She may see this as a work friendship, while you hoped for more.

Be cordial at work but stop going out of your way (e.g., staying late) for someone who doesn’t reciprocate.

(Side note: Your colleague’s comment about “doing things slowly” might be a sign this is draining you more than you realize)