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Boyfriend confessed that he is “incapable” of having my back.

babybrowns

By babybrowns
in Dating

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

This guy isn't even your boyfriend, OP.  He's not your partner. 

You said no to be being official. Remember? 

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Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted (edited)

Oh my god, someone said something disrespectful about you on a group chat! This completely warrants expecting your boyfriend (edit: or "not-boyfriend", I suppose) to jump to your aid and gang up against that person like you're all 12 in a school yard, right?! 🙄

OP, if you hadn't mentioned your age, I would genuinely have expected you to be in your teens. Do you know what adults do when someone says something disrespectful in a group chat or ANY form of online medium? They block that person. Seriously I can't imagine how a 35-yo woman would want to even be wasting her time engaging with this person in a group chat, much less expecting her boyfriend to be joining in on this time-wasting endeavor.

You're being a drama queen. Your not-boyfriend isn't standing there watching you get physically assaulted by people you can't run away from. He's just a normal person expecting you to do the normal thing for a person your age - which is to use all the tools at your disposal for dealing with annoying people online.

Edited by Els
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Acacia98 Established Member

Acacia98

Posted
Posted

OP, I'll weigh in with my two cents: I think you and this guy are incompatible. You seem to have a list of expectations you expect your guy to meet, but this guy doesn't meet them. When he's being his normal self, he's not masculine enough for you. The solution is not to harangue him into changing himself to make you happy. It's to accept that he's not the one for you, break up with him, and ultimately try to meet someone who is closer to your ideal.

You wouldn't go out of your way to date a white guy and find fault with him for not being black enough, right? Nor would you go out of your way to date a high school dropout and expect him to reason like a PhD holder, right? So why would you expect this guy to transform into the opposite of what he is?

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