is this the end or a pause?

[Heli]

I dated my boyfriend for a year.(he is 30,im 24)Things were good,he was very supportive and kind to me.But after I met his mom,he slowly started pulling away.Im naturally shy with new people and I think she misintrepeted my quietness.During almost 10-minute meeting she just asked about my job and that is all.She even left without saying goodbye and the flowers I gave her.

After that situation he became distant.He said that he felt like a zombie and was emotionally drained.I noticed he started following one Instagram model and liked her photos.I would have said nothing,but he always asserted that girls shouldn’t be like this on social media and all those speeches about how being modest is important for girls.To be honest,this made me feel disrespected.When I brought this up without aggression by asking why he did that,he`d unfollow her,no problem.But emotionally,he kept checking out despite my attempts to solve problems and be together.At that moment of life,I was struggling with my job and health issues,but despite that,i cared about my boyfriend.Eventually,I offered to break up and he agreed with saying “I hope we wouldn’t regret”.To be honest,I didn’t want to end things,but I felt like I was the only one holding on this relationship and I was just a burden for him.

Later,he messaged me and I gave him another chance,hoping he had realized something.But our conversations never felt real again.Once he thanked me as I tolerated him well during this crisis and he is just like that,but on the next day he said that I was always blaming him,even though I was only expressing hurt without attacking.Then I left him in peace for a week.

He texted me again and our last conversation ended with him writing “OK” in all caps when I said that I tried to understand him and then went silent without answers.I really have no clue if I did something wrong.Is this the end or a pause?I guess this thing with crisis was because of his mum`s reaction,but he never explained to me even though I asked about that and said that Im ready to save this relationship.

On social media posts of his friends,they are hanging out together and he seems fine while im left without any answers.Its been a week of no contact and im so confused.I just need a clarity

[swirlingcloud]

To my understanding you two already broke up following that you two tried to make some closure afterwards. I don't think you'll get more wiser than that dealing with him as he seems to me to be messed up in more ways than one. He has treated you infairly. For a guy at age 30 having a 24 year old gf he seems to me to not be mature enough like you would expect a normal 30 year old guy to be. Not your fault. He seem to be like his mom that too seem odd to me. Any normal mom can identify with you being shy. 

I am sorry to say it like this but do not expect clarity, a closure with quality when you are dealing with someone who was not classy throughout your relationship. He is not able to be give you that after your break up either. It isn't him. He can live his whole life and still not know how to act right as he keep on choosing wrong, as wrong is what he is. Not your problem. Not your journey.

Hon, you deserve someone like yourself. Be happy he is gone, he and his mama.

 

 

[swirlingcloud]

I forgot to reply what I think he thinks if it is a pause or still break up. You came into wanting the closure talk with a hope he had changed and you two would end up together again. Turns out he had not changed and the way he has been replying to you too shows he has not changed. What does it matter if he texts or calls or what ever it now is he can do if he has not changed? I think he thinks you two are not on a break, you two have already broken up and you have not said yes either of you to get back together. I am thinking it is not a pause. 

I have to get back to this mom thing. When a guy change like that because of his mom. Over you being shy. Then that is a red flag. 

There has been 2 people in my husbands life that I can say for sure wanted me out. I had not done anything to them. He never changed his attitude towards me. He never withdrew. Instead we have had this history of him running after me, much, I gathered to their dismay. There was never no reason for me to get insecure, that was alone, if so, in my head.

I would say your ex has a strange relation with his mom for withdrawing like that from you. 

Edited July 23 by swirlingcloud

[ShyViolet]

If he's making you feel that he isn't into you anymore and is acting all cold and distant, then it shouldn't be a "pause", it should end for good.  Why would you settle for someone who is cold and distant and makes you feel like you aren't good enough?  Good riddance to this guy.  Have higher standards for yourself than this.

[ShySoul]

To try and consider his side, has there been anything going on in his life that maybe has him not in the best of emotional states? He did point out that you tolerated him, so he realizes he has some of the blame in this. If he is going through something, it might explain a short temper or trying to pull away as he might not be in the best condition to have a relationship or not know how to handle himself right now.

However, he stil should be willing to talk. A relationship takes two people. It shouldn't fall all on you. The question isn't what he is thinking, it's how do you feel and what do you want? Do you really want this is to be a pause? Or do you want this to be a breakup? Do you honestly feel you were being treated right? Do you really want to get with him or are you just seeking answers for closure?

I think it is more about closure, which is understandable. The problem is that it can only come when both sides are ready to talk about it. As much as we want to talk, the other person may not be able or willing to. I've been there myself. It hurts. But you will be okay. The important thing is to not worry so much about what he is thinking or doing. Instead, focus on doing things to make yourself feel better. Find a way to have fun. The hurt will slowly lessen. And either he will eventually reach out (he did it before) to make amends (happened to me) or you will end up enjoying yourself to much to be worried about it anymore.

Sorry you are hurting. Please, take care of yourself.

[stillafool]

It's over.  He knows you want to get back together but he is too cowardly to tell you that he doesn't want to.