How to get women attracted to me?

[mishraV]

I am a 21 year old man who has never had a gf. I just wanna experience love, sex, and intimacy but im shy, am broke, have shattered self confidence due to bullying. i keep crying about it and feel miserable. I have been going to a therapist but it isnt working. I need help with women. I talk to them like people but im still having issues. 

[Gebidozo]

As long as you continue to cry and feel miserable about not having love, sex, and intimacy, you won’t have success with women.

You need to find a better therapist. You need to increase your self-confidence and self-respect. You have to learn how to feel good about yourself even when you’re single. Then you can start dating.

Romantic partners can’t be your therapists. You can’t load women with your issues and hope you’ll be magically healed once you have a girlfriend. 

[MsJayne]

2 hours ago, mishraV said:

I need help with women. I talk to them like people

Interesting turn of phrase, I'm glad that you treat women as "people". May I ask why you would make that particular statement? It comes across as you not seeing women as equal to men, and I know in some cultures this can be the case so this may be relevant to your problem. What sort of bullying have you been subjected to? Is it within your family, or by your peers? 

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, mishraV said:

I am a 21 year old man who has never had a gf. I just wanna experience love, sex, and intimacy but im shy, am broke, have shattered self confidence due to bullying. i keep crying about it and feel miserable. I have been going to a therapist but it isnt working. I need help with women. I talk to them like people but im still having issues. 

What is your life plan? Do you have a diploma? have you learn a trade? If not than that should be putting your focus on that. Therapy will not work if you don't take some actions to better yourself. Self-esteem grows as we win little battles here and there. Hit the gym or take on karate or learn piano or join a squash team, anything where you can keep track of your accomplishments. 

Edited Tuesday at 01:10 AM by Gaeta

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, mishraV said:

I need help with women. I talk to them like people

As opposed to...?

[Sanch62]

6 hours ago, mishraV said:

I have been going to a therapist but it isnt working.

Therapy isn't like a car wash where we can pay money to come out feeling clean and fabulous. It's work, and it's your own work that you do outside the therapist's office as well as inside of it. It's long-term work that can feel lousy and messy at times. Not even the best therapist in the world can live your life for you and do this work FOR you.

A therapist can't fix you up with women or fix your financial difficulties or supply you with self-confidence. They can be a sounding board, they can offer you tools and techniques to help you cope with past trauma, they can help you with long-range healing of your inner wounds.

But therapy is not a quick fix to your dating situation. There are no quick fixes for that. It's a long-term goal that may require you to invest in healing first. If there is information that you want from your therapist, ask for it. If they can't help with it, ask them for a referral to someone who can.

[enterthevoid]

You don't get people attracted to you.  They either are or aren't.  The decision is up to them.  

It's not about trying to persuade women into being attracted to you.  But rather you just want to put yourself out there as much as possible until you find ones who are attracted to you.  If someone isn't into you, don't take it personally; move on and meet others.

Improving confidence and social skills will help a lot.  Therapy is a step in the right direction but it will take time, and as other commenters said, you need to take action; going to therapy alone won't fix you.

[enterthevoid]

On 7/21/2025 at 9:06 PM, Gaeta said:

What is your life plan? Do you have a diploma? have you learn a trade? If not than that should be putting your focus on that. 

His career and his dating life are two totally different questions.  

There are lots of broke people who have active dating lives or are in happy relationships. 

There are also lots of successful people in careers, but haven't really dated much because they put so much energy into their career. 

Yes, improve your career.  But that's not going to be a panacea for dating.  You can have a good dating life right now.

Edited Thursday at 09:12 PM by enterthevoid

[smackie9]

On 7/21/2025 at 2:23 PM, mishraV said:

I am a 21 year old man who has never had a gf. I just wanna experience love, sex, and intimacy but im shy, am broke, have shattered self confidence due to bullying. i keep crying about it and feel miserable. I have been going to a therapist but it isnt working. I need help with women. I talk to them like people but im still having issues. 

Not all therapists are the same. If you don't feel good with this one, go try another one. What I see with you is you are suffering from self image issues, some depression, PTSD, anxiety. Shyness is a form of anxiety so a different type of therapy is probably needed. In the meantime, find an outlet like learning to play guitar, working out, or take up writing/keep a journal, create a good friendship/ social group, etc. You need to interact with positive people. I was bullied in junior high, but as an adult you realize not everyone is a d-bag, that there are nice people out there...those are the ones you let into your life. Take it one day at a time, you will get there.