dsadsaddasd Posted July 18 Posted July 18 Hi everyone. I'm going through something really hard, and I decided to share my story here. Maybe someone can relate, or maybe my experience will help others see some things more clearly. I was in a relationship with a girl for two years. These were very important years for me — I loved her deeply, tried to build something real, stayed by her side through hard times. She was my first serious girlfriend, my first kiss, my first intimacy. She knew all my secrets. I gave her everything. But in the end, she chose to leave. She said I didn’t do enough for her: we didn’t even go to a cafe, there weren’t enough gifts, flowers, or jewelry. Yes, I did buy her things — but I was constantly struggling with money, actively searching for work, trying to get on my feet. Maybe I really did do too little for her. But the gifts I gave weren’t cheap — I saved up for them. Today, I went to her with flowers, begged her to stay. She told me she doesn’t love me anymore. Said that for the past few months it wasn’t love, just attachment. After she told me we needed to break up, she immediately started accepting gifts from other guys and going out with them. Her eyes were empty — that destroyed me. Just one day later she was already with someone else. That broke me even more. She told me I started doing “nice things” too late — that I should’ve done it at the beginning of the relationship. She compared me to her friends’ boyfriends. Even to her father. It hurt so much to hear that. She said she doesn’t see anything wrong with already going out with other guys. To me, it feels like betrayal. Like complete loneliness. Right now I can’t eat, I have no appetite, my whole day has been horrible. Sleepless nights, nerves shot, racing thoughts. Flashes of memories with her… constant thoughts of her. I want to forget everything, but the pain won’t let me. I want to feel clean again, to escape this, but it feels impossible. I came to her with my heart open, with sincerity and love — and I got coldness and words that shattered my heart. I feel like I missed something important, even though I tried my best. She’s already with someone else. And I’m left alone with a million unanswered questions. She even posted a story kissing a new guy — literally a day after our breakup. And not just anywhere — exactly where she knew I’d see it. That crushed me. I want to learn how to let this go. I want to stop thinking about her all the time. I want to move on. This post is just my way of releasing some of this pain. If you're reading this — thank you. I hope no one has to go through the same thing. Take care of love, if you have it.
basil67 Posted July 18 Posted July 18 (edited) The way to live on is to allow yourself time to grieve, and then start living your life. The thing I noticed here is that you're pining after a materialistic woman who is upset that you didn't buy her stuff even though she knew you had no money. Is this really the kind of woman you want? But I'm also wondering if you didn't ever come up with nice activities which were low cost. And did she ever pay her own way? This is the 21st century, so don't ever attach yourself to a woman who won't ever pay. With the job search, are you open to flipping burgers or stacking shelves in a supermarket? Because being able to show work history, no matter how basic, is the secret to getting a good job. Edited July 18 by basil67 1
Gebidozo Posted July 19 Posted July 19 You dodged a bullet. A woman who breaks up with you because you didn’t buy enough things for her and immediately goes on to accept gifts from other men is not someone you’d want to be seriously involved with. I know it hurts now, but with time you’ll be able to see this as a valuable lesson. Don’t date people with materialistic mindsets again, it will only bring you further misery and deep disappointment. This was only your first relationship. Those almost always end up in a breakup anyway. You have plenty of time to explore other relationships and eventually find a partner that suits you best. I found such a partner only at the age of 45.
swirlingcloud Posted July 19 Posted July 19 (edited) I'm sorry. The way she behaves is showing you exactly who she is. You are a better person and better ex and yea, better everything than what she is about. She has not appreciated the true quality of something truly worth while, the quality you are and gave. Be happy she is gone. She is superficial, immature, selfish, rightious. Maybe one day or maybe never she will wake up after been treated badly by other guys and realize what she walked away from. I hope by then you have found your equal and that if she shows up you close the door on her. To be loved by someone like her is not a love I would appreciate. To be loved by people that you know are good people, who has good qualities about them that is a love you want. Edited July 19 by swirlingcloud
Lotsgoingon Posted July 21 Posted July 21 I don't hear anything about the inner quality of the relationship. You sound infatuated with her. I'm not hearing anything about why she was so great. BTW: staying with someone through hard times is NOT the purpose of dating--and sometimes, doing so is just destructive. That's for a long-term relationship.
MsJayne Posted July 21 Posted July 21 Sorry it hurts at the moment, but everything you've described sounds like she's watched one too many romance movies and you've dodged a bullet in the long-term.
ShySoul Posted July 21 Posted July 21 On 7/18/2025 at 1:02 PM, dsadsaddasd said: She said I didn’t do enough for her: we didn’t even go to a cafe, there weren’t enough gifts, flowers, or jewelry. Just one day later she was already with someone else. That broke me even more. She told me I started doing “nice things” too late — that I should’ve done it at the beginning of the relationship. She compared me to her friends’ boyfriends. Even to her father. It hurt so much to hear that. She said she doesn’t see anything wrong with already going out with other guys. My first love broke my heart. She said I didn't do enough. She compared me to previous relationships and to what her friends had. She compared me to this idea of what she thought a relationship was. But the very thing that drew her to me in the first place was that I wasn't what she was used to. Those other guys broke her heart. With me she knew I wouldn't hurt her or cheat on her. She knew I didn't have the money or ability to show her the fancy things, but that what I did do was stand by her though all kinds of crazy stuff, giving her my heart and soul by just being there and listening or showing her compassion. Still, it wasn't enough for her. When she finally called it off she didn't just go out with other guys. Within a month she got engaged to a guy she barely knew, had met online, and had only had visit her for one weekend. A month after that they got married. (It didn't work out... surprise. ) I spent night after night in tears. I didn't want to live. I felt just like you do. It's rough. It's hell. But you do survive. And going through that I found someone better. But more then that, I found myself. I found that I had the inner strength to survive. I realized that I had been there and cared for her, that I knew how to have a real relationship and that I was worthy of having someone, someone who could fully appreciate what I had to offer. Just as you deserve that. It is okay to be hurt. Cry those tears. Scream in agony. Get angry and curse at her. Have a fantasy of being together. Healing takes time and is not linear. Every emotion is part of the process. It is you working it all out. Try to carve out time to just do things that make you happy. Take it day by day. Slowly you do feel better. You see it's not the end of the world. And remember, just because she appears to move on, doesn't mean she has. It doesn't mean everything is perfect in her life or that these new guys will work out for her. My girl was masking a lot of hurt and self esteem issues. She later came back and admitted it to me. Your's probably is as well. Try to find the balance of not hating her for what she did, while realizing that you don't deserve to be treated that way. Wish her well and just concentrate on building your own life and happiness without her. Hang in there. Losing your love is torture. I wish I could take that pain from you. Just know you've got people who care and are here to support you if you need anything, even if it's just to talk or vent.
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