"No romantic connection" rejection message yet again

[max3732]

As I've posted for years now I keep getting the "no romantic connection" rejection message after dates. This one is a little different in that she said she'd like to play tennis with me, but not date me.

After I messaged her on her profile she said she likes that I play tennis and has played her whole life. So I invited her to play and get something to eat, which we did. 

She plays ok. Not as well as the guys I play with, but she can keep the ball in play so the tennis part is fine.

During the conversation when we were at the restaurant across the street I messed up. With my adrenaline pumping from playing and being around her I got too excited and talked way too much. It wasn't like I talked about myself the whole time ... I asked her a lot of questions, but didn't probe as deeply as I should have and instead every time she said something I used it as a springboard for something else about me. 

Another thing I did and I don't know why was when she mentioned getting on the app shared some of my experiences with fake accounts, women just in town on vacation, etc and mentioned going to some singles events in person. She said something like "wow. You're really trying"

At the end she said she'd really like to play again and when I invited her out she gave me the infamous "no romantic connection" message that infuriates me and makes me want to throw my phone against the wall, but also gave her number and said she wants to play if I'm up for that.

Is there any harm in playing with her and see if maybe she knows someone or changes her mind if she gets to know me?

[Sony12]

I think you are taking these first meets way too seriously. Even for the most attractive and charismatic of people they will usually only have a portion of the people they go on first dates with want to go on a second and so on.

The hard truth is is that a lot of these people on these apps already have someone that they are interested in. And some of them aren't even interested in becoming interested in someone. I imagine the lady in your story here just enjoys having someone to play tennis with and that was the main reason she agreed to meet. Going beyond that was likely completely secondary in her mind and she very well may not have been looking for it at all.

Just continue to go on dates but don't take them so seriously. Infact going on an activity date probably isn't the best thing to do on a first meet up. Just plan to meet them for a lunch or a drink and if you seem to mutually like each other then bring up an activity date.

[Els]

51 minutes ago, max3732 said:

she gave me the infamous "no romantic connection" message that infuriates me and makes me want to throw my phone against the wall,

You've been advised to go to therapy multiple times. How's that working out for you?

Your response is a MASSIVE overreaction to a polite decline for a second date, and is also a massive red flag. You may think that you're hiding this part of yourself well, but I guarantee you that you aren't.

I'm just going to repeat this: If being declined politely for a second date literally infuriates you to the point where you want to react with physical violence, you're exactly the kind of person that all women are going to be (wisely) advised to avoid. You need to work on this. Romantic rejection can be disappointing, and that's a normal response. But if it makes you angry, you absolutely need help with anger issues (and probably some deep-seated issues with women and entitlement to boot - but that's for your therapist to find out).

And if that wasn't clear enough... no you obviously shouldn't accept her invite because you both want different things, and how do you think you're going to react when she DOESN'T change her mind after playing tennis with you a few more times? 

Edited Tuesday at 07:50 PM by Els

[max3732]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

I think you are taking these first meets way too seriously. Even for the most attractive and charismatic of people they will usually only have a portion of the people they go on first dates with want to go on a second and so on.

The hard truth is is that a lot of these people on these apps already have someone that they are interested in. And some of them aren't even interested in becoming interested in someone. I imagine the lady in your story here just enjoys having someone to play tennis with and that was the main reason she agreed to meet. Going beyond that was likely completely secondary in her mind and she very well may not have been looking for it at all.

Just continue to go on dates but don't take them so seriously. Infact going on an activity date probably isn't the best thing to do on a first meet up. Just plan to meet them for a lunch or a drink and if you seem to mutually like each other then bring up an activity date.

Thanks! It's just a bit frustrating because of the endless swiping, messaging, and even in person activities I've been doing to finally get on a date with someone and then to hear the same line almost word for word every time

[max3732]

2 hours ago, Els said:

You've been advised to go to therapy multiple times. How's that working out for you?

Your response is a MASSIVE overreaction to a polite decline for a second date, and is also a massive red flag. You may think that you're hiding this part of yourself well, but I guarantee you that you aren't.

I'm just going to repeat this: If being declined politely for a second date literally infuriates you to the point where you want to react with physical violence, you're exactly the kind of person that all women are going to be (wisely) advised to avoid. You need to work on this. Romantic rejection can be disappointing, and that's a normal response. But if it makes you angry, you absolutely need help with anger issues (and probably some deep-seated issues with women and entitlement to boot - but that's for your therapist to find out).

And if that wasn't clear enough... no you obviously shouldn't accept her invite because you both want different things, and how do you think you're going to react when she DOESN'T change her mind after playing tennis with you a few more times? 

Just to be clear it does not infuriate me to the point of wanting to throw my phone against the wall, but is very frustrating to hear the same copy/pasted rejection message year after year for a decade. Rejection itself isn't what gets me angry, but the copy/pasted generic message. If someone gave me something specific they didn't care for it wouldn't bother me. 

Obviously you haven't met me, but my problem if anything is I don't get angry enough and go with the flow on things that aren't important. I'm one of the most stable, even tempered people in the world.  

 

 

[Sony12]

A lot of times those types of lines is just a line they give to most everyone. Most don't have specific reasons why they don't want to continue on with someone. They just know they don't want to.

Look at it this way. Would you prefer them saying that there isn't a love connection or would you prefer them saying that they want to sleep with someone hotter than you? Would you prefer them saying that they are already banging someone who they know isn't a good match for them but they just enjoy the sex too much to end things. Would you prefer them saying stuff like that?

Edited Wednesday at 02:51 AM by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

Rejection itself isn't what gets me angry, but the copy/pasted generic message. If someone gave me something specific they didn't care for it wouldn't bother me. 

Sorry, I find it hard to believe that what bothers you is the polite, absolutely non-insulting wording of the rejection and not the rejection itself.

If she said something like “You’re so unattractive, I don’t think any woman would want to date you”, then yes, I’d understand that you were bothered by the message.

But she merely said she wasn’t feeling a romantic connection with you. Not only she doesn’t owe you any more in-depth explanations; there simply might be none. Sometimes people feel a romantic spark with someone, and sometimes they don’t. She doesn’t feel it with you, and you should move on.

I think that you’re looking at these things wrong in general. It is as though deep down you feel entitled to a romantic connection. The truth is, most people aren’t attracted to most people. So the very first thing you should do is humbly accept that truth and rightfully see any real romance between anyone as a beautiful miracle.

What you seem to be doing instead, however, is some sort of an unhealthy “power dating”, where you aim for speed and quantity rather than quality. The more you’re obsessed with finding a partner, the more you repel potential candidates. Instead of trying so hard (as that woman correctly pointed out), you should relax and let a mutual connection develop naturally. If it doesn’t happen, getting sad or angry only loads you with negative vibes that your next dating prospect would surely pick up from you. You have to break out of this cycle.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

Rejection itself isn't what gets me angry, but the copy/pasted generic message. If someone gave me something specific they didn't care for it wouldn't bother me. 

It's been a very long time since I dated, but the reason for giving a generic message is that if the dumper an actual reason, then they find the dumpee will argue back. Or say I'm wrong.  Or turn it into some kind of rant.   

So giving no reason can often be an act of self protection

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

ejection itself isn't what gets me angry, but the copy/pasted generic message. If someone gave me something specific they didn't care for it wouldn't bother me. 

Your expectations are out of whack, and frankly a little bizarre. 

Most people aren't going to get into specific details when they turn someone down. Why? Most of us still wouldn't want to make the person feel worse by naming the exact qualities or traits that turned us off (you're not attractive to me, you talk too much, your breath smells like coffee, you remind me of my ex,  you're too into yourself, etc) Who would want open the door to that sort of conversation?  

You need to be more realistic here and not expect a customized message about why the woman doesn't want to go out with you again. And given your poor reaction to the generic one, I have a hard time believing you'd be unbothered by a very specific one. 

Edited Wednesday at 04:42 AM by ExpatInItaly

[basil67]

I want to agree that women don't owe you a reason up front.  But that doesn't mean you can't ask for feedback

You could go back to her and respectfully explain that you know you're doing something wrong but don't know what it is.   Ask if she would be able to give you some feedback.  But only do this if you can be polite in your request, refrain from defending yourself, and can thank her kindly at the end.   You may have to ask more than one previous date before you get an answer but it really is the only way.  

Just be aware that whatever she says WILL hurt because it will be a criticism, so this is why you need to be brave enough to not defend yourself

[MsJayne]

Have you considered a dating coach? Ages ago I watched a show about a woman who did this for a living, guys who kept getting rejections paid her to tell them the truth. Sometimes it was the way they dressed, sometimes it was their hair style, sometimes a personal hygiene issue, or something about their personality, generally things other people are too kind or too polite to mention. 

[Els]

10 hours ago, max3732 said:

Just to be clear it does not infuriate me to the point of wanting to throw my phone against the wall, but is very frustrating to hear the same copy/pasted rejection message year after year for a decade. Rejection itself isn't what gets me angry, but the copy/pasted generic message. If someone gave me something specific they didn't care for it wouldn't bother me. 

Obviously you haven't met me, but my problem if anything is I don't get angry enough and go with the flow on things that aren't important. I'm one of the most stable, even tempered people in the world.  

What sort of message do you think you would prefer? That she list all of your downsides with zero tact? How can it possibly feel worse to hear "sorry, but I don't feel a romantic connection" instead of something like "I think you're an unattractive loser who reeks of desperation and entitlement, and I'm going to tell all my friends about this awful experience"?

There doesn't need to be a "good" reason to say no. On the other hand, there needs to be a really good reason to say yes. 

[Sony12]

3 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Have you considered a dating coach? Ages ago I watched a show about a woman who did this for a living, guys who kept getting rejections paid her to tell them the truth. Sometimes it was the way they dressed, sometimes it was their hair style, sometimes a personal hygiene issue, or something about their personality, generally things other people are too kind or too polite to mention. 

I would never in a million years pay someone for advice about dating. People could easily scam others out of money by claiming they are worthy of being paid to give advice about dating. That would be about as legitimate as paying someone who claims to be a psychic. Unless they have an official degree from a school no one deserves to get paid to give advice about dating.

People that try to convince others to pay them over something like that are scam artists.

You want to pay someone for life/love advice. Go to a legitimate psychiatrist/therapist with a degree to back it up. Not someone who just claims to be a dating coach.

Edited Wednesday at 11:39 AM by Sony12

[BaileyB]

13 hours ago, max3732 said:

Thanks! It's just a bit frustrating because of the endless swiping, messaging, and even in person activities I've been doing to finally get on a date with someone and then to hear the same line almost word for word every time

Welcome to online dating. You will date 100 women before you meet the one who wants to be in a relationship with you. 

FYI, it’s the same frustrating relationship for women. There is nothing unique about this experience - it is the common experience among all who use dating apps with the hope of meeting someone with whom they want to develop a relationship. 

She did the socially appropriate thing by sending you a generic message when she declined to pursue a relationship with you. If you would prefer more specific feedback, you can ask for it - she may or may not feel comfortable sharing her thoughts more specifically. But I agree with the above - if you ask for this information, you need to be prepared to accept whatever she says and say “thank you” without becoming defensive or angry. 

[Interstellar]

18 hours ago, max3732 said:

As I've posted for years now I keep getting the "no romantic connection" rejection message after dates. This one is a little different in that she said she'd like to play tennis with me, but not date me.

After I messaged her on her profile she said she likes that I play tennis and has played her whole life. So I invited her to play and get something to eat, which we did. 

She plays ok. Not as well as the guys I play with, but she can keep the ball in play so the tennis part is fine.

During the conversation when we were at the restaurant across the street I messed up. With my adrenaline pumping from playing and being around her I got too excited and talked way too much. It wasn't like I talked about myself the whole time ... I asked her a lot of questions, but didn't probe as deeply as I should have and instead every time she said something I used it as a springboard for something else about me. 

Another thing I did and I don't know why was when she mentioned getting on the app shared some of my experiences with fake accounts, women just in town on vacation, etc and mentioned going to some singles events in person. She said something like "wow. You're really trying"

At the end she said she'd really like to play again and when I invited her out she gave me the infamous "no romantic connection" message that infuriates me and makes me want to throw my phone against the wall, but also gave her number and said she wants to play if I'm up for that.

Is there any harm in playing with her and see if maybe she knows someone or changes her mind if she gets to know me?

Well, at least you’re aware of what you did wrong. You said you talked way too much, and instead of asking questions about her you then talked about yourself after. So maybe it’s nerves as well. But I think the main issue here is the girl had let’s say 51 percent interest level in you so you’re hanging by a thin thread essentially and you made all these booboos so it went down to 40 percent so that’s why you’re out. Also, it’s okay to ask questions about herself just don’t start firing question after question after question like you’re an FBI agent interviewing an inmate at a prison.

 

Did she even touch you at all when she first met you or during the date? you never mentioned that all. If she didn’t then she’s really just looking for a tennis partner.

Edited Wednesday at 01:18 PM by Interstellar

[max3732]

13 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Sorry, I find it hard to believe that what bothers you is the polite, absolutely non-insulting wording of the rejection and not the rejection itself.

If she said something like “You’re so unattractive, I don’t think any woman would want to date you”, then yes, I’d understand that you were bothered by the message.

But she merely said she wasn’t feeling a romantic connection with you. Not only she doesn’t owe you any more in-depth explanations; there simply might be none. Sometimes people feel a romantic spark with someone, and sometimes they don’t. She doesn’t feel it with you, and you should move on.

I think that you’re looking at these things wrong in general. It is as though deep down you feel entitled to a romantic connection. The truth is, most people aren’t attracted to most people. So the very first thing you should do is humbly accept that truth and rightfully see any real romance between anyone as a beautiful miracle.

What you seem to be doing instead, however, is some sort of an unhealthy “power dating”, where you aim for speed and quantity rather than quality. The more you’re obsessed with finding a partner, the more you repel potential candidates. Instead of trying so hard (as that woman correctly pointed out), you should relax and let a mutual connection develop naturally. If it doesn’t happen, getting sad or angry only loads you with negative vibes that your next dating prospect would surely pick up from you. You have to break out of this cycle.

If she gave me a message like that I would know she's a jerk and would be very happy to have found that out now. 

What do you mean by "power dating" and "speed and quantity rather than quality"? I go on 1 date about every 3 or 4 months or maybe longer and have been single most of my life. The only women I message on a dating app or ask out are ones who I think I'd want to potentially marry based on her profile. 

Trying to find someone repels potential dates? So when she asked me about dating I should have told her I am not on any apps and don't go to any events and simply work from home? Maybe my future wife will get lose and come to my house to ask for directions? Apparently I'm not supposed to approach women in grocery stores, yoga/pilates/ or anywhere in public. Going to singles events and using apps is also a turning women off.

What is your specific advice about what I should do differently?

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Your expectations are out of whack, and frankly a little bizarre. 

Most people aren't going to get into specific details when they turn someone down. Why? Most of us still wouldn't want to make the person feel worse by naming the exact qualities or traits that turned us off (you're not attractive to me, you talk too much, your breath smells like coffee, you remind me of my ex,  you're too into yourself, etc) Who would want open the door to that sort of conversation?  

You need to be more realistic here and not expect a customized message about why the woman doesn't want to go out with you again. And given your poor reaction to the generic one, I have a hard time believing you'd be unbothered by a very specific one. 

I can't imagine anything they could say that would make me feel worse than the same copy/paste message going on a decade now. It would be much preferable if they would just unmatch me without saying anything. I would want to open the door to a conversation about what I'm doing wrong. 

I've had a very small number give me something specific and I was happy about it. 

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

I want to agree that women don't owe you a reason up front.  But that doesn't mean you can't ask for feedback

You could go back to her and respectfully explain that you know you're doing something wrong but don't know what it is.   Ask if she would be able to give you some feedback.  But only do this if you can be polite in your request, refrain from defending yourself, and can thank her kindly at the end.   You may have to ask more than one previous date before you get an answer but it really is the only way.  

Just be aware that whatever she says WILL hurt because it will be a criticism, so this is why you need to be brave enough to not defend yourself

 

5 hours ago, Els said:

What sort of message do you think you would prefer? That she list all of your downsides with zero tact? How can it possibly feel worse to hear "sorry, but I don't feel a romantic connection" instead of something like "I think you're an unattractive loser who reeks of desperation and entitlement, and I'm going to tell all my friends about this awful experience"?

There doesn't need to be a "good" reason to say no. On the other hand, there needs to be a really good reason to say yes. 

If I do end up playing with her maybe I'll get something over time. If she thought I was unattractive why would she go out with me? If she thought I reeked of desperation and entitlement that would be good to know! Imagine you're preparing for a job and you get a 100% feedback saying you did everything perfectly. Then you try to do the job and fail again and again. Wouldn't you want to know what you're doing more than hearing "excellent job. You're great at this!"

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Welcome to online dating. You will date 100 women before you meet the one who wants to be in a relationship with you. 

FYI, it’s the same frustrating relationship for women. There is nothing unique about this experience - it is the common experience among all who use dating apps with the hope of meeting someone with whom they want to develop a relationship. 

She did the socially appropriate thing by sending you a generic message when she declined to pursue a relationship with you. If you would prefer more specific feedback, you can ask for it - she may or may not feel comfortable sharing her thoughts more specifically. But I agree with the above - if you ask for this information, you need to be prepared to accept whatever she says and say “thank you” without becoming defensive or angry. 

Why would I get defensive or angry? I want to know how to improve!

1 hour ago, Interstellar said:

Well, at least you’re aware of what you did wrong. You said you talked way too much, and instead of asking questions about her you then talked about yourself after. So maybe it’s nerves as well. But I think the main issue here is the girl had let’s say 51 percent interest level in you so you’re hanging by a thin thread essentially and you made all these booboos so it went down to 40 percent so that’s why you’re out. Also, it’s okay to ask questions about herself just don’t start firing question after question after question like you’re an FBI agent interviewing an inmate at a prison.

 

Did she even touch you at all when she first met you or during the date? you never mentioned that all. If she didn’t then she’s really just looking for a tennis partner.

When I first met her I gave her a hug and touched her as we were walking once, but no other time. Something happens to me on some of these dates where I get so excited when she mentions something I can't wait to share it. Like she mentioned this place she went on vacation and I had gone there too so I told her about my trip and forgot to ask her more details about hers. There were so many times she said something I wish I had followed up more on (family, pets, etc). That is one thing I know I can do better going forward

[BaileyB]

16 hours ago, max3732 said:

Rejection itself isn't what gets me angry, but the copy/pasted generic message. If someone gave me something specific they didn't care for it wouldn't bother me. 

I’m just going to share my experience with you as a woman…

I tried online dating once for a brief period of time. There was a man who messaged with me and it became clear in our conversations that we were not a good match - I declined to meet him. I provided honest feedback when I declined - I told him that I didn’t think we had very much in common and for that reason, I had decided not to meet. I wished him well with his search and he send me a message in return that said something along the lines of “Thanks for nothing. You don’t want to meet because you think you are too good for me, you stuck-up &$!@?! And then, he proceeded to speak in an inappropriate, sexually explicit, and verbally abusive way - I blocked him.

I learned through that experience that it was not always safe to be honest when communicating with men online. After that experience, I gave a positive but generic and vague statement when I told a man that I didn’t not want to meet/continue dating. It was a form of self protection.  

I will also say - she was a prospective date, not a dating coach. She is not obligated to provide you feedback. Online dating is a numbers game. Let’s say that she has been dating online and met three men this week - it would be exhausting to provide feedback to each of those men, to explain to them why she didn’t want to proceed with dating. And sometimes - there is no specific reason except to say - “I’m just not feeling it.” 

You can ask for feedback if you like, but respect her decision to decline to provide more specific information if she is not comfortable doing so.

I can appreciate that it’s frustrating for you when you meet a woman and she declines to continue dating - been there, done that - but understand that this is the common experience when online dating. You are literally trying to find a connection with a virtual stranger. The odds that it will work out are low and you have to be prepared for people to flake out or tell you that they are not interested - 
 

47 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Why would I get defensive or angry?

Respectfully, some of your comments in this discussion have been angry and defensive. 

Edited Wednesday at 03:51 PM by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Maybe my future wife will get lose and come to my house to ask for directions? Apparently I'm not supposed to approach women in grocery stores, yoga/pilates/ or anywhere in public. Going to singles events and using apps is also a turning women off.

There is no need to get bitter and sarcastic. I’ve never in my life used dating apps, gone to singles events, or approached a woman in a grocery store or anywhere in public. That never prevented me from having quite a few relationships, short term and long term. 

And yes, there is resentment and pent-up anger in what you’re saying here and generally in your attitude towards dating. Do I really need to tell you that this is an immense turn-off?

 

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

What is your specific advice about what I should do differently?

Stop being desperate, stop being irritated by lack of success, stop being so eager. You come on too strong, it’s written on your face that you want to find a partner so much. Show that you can be single and happy, be self-sufficient and don’t take yourself too seriously. Be sweet, caring, passionate, and fun to be around.

 

[Sony12]

In the end people join these dating sites for all kinds of different reasons. Some are legitimately trying to find a relationship that could potentially turn serious, some are just looking to find someone hot to have some fun with. Others are indeed just using it as a social outlet to meet friends......so on and so on. 

 

[Sanch62]

18 hours ago, max3732 said:

If someone gave me something specific they didn't care for it wouldn't bother me. 

Nobody owes you this. In fact, most people don't even know exactly WHY they don't connect with you or anyone else they've met so far. That's why they're still single.

It's the same unquantifiable reason we often meet and admire and even legitimately like certain acquaintances, but not quite enough to invest the energy to cultivate them as a close friend.

Most people are not our match. It's natural odds, and it simply means that most people can't view you through the right kind of lens that would offer YOU a good bond.

So, throwing yourself into lengthy first dates is a waste of your energy and time. It's why most people who are serious about finding their person tend to set up a couple quick meets each week over a drink or a coffee JUST to check one another out.

So you're frustrating your SELF with all this effort instead of simplifying things down to an efficient version of speed-meeting.

It's good that you recognize your nervousness had you dominating the conversation, so use quick meets, even with people you aren't entirely sure you might find attractive, to gain the kind of practice and skills to become less nervous, more skilled with first meets. And make those short.

Edited Wednesday at 05:29 PM by Sanch62

[Sanch62]

16 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

What you seem to be doing instead, however, is some sort of an unhealthy “power dating”, where you aim for speed and quantity rather than quality.

I agree with everything else about G's post, except for this ^^. You won't know anything about quality until you've met a person in-person. And, speed and quantity can help you gain skills and depersonalize rejections whether you're the one doing the rejecting or getting rejected.

Quote

The more you’re obsessed with finding a partner, the more you repel potential candidates.

Yes, it's your choice whether to adopt the resilience to be willing to roll with rejections rather than over-investing in each potential match as though they must become the one to end your search forever.

Someday, one of your matches may do that. Meanwhile, treat the process like finding the needle in a haystack. You can either enjoy the process or you can sink yourself into misery about it. That's your call.

Edited Wednesday at 05:41 PM by Sanch62

[Sanch62]

5 hours ago, BaileyB said:

... if you ask for this information, you need to be prepared to accept whatever she says and say “thank you” without becoming defensive or angry. 

Or, you need to be prepared to hear another generic response, "I don't know exactly why, but I didn't feel a 'spark'."

That line also tends to infuriate people despite the fact that it may be legitimately true.

In my younger days, my peanut gallery of friends and family would depose me after dates and expect me to cough up what they considered a legit reasons for not wanting to date a guy again. Well, talk about frustration! Someone can be a perfect fit in every way--for someone else. But our attraction meters are internal, private, and they don't come with an owner's manual to 'splain a lack of simpatico.

Perfectly fine people get passed over every day by someone who didn't resonate with them, either. But they're so focused on why that person didn't feel it for them, that they're missing the point. Simpatico is a mutual click. It's rare. It's supposed to be rare. Otherwise, what would be so special about it?

Edited Wednesday at 05:55 PM by Sanch62

[Els]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

Imagine you're preparing for a job and you get a 100% feedback saying you did everything perfectly. Then you try to do the job and fail again and again. Wouldn't you want to know what you're doing more than hearing "excellent job. You're great at this!"

You can ask nicely if that's what you truly prefer, but the point is that nobody owes you this. Not a hiring manager and certainly not a woman you've been on one date with. 

Quote

If I do end up playing with her maybe I'll get something over time. 

Dude, this thread has been one red flag after another. Maybe you'll "get something"!? If all you want is to "get something", have you considered, y'know, just paying for it?

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

Or, you need to be prepared to hear another generic response, "I don't know exactly why, but I didn't feel a 'spark'."

Indeed, that is a legitimate response - “I’m not sure why exactly, but I’m just not feeling it.” 

She’s not avoiding the discussion or offering what you would consider to be a generic BS answer. Sometimes, it’s nothing that a person has done/not done, one simply can’t define why they aren’t attracted to another person - they just aren’t.

Edited Wednesday at 08:33 PM by BaileyB

[basil67]

On 7/16/2025 at 4:58 AM, max3732 said:

With my adrenaline pumping from playing and being around her I got too excited and talked way too much. It wasn't like I talked about myself the whole time ... I asked her a lot of questions, but didn't probe as deeply as I should have and instead every time she said something I used it as a springboard for something else about me. 

Another thing I did and I don't know why was when she mentioned getting on the app shared some of my experiences with fake accounts, women just in town on vacation, etc and mentioned going to some singles events in person. She said something like "wow. You're really trying"

I missed this because you were pretending like you didn't know what went wrong.   But you do know what you did wrong so why the heck does she owe you some kind of explanation?    

And what's with your comment comparing her tennis skills to the guys?   This was a date, not a tryout for a new doubles partner.   This kind of attitude does not reflect well on you