Boyfriend jerks off in bathroom when I’m right there

[Malmom]

Ok so, to start this off - I have a high sex drive and want it as much as I can get. My boyfriend claims he has a high sex drive but yet we have sex maybe twice a week, but he jerks off in the bathroom with me in the bed next to it every day. I don’t have a problem with him jerking off and watching porn but everyday doing that and then not being able to have sex with me where he a. Stays hard or b. Finishes, seems like a big problem to me. I used to do a lot of surprises in lingerie, toys, handcuffs, watching porn together etc. but now it feels pointless since most times he either can’t finish or goes soft like I’m not enough compared to his hand and porn. I have brought this up to him and he slowed down on it for a bit and was actually finishing and staying hard but now he’s back at it. I just don’t get it and it makes me feel like trash. The sex also often feels like it’s only about him so I’m taking it all as very selfish and not caring about me. I don’t get the desire for pixels over pussy. Am I just being ridiculous?

[Sanch62]

No, you don't sound ridiculous at all. BF has trained himself to prefer his own hand, and he's all about getting himself off rather than pleasing a partner.

Consider your overall relationship and decide whether these limits are enough for you. Do you envision this as your future love life?

[Malmom]

Agreed. No I definitely don't, plus it seems that at this point the communication isn't even worth doing as my feelings aren't even important. Just sucks when he does try and make the effort it's great. 

[Sanch62]

3 hours ago, Malmom said:

Agreed. No I definitely don't, plus it seems that at this point the communication isn't even worth doing as my feelings aren't even important. Just sucks when he does try and make the effort it's great. 

I hear. But if he's just doing that to buy favor, he'll just keep reverting back to the hand.

Edited Thursday at 08:20 PM by Sanch62

[stillafool]

His hand is tighter than your vagina.  Do Kegel exercises.

[ShySoul]

Porn isn't about a lack of attraction to the other person. Someone can be very attracted and into their partner, but have a variety of issues going on within them - both physical and mental - that prevents them from being able to perform. The porn makes it easier for a person to finish because there is no expectations, no stress, and nothing to think about. It can be exactly your ideal fantasy, whatever you are into at into point in time. There is no emotional connection, nothing else to consider. It becomes easier to lose yourself in it with no distractions or worries. 

Porn is also addictive. It messes with your brain and hormones. I don't know what he is watching, but it becomes easier to be desensitised to more common things and to need higher levels of stimulation that he might feel he can only get from porn.

As for it feeling like it's about him, most porn is male centric. Is he possibly taking his cue from what is being watched?

You have every right to feel hurt and upset by this. He should be paying more attention to the ready and willing woman in front of him then images on a screen. I'm sorry he isn't giving you what you need and showing you how much he desires you.

However, if you want to be with him, then you need to have a serious talk with him. Have you asked him why he watches the porn? Have you delved into his fantasies and what it is he actually gets from it? Has he always had issues staying hard or finishing? Even not related to being with you or involving porn? Rather then see this as him choosing porn over you, really get into the heart of what he gets from the porn and why he uses it. There may be fears and insecurities there that aren't obvious at first glance. 

If he still refuses to work with you, then it might just not be a good fit. But he has shown some effort, so I would think talking and communicating would be worth a try.

[Els]

I wouldn't make an issue about masturbation. Sometimes people just want a quick orgasm that's all about them, and that's totally fine.

The real issues here are that you feel dissatisfied with your sex life, he's being selfish even when you DO have sex, and he potentially has a porn addiction. And all of those do need to be addressed - but starting off with "why do you masturbate when I'm right here?!?!" isn't going to fix them.

How long have you been together? How's the relationship otherwise? If you're a long term couple and the relationship is otherwise great, I'd suggest couples' counseling. Bear in mind though that the road uphill can be long and a huge slog, and things might not improve.

If you're not feeling too great about this relationship otherwise, IMO it's better to save yourself the hassle and just leave.

[Sony12]

Sounds like he is mainly just interested in his own fantasies. Which wouldn't be a huge issue if his fantasies involved you and were things you really enjoyed also.

However sounds like he is a lot more sexually interested in the girls he sees on his tv screen than he is you. Unfortunately this probably isn't going to change. As others have said porn is an addiction.

Edited yesterday at 08:15 PM by Sony12