I did a mistake to my best friend and how she is giving me the silent treatment.

[MikayVika]

Hello all. I am looking to share my story, as I don't have many people to talk to and I am looking for some help.. 

So, I am 33 year old man and I have a best friend with benefits that is a 37 year old woman. We met each other before 2 years and immediately we had such a strong connection and everything felt so real.
Our bond became so strong with every talk, text, meeting, with every hug, kiss and smile. I was next to her through her hell, always giving her courage, helping her, sharing her pain, loss and struggle.
Last year a man broke her heart, it was the first time she was in love like this. She was devastated, but I cried with her, I was with her always and told her that we will get over this and I am always and forever with her. And she did get better pretty fast and told me it was because of my help. Told me that she can't imagine her life without me and that I am her everything..
We shared so many laughs together, countless memories and always I have felt that our bond is friendship is forever.

I have to tell you tho, I fell in love with her after the first few mounts and told her, she reacted really good, told me she loves me too, but mostly as a brother and best friend and I ofcourse loved her like a sister and a best friend too and we continued like this. It was devastating for me when she was explaining me about new guys in her life and especially this one, she loved, but I always was next to her like a true best friend and always helped her. We talked many times that no matter what in the future we will live together and grow old together.

This guy tho after broking her heart and using her, without shame continued trying calling her and texting her in the distance of some weeks or months. The last time she texter her past week again with no shame and remorse and she told me immediately and I got mad and told her that I will call/text him and I will go find him and beat the sh*t out of him. She told me:"No, he will think that I am not over him and I am." I told her:"Yeah, of course, you are right." But then started thinking again, I wanted to defend her and texted him. After that I told her and she got mad and hung up the phone on me. Then that guy called her and she became even more mad at me, because she had to talk with him. I know I messed up, but I only wanted to defend her.. And now she is mad at me and is giving me the silent treatment and is has been a week.

I want to tell you, that we talk 5-10 times a day, always, no matter where we are and what we are doing. And I felt horible that I coulnd't talk with her. I kept texting her and without response from her. At first she was seeing the messages and now not even this.
The other day I got to her house with a big teddy bear, flowers and a letter to say I am sorry in person, but she reacted so bad, she told me so many nasty things, told me I can throw the gifts in the bin and got in her car and left, leaving me standing there shattered.
Now I stopped texting her, but I feel so bad. I feel bad, because I hurt her and because I can't even say a proper sorry. I want to fix things between us, because I think our connection is really rare, unique and special, but she is giving me the silent treatment. I also happen to have health issues right now and she knows about this, also knows that the fact she is not talking to me is killing me and I feel awful and she act like I mean nothing to her and I am nobody..
I see on instagram that she is going out with friends, smiling and is happy and I cry, can't sleep, can't work and I can't do anything..

[Gebidozo]

You had no business interfering in her private life and doing something she specifically asked you not to do.

But the real question here is not that.

Why would you want to fix an unnatural, unhealthy connection that is hurting you and is going to hurt you more and more as time passes?

Use this opportunity to get over your infatuation and cut off your ties with this woman.

Don’t you understand that she was using you as a convenient shoulder to cry on? How come you don’t feel humiliated by that?

It’s more your problem than hers, though. When you have romantic feelings that the other person doesn’t reciprocate, you don’t become “friends” with that person, you walk away. You’ve never been friends with her and you never will. 

[ShySoul]

On 7/10/2025 at 4:33 AM, MikayVika said:

told me she loves me too, but mostly as a brother and best friend and I ofcourse loved her like a sister and a best friend too and we continued like this. It was devastating for me when she was explaining me about new guys in her life and especially this one, she loved, but I always was next to her like a true best friend and always helped her. We talked many times that no matter what in the future we will live together and grow old together.

Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, you overstepped and interfered and should feel bad about it.

But you also did it out of love for her. You became the overprotective brother threatening the guy that broke your sister/best friends heart.  

You said you were sorry. She knows how you feel. It is up to her now to accept it and deal with her side of the issue. You can't force that and making grand gestures or continually asking for forgiveness isn't going to change her mind. She needs time and space to calm down and relax. When she is ready, she will come back to you.

People with this kind of connection don't just drop each other for good, not typically. They fight. They may go through periods of not speaking. But they tend to come back to each other. 

My best friend is female. We love each other and say we are family, even if we aren't in a relationship. We have said how we will always be friends. But we still fight. We still get really mad at each other. But we always find a way to stay friends. Just as you and her can. Give it time.

I will say though that FWB has an expiration point. Someone always ends up falling for the other. At that point, it's best to pick a lane. You either stick just to friends or you take it to the next level. If she isn't feeling the same way romantically, then you should just be friends. Trying to have it both ways will only cause more confusion and pain.

I also don't think either of you were using each other. I think it is possible to have a relationship that is deeper then friendship but not fully romantic. You don't always go into these situations thinking about using each other or planning it to happen. Sometimes it just happens. You're not wrong to have got involved with her and neither of you are bad for anything that has happened. But for your own well being, give it time and when you do resume the friendship, try to stick to just a friendship.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

I think it is possible to have a relationship that is deeper than friendship but not fully romantic.

The problem here is not depth but balance, boundaries and expectations. If one of the “friends” has unrequited romantic feelings towards the other, then this is not friendship anymore, neither is it romance, it’s a connection with a skewed balance, murky boundaries, and unhealthy expectations. The OP should stay away from such relationships for his own sake.

[ExpatInItaly]

15 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

The problem here is not depth but balance, boundaries and expectations. If one of the “friends” has unrequited romantic feelings towards the other, then this is not friendship anymore, neither is it romance, it’s a connection with a skewed balance, murky boundaries, and unhealthy expectations. The OP should stay away from such relationships for his own sake.

Agreed.

A friendship like this is healthy when you have feelings for her, OP.  It sets you up for heartache. 

And you definitely over-stepped. It doesn't matter why you did it She asked you not to, and you ignored her wishes and did what you wanted anyway. Not cool. Having said that, you apologized and there isn't much more you can or should do. Leave it be here. She may in time forgive you, or she may decide this friendship has come to its natural end. Either way, it would serve you to step back and realize this woman is not your future. 

[swirlingcloud]

If we rewind this there was this point where you felt she was not only a friend with benefits, not only a sister, a friend, you told her this. She rejected you. That would be the proper time for you two to end things completely between  you two, for your own good. Because you were in love and she was not she showed her true colors by continuing this unhealthy relationship with you. Says a thing or two about her. Sorry, but it does. 

The other thing is that yes, you stepped over a boundary when you texted that guy, her ex. (This is why I keep it to myself what ever issues I was or am having with ex or current partner because I don't trust that everyone in my life would not work behind my back when that truly would only make things worse. Sure, they think they would do a good thing, but it isn't that. The less you can have people involved in your relationship or past relationship the better you are all off). 

For your own good  know you have done what you can to say you are sorry about that, she has not accepted your apology. She does not want contact with you .You need to respect that. Go through the grieving process, but I for one think it's actually a good thing this happened as she was not the same quality of a friend or what she now was to you that you were to her. You were her support system etc, etc. You were, though, taken advantage off. Please, be aware in your future ahead to not agree to have anyone use you like that. She has (ab)used you but you said yes to it. In the future I hope you say no. Don't follow her on the social media etc, you know too that could be faked, right? She is sending out or having her friends send out that she is doing soooo great right now, and she is or they are hoping or both, that the ex sees this. I wouldn't bother with her. Move on. Hope you find someone who can love you in all the ways you should be loved in a healthy, loving relationship ahead. She is def standing in the way of you getting that. Let her go.