BYSI Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 my bf n i had a very intense relationship and after i found he lied to me for a very big thing our relationship turned to be very rocky, n i tried my best to save our relationshp. after that we broke up. he was the one who asked for a break up . it was so sudden after a sweet meeting we had. from that time up to now i stay NC the last moment , he said that i am very nice girl friend n he may not find someone like me again... ( i think it was bullsh*t)... but then he said that we are too diferent in our character . he said that we are not match... bla bla... . was it just his crap or what ? then he became so cold . well, i dont really want to know abt it anymore. the thing is ...for many times i wanted to see him so badly but i tried not to. i tried my best to move on n forget him . yet when all the memories popped up.. i feel really sad. Guys... do u think i am on the right track?.. keep it in NC? i still have feeling for him .... but i dont want to get hurt anymore on the other hand, hoping he would come back again... guys,..just want to ask you ... especially for men ... will u come back to your ex ? what things that will make you back to your ex ? sorry.. it sounds super stupid... i really want to get over it asap.
chocolate_boy Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Well my ex and I split in October, we did a few of the "meet up" after things, but I don't think in our situation it could work, we couldn't sort it out (or even like each other in the last few weeks). I like you wanted to sort it out, but she didn't so we split, she has tried to contact me a few times but I haven't responded, and know I never will. When I've left girls, I have tried to go back a few times Never been taken back though, which I say "good for them". I do think it's more a "guy thing" to do that though (i've not heard of a girl coming back out of the blue months later), I know loads of fellas that leave their girls, then miss them a few months down the line and try to go back, if they get taken back though, it's often the same and when they remember, they're off again.
In Sync Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 I am not a guy but I will put in my 2 bits...when ex bf's/ lovers/ significant others shift from one level it is just so confusing and agonizing because we who have been left by them, simply cannot accept that the same person we were SO involved with can just switch...whatever reason they have without a mercy conversation to say they are going their own way it just leaves us baffled as to why they chose to be cold. At this point, my recommendation is to stay with NC. What you are feeling is uncomfortable tension. The memories are popping up because you want so much to contact him. It's like going on a diet or weaning off of booze...suddenly that object of desire is going to stay on the forefront of your mind with such intensity because you simply have been cut off from it..in this case from him. Resist breaking NC. It's for your own good. Maybe in his mind he feels if he's cold it'll make moving on less hard on you. Because you won't have false hopes..who knows but until he decides to really communciate sincerely with you, don't break NC. It's pure and simple.
BYSI Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 . At this point, my recommendation is to stay with NC. Resist breaking NC. It's for your own good. Maybe in his mind he feels if he's cold it'll make moving on less hard on you. Because you won't have false hopes.. who knows but until he decides to really communciate sincerely with you, don't break NC. It's pure and simple. --- maybe u r rite. because i asked him whether he still loved me , he refused to answer . i just assumed that he didnt love me anymore . thats the most powerful thing to help me to forget him. after few hours he sent msg n said "hope u dont come and look for me anymore. i am sorry ". so that was the end... I totally agree.. to stay with NC. I really want to move on.... n i really hate the feeling. when i missed him so badly. I dont know whether someday he will come back n see me again.. but i dont hope too much. I still feel something abt him, but i think there is no point . sometimes i wonder , whether he still think of me or miss me . but i guess that only wasting my time, n it will hurt me if i find the fact is the other way around. what if he doesnt even care ? what if he has found a replacement ? well.. i guess... stay with NC .... i couldnt see any better option . i will go gym more often...
sandman911 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 coming from a guys point of view...go with what ur mind tells yo because sometime if you good with what ur heart says it could lead u in the wrong direction....i just had that sort of thing happen to me on jan 4, 06' i was with this girl for 3 years we had a great relationship it was strong...happy, fun...everything u could ask for...well she didnt think so because it ended...well needless to say i wanted her back for a long time...we had comtact and everything which was not a good idea becuase it kept me latched on for a long time.....well it last 7 months about not being with her she hada new bf and everything...well she came back to me on the 4th and she said how much she loved me and and how she was sorry and she wanted to be with me and wanted to make it work out between us...she told her friends, her family that we were going to make it work...and everything was going great...she got this new bf out of her life...well long story short..it lasted 4 days and she was out again..and here we go again...i thought that she was serious and was willing to make it work...i say it wasnt long enough between us...it had to have been longer...experienced more ****...there has to be a end before there is ever a beginning...well stick by your guns and have nc....it will be better...and go out and experience new things...u never know u might find someone better....listen someone told me this qoute on here and i live by it now...." u have to loss something good....to gain something GREAT"...u never know..tomorrow is a new day...as for things that would make me get back with my ex....me getting over her first and finding a new love...then if i make my way back...or she does and the love os still there...then it might be worth trying again.......please read my passege...it is entitled "dealing with bipolar disorder" and tell me what u think....hopefully i helped u alittle....if there is anything else please write again...
BYSI Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 hi sandman..! thanks for your input. i will stay with NC . well, after reading your story re your ex gf , i think you are a very sweet guy.just maybe u were with wrong person. usually, girls change their mind or make a drastic decision, when they feel insecure abt something (themselves , their partner ). but on the other hand they are afraid that they may regret it one day. or maybe .. past failure, past hurt that badly damaged their emotion. they are so afraid to get hurt once again. just like my case. ..sometimes, i did change my mind n my feeling was going up and down . but it happened for reasons. i felt no assurance since i found him from time to time lied to me . until i found him lied to me abt his last marriage.unfortunately, i found from someone else that he is actually a divorcee.he said he had a gf , but he never mentioned a wife. i know everybody make mistake.thus i gave him the second chance and tried to trust him once again. but i think i decieved my self that time. he didnt treat me better but worse. he hurt me more n more. sometimes , i question my self , why for such a person, why do i still loved him so much n really hoped i could bring happiness into his life . i know ... it makes me sounds so stupid.. until now i stil have feeling for him and i stay single. not becasue i am waiting for him but i am happy to be single and i dont want to get hurt again.i would rather to take it slow rather than get attached then break up again. if one day he come back to me , i would be glad to see him again as someone whom i ever shared my life with. but i dont think i would be with him. do u think i am right ?
BYSI Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 i hate this... i miss him ... trust me guys, i have been jogging ... hang out with friends, .... invited friends to come over ... i have done all things to move on....
sandman911 Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 ya i think u are right bysi...if u have been getting hurt then u have to look out for ur self...but u cant be affraid of loving again....like i said before go with what ur mind tells u not with what ur heart tells u...ya u love him and want ot get back...but ur mind is telling u to not go that direction because u were hurt...go with what ur mind says...i know u love him...but if u love him..let him go...let him go in every way and watch how fast he will return...if u stop thinking about him and dont have a care....he will make his way back and then u have him right where u want him...the ball is in ur court then hun....and if he doesnt then u have done the right thing and moved on and probably found someone better...like u should anyway if he is hurting u...why do girls always go for the guys that treat them bad? explain that to me....because my ex is doing the same thing u know? good talking with ya hopefully i helped....write back if u need something...talk to ya soon..good luck
BYSI Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 go with what ur mind tells u not with what ur heart tells u...ya u love him and want ot get back...but ur mind is telling u to not go that direction because u were hurt...go with what ur mind says... ya i think so.. i think most of people get hurt because of following what they feel instead of what they think. if u love him..let him go...let him go in every way and watch how fast he will return...if u stop thinking about him and dont have a care....he will make his way back and then u have him right where u want him...the ball is in ur court then hun....and if he doesnt then u have done the right thing and moved on and probably found someone better...... ya... to be honest, i hope one day he will make his way back. but when i remember what he said for the last time and all things he had done, how cold he was , i dont think he would back to me. i think he has no feeling with me anymore. he was so cold n mean the last time we broke up. i dont want to make my life difficult n pathetic becoz someone like him. plus, who knows he is with someone else now and he does not even remember me... for the time being , i am not ready to see him with other gal ... what should i do if i see him next time ? pretend that i dont see him or say 'hi' or just keep silent ? any body has good idea how we suppose to react when we see our ex with other or let say just meet our ex alone... whatever ? i just dont want thim to think that i am needy or so desperate to be with him.. although i think of him many times.
someone_here Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 i still want to hear from men's point of view. any different opinion.. ?
honda12345 Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 How long ago was it when you two broke up? My bf just broke up with me last Friday after 2 years :-( He cried really bad when he told me that we shouldnt be together anymore. I thought that meant that maybe he would change his mind. But I talked to him a couple times on the phone. He sounded harsh and determined. He said I am just not the one for him :-( At the end of the conversation, i said i love you. He said I love you too. But then he corrected himself by saying "but not in a relationship way." OUCH!!! So I think the only way that could change guys minds is that they do it themselves. I am suspecting that my ex already met someone too. I donno what i would do to deal with it. I would be even more hurt. I am trying to avoid thinking about it. I have talked to many people. They told me even if he wants to come back in the future(which is doubtful), do I want to be his fall-back person/backup plan? They said I already made him an offer several times and he spit on it. And if he comes back, is he going to break up again when another problem came up?
bysi Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 we broke up 18 days ago. not so long. i think u r rite, they will only come if they want to and no body can move them to go for their ex gf but themselves. in my case, my ex also said that he is not the right one for me. which i think it just an excuse. i think he has other girl or seeing other girl.. or in the process .during this process i dont think he would even remember me or think of me. and most probably, this relaltionship wont stay long. i always believe n i saw it from time to time... when someone left other , they wont be with the new one for long. even if it goes long , it wont last . n i had exp when my other ex left me for other gal , he turned to be nasty to me . but after few months NC, he came to me again n beg for second chance. but i didnt give him chance. i believe, thats already his character. and lastly, you reap what u sow... so, if your bf has othe gal n left u becoz of this, almost can be sured their relationship will not stay long. n he might regret to break up with u and asked u once again. but u gotta to be strong... dont let him hurt u again... let him appreciate you ....
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