Almost 23 and I've never had a boyfriend :(

[Anonymous]

It really strikes a cord with me starting from when I'm ovulating up until my period where I'm a mess. In between that I'm fine & a "strong independent woman" or whatever. I genuinely cried for 3 hours today seeing a happy teenage couple on the internet. Love has never happened for me. It's difficult. I'm at a point where I'm really trying to stop caring about it but it's almost like a deep grief for me you know? I don't even really want a boyfriend much anymore because I don't want to have to deal with all of my firsts with a guy who might be taking advantage of me. I don't want to have to explain that to a guy who already has more than likely tons of experience and need to have them work with me to figure out everything. It's also just weird to think about someone loving me for the first time whose already loved another? But it's sad to have to mourn young love I guess. And it sucks that my body is screaming at me that I want a man when I wish I didn't want one. Men just seem to want me for my body nowadays. I haven't even had sex! Kind of wish I'd have done it sooner but I was always waiting for the right person, but now it feels like I have to create meaning out of my first time. It's weird now...it's like I don't have that same bright eyed innocence I used too. I've seen a lot now in the world. I've done the partying, and the schooling, and the hobbies, and the jobs, and the traveling. But no relationship. It's weird to think that I've never had a boyfriend at any stage of my life and have changed so much over the years. Even my body has changed so much. I've done a lot of work on myself, I practice self love & care, and I focus on myself. But this impending feeling does not seem to go away. God it's hard. I just want this feeling to go away.

[Gebidozo]

23 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I don't even really want a boyfriend much anymore because I don't want to have to deal with all of my firsts with a guy who might be taking advantage of me.

That’s very unlikely. Most men wouldn’t take advantage of a virgin. I’m decidedly not an angel, but I’ve always had the rule that virgins were off limits even for honest casual sex (which is not the same as taking advantage). Even if you adopt the cynical (and incorrect) view that most men only want sex from women, it would be very impractical for them to target an inexperienced woman.

 

29 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

It's also just weird to think about someone loving me for the first time whose already loved another?

Well, this is something you might need to work on and try to change this perception.

Experience should bring deeper understanding, clarity, and wisdom. The more love relationships we experience, the higher is the chance that we learn from our mistakes, know what we really want, and understand other people better.

Since you are inexperienced yourself, your best chance is with someone who is so experienced and so mature that he can help you and guide you through. Which is impossible if that person hasn’t loved other women before.

 

 

 

[Sanch62]

25 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I don't want to have to explain that to a guy who already has more than likely tons of experience and need to have them work with me to figure out everything.

When you find simpatico with the right man, you won't need to worry about this stuff. He'll appreciate your unique value and feel honored to be with you.

You don't need to stress yourself out by creating preconceived ideas about how someone else might perceive you. You own self-respect, and this has prevented you from selling yourself short to some user. Trust that, and don't doubt the intelligence of a man who will appreciate it.

Head high, and be proud of yourself.

[ShySoul]

5 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I don't even really want a boyfriend much anymore because I don't want to have to deal with all of my firsts with a guy who might be taking advantage of me. I don't want to have to explain that to a guy who already has more than likely tons of experience and need to have them work with me to figure out everything. It's also just weird to think about someone loving me for the first time whose already loved another?

I'm a male. I was a virgin at 23 and much later. I was 22 before anyone was even interested in me and I had my first kiss. I've known many other guys and girls who were virgins into their late 20's, 30's and even 40's. 

I didn't feel the need to have to explain anything. I was just honest and said it had never happened for me yet. And the women interested in me really didn't care or mind. Some even found it more attractive, that I would be saving myself for the right person and making sure it was right before I engaged in anything. They found it refreshing and valued you more for not rushing in and expecting anything. Made them feel safe with me.

When it's right and you connect with someone, it won't matter. They will like you for you, regardless the experience level. Any good guy will not push and will go at your speed, making sure you are comfortable every step of the way. Things will progress naturally and you will just be happy to be together. And even if they loved someone else before you, doesn't change how they feel about you in that moment. Our pasts are our pasts. What counts is making sure the present is good and both of you are happy together. They might have loved someone else before, but that didn't work out. In the present, they are still choosing you.

Don't worry about what could be. Don''t stress yourself about not having anything yet. Let it happen when it feels right. Stick to your values and any guy worthy of you will like you just as you are and make sure that when it all does happen, it will be as wonderful as possible.

[MsJayne]

In another post you've complained that the MM you've been involved with for 3 years has found someone else. With all due respect, if you've been depriving yourself of available, (decent), men to be with him then it's no wonder you're not experiencing life as a normal young person would. There's nothing wrong with saving yourself, if more young women had the same values as you men, in general, would respect women a lot more, but be real here. Aim to meet a partner who has the same values and avoid people who aren't available. 

[basil67]

Assuming you're the same poster who had lengthy fling with a MM, this is simply the consequence of your choice. It's time to take personal responsibility

[Sanch62]

On 7/7/2025 at 5:36 AM, MsJayne said:

In another post you've complained that the MM you've been involved with for 3 years has found someone else. With all due respect, if you've been depriving yourself of available, (decent), men to be with him then it's no wonder you're not experiencing life as a normal young person would.

Oh, geez. I didn't make this connection. It makes no sense to bemoan an atypical dating life when you've sunk your valuable time and focus into a dead end with a deceptive married guy instead of pursuing reasonable potential matches for a relationship.

Your primary responsibility to your Self and the future you envision is to guard your best fertility years against lousy investments in lousy men.

Anyone who demonstrates the capacity to deceive another human being is a wasteful investment of your time. I kindly hope you will consider doing some work with a therapist to help you uncover the reasons you were willing to trust someone who you knew was deceptive for so long.

[ShySoul]

Are you the same poster who had a fling? You are showing as anonymous, so can't really say for certain that you are. Don't want to make an assumption about you if it turns out there are multiple people choosing to go anonymous. 

As someone who has struggled there whole life in the relationship/romance area - and I've got a couple decades on you in age so I've been at this longer  - it's okay to take a moment and vent or feel frustrated. It's not easy and we all feel bad about things at times. It's fine to take a moment and feel bad or sorry for ourself. The important thing is to not get stuck there. Have your moment of sadness or doubt, then pick yourself back up and refocus on your life. Find your own happiness and let the right thing come to you when it is supposed to. And it does come to you. Build positive energy within yourself, living your own life. That energy does spread and eventually you find something right. Then seize the day when it comes along and enjoy it.

Hope you are doing well and will have that special someone when the time is right.