What's the Meaning of This?

[Gaeta]

On 7/5/2025 at 8:56 AM, kaleidoscopicjack said:

I've learned to never be too pushy

I would like to add that you should not *push* at all. You cannot convince someone to like you by insisting. There is no such a thing as 'being too shy' to respond to a text. When people like each other things unfold effortlessly. If someone does not reply you can message again ONCE just in case some technical problems prevented your first text from getting to them. Then no more communications and you move on.

[kaleidoscopicjack]

Quote

There is no such a thing as 'being too shy' to respond to a text. 

For practical purposes, this may as well be true. Because there really is no point in persisting on a shy person who feels nervous around you. It will only make them more unconfortable. At the very least, it would take a lot of effort and patience to get them to get confortable around you, and this can't be done solely via texting.

But theoretically, it's not. Even men can be shy, let alone a girl. In fact, I am certain I've been rejected by one of these very shy girls in the past due to her shyness. I caught her staring at me multiple times in my university and when I went to talk to her she blushed. But when I texted her she didn't reply. Later, when I saw her at the library, I went to talk to her and asked her if she wanted to hang out a bit outside the library and she said no. At that point, there was nothing more I could do. I am pretty sure she rejected me due to being shy and nervous and regretted doing it, and was probably kicking herself for days or even weeks because, if you will believe me, I was also shy when I was younger and rejected a few girls due to this. I can give you one specific example. I was at a party many years ago and I ended up somehow talking with a girl I didn't know who then invited me out of the blue to go to the bathroom with her. I was so shocked by her invitation that my first instinct was to say no. She was pretty, too. Of course, I almost instantly regretted rejecting her like this but was too embarassed to turn the situation around and simply walked away and avoided her.

This is to say that shy people DO exist. But unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it. They have to learn to fight their shyness on their own. 

[Sony12]

19 minutes ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

For practical purposes, this may as well be true. Because there really is no point in persisting on a shy person who feels nervous around you. It will only make them more unconfortable. At the very least, it would take a lot of effort and patience to get them to get confortable around you, and this can't be done solely via texting.

But theoretically, it's not. Even men can be shy, let alone a girl. In fact, I am certain I've been rejected by one of these very shy girls in the past due to her shyness. I caught her staring at me multiple times in my university and when I went to talk to her she blushed. But when I texted her she didn't reply. Later, when I saw her at the library, I went to talk to her and asked her if she wanted to hang out a bit outside the library and she said no. At that point, there was nothing more I could do. I am pretty sure she rejected me due to being shy and nervous and regretted doing it, and was probably kicking herself for days or even weeks because, if you will believe me, I was also shy when I was younger and rejected a few girls due to this. I can give you one specific example. I was at a party many years ago and I ended up somehow talking with a girl I didn't know who then invited me out of the blue to go to the bathroom with her. I was so shocked by her invitation that my first instinct was to say no. She was pretty, too. Of course, I almost instantly regretted rejecting her like this but was too embarassed to turn the situation around and simply walked away and avoided her.

This is to say that shy people DO exist. But unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it. They have to learn to fight their shyness on their own. 

You think she was interested in you just because she looked at you a few times? Maybe she was just looking at you because you were looking at her. 

You sound like you have the life experience of a fourteen year old.

Edited July 7 by Sony12

[kaleidoscopicjack]

Haters gonna hate.

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

Haters gonna hate.

If you want to believe that go ahead. You seem to have formed your own reality anyways.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

In fact, I am certain I've been rejected by one of these very shy girls in the past due to her shyness. I caught her staring at me multiple times in my university and when I went to talk to her she blushed. But when I texted her she didn't reply. Later, when I saw her at the library, I went to talk to her and asked her if she wanted to hang out a bit outside the library and she said no. At that point, there was nothing more I could do. I am pretty sure she rejected me due to being shy and nervous and regretted doing it, and was probably kicking herself for days or even weeks

Err… I don’t think so. The by far most obvious explanation is that she wasn’t interested in you. 

You’re creating a narrative here than isn’t really supported by any evidence. Staring could mean absolutely anything, including an intense dislike. She didn’t respond to your text and refused to hang with you. That is ample evidence that she simply didn’t like you.

The way you create those narratives for women which are flattering to you yet aren’t really rooted in reality, is somewhat disturbing.

Perhaps you could address this issue. This tendency of yours is understandably scaring women away.

[kaleidoscopicjack]

I don't see why it's so hard to believe shy people exist. 

Some of you have a lot of trouble accepting my perspective and are very quick to dismiss it. It's like you are incapable of putting yourselves in the shoes of a different man. There were a billion signs that she had some interest in me. The blushing was a dead give away. And stuff like her group of friends looking to me and smiling and giggling and then asking me random questions about me. Etc. Etc. I don't want to list all the stuff I noticed because y'all are apparently too scared of a man who thinks clearly and actively analyzes his surroundings. I know my writing makes you feel uncomfortable.

Which leads me to this last conclusion: the purpose of this thread has been achieved and I'm leaving. Thanks to all the helpful and open minded people who replied. As for the rest of you, feel free to keep posting about how crazy I am. 

Take care.

Edited July 7 by kaleidoscopicjack

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

I don't see why it's so hard to believe shy people exist. 

Noboy has said that shy people don't exist. 

What we're saying is that you seem to be confusing shyness with disinterest. 

[Sony12]

I do wonder how old the OP is. He honestly does remind me of junior high and highschool age kids trying to deal with romance situations.

[Gebidozo]

9 hours ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

I don't see why it's so hard to believe shy people exist. 

I don’t think you’re reading carefully what people write to you. Nobody said they don’t believe why people exist. It’s just that you attribute to shyness what was in all probability lack of interest in you on the girl’s part.

 

9 hours ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

The blushing was a dead give away.

Goodness, are you serious? Blushing means absolutely nothing. Please stop extrapolating your wishes on women like this. It scares them away.

 

9 hours ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

y'all are apparently too scared of a man who thinks clearly and actively analyzes his surroundings.

Your overreaction to our advices and your irrational defensive responses only reinforce us in the opinion that you aren’t very mature and don’t know much at all about romantic situations and relationships.

 

 

[kaleidoscopicjack]

Well, I guess I'm not leaving yet because I want to laugh a bit more.

The fact that you are so quick to dismiss my interpretation of my reality (of which I am an expert, while you know next to nothing of it), suggests you feel some resentment towards me, possibly due to my obviously intelligence.

Some user above said "there's no such thing as being too shy to send a text", as if shy people didn't exist and the idea that they might be afraid to text someone they like was delusional. I told her that there is and gave her two examples from my life of weird behaviour due to shyness.

As I said, there were a billion different signs that she had some interest. If you ever touch a girl's shoulder when talking with her and she blushes, I'm telling you that not only is she shy, she might even like you. Of course, that’s just a single data point, and you can't conclude anything from this. But when you add to this single data point their group of friends suddenly becoming very interested me, the fact that she started mirroring my behaviour out of the blue, the fact that she started orbiting me and sitting next to me, or even doing childish stuff like sitting behind me and "accidentally" repeatedly touching my back with her feet to get my attention, and God knows what else I noticed, it is impossible not to conclude that she had AT THE VERY LEAST a slight interest in me.

But you don't want to hear about any of that. What you want is to call me crazy and delusional because you are chocking on resentment for finding an extremely ballsy and intelligent man on your corner of the internet. So, by all means, keep chocking on your resentment! I'm having some good laughs seeing you spin your little resentful interpretations.

Edited July 8 by kaleidoscopicjack
Typos

[Gebidozo]

52 minutes ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

you are chocking on resentment for finding an extremely ballsy and intelligent man on your corner of the internet.

I hope you realize that no person who calls himself “extremely ballsy and intelligent” can ever be taken seriously.

If you want anyone to have an impression of you that goes beyond that of an immature high school kid with a fragile ego and a defensive attitude testifying of deep insecurity, you need to stop glorifying yourself and start having a better grip on reality.

Your descriptions of women’s behavior towards you get less and less believable as this thread progresses, not in the least because your belligerent stance and your unhealthy reaction to our advices continues to undermine your credibility as a narrator. 

 

 

 

[Sony12]

Nothing is funnier than someone who says they are going to leave but then doesn't.

[kaleidoscopicjack]

It's just funny to me some dude who doesn't know me telling me what I saw with my own eyes didn't happen. Because I seem to be "immature" or something.

And if you guys seriously think a highschool kid would be able to write the stuff I'm writing, then you are all geniuses. I certainly wouldn't be able to write any of this when I was in highschool.

[kaleidoscopicjack]

As for my "belligerent" attitude, I'm sorry but if people started calling you crazy, immature, and delusional, you'd be a bit "belligerent", too. That's just how I am. Of course, I could just ignore these posts. And I did ignore a couple of them. 

It's like you guys have no insight into the human condition, and think that insulting people is an action without consequences. Most people insult back when they are insulted. That's how human beings behave. At the very least, they'd reply, "You're being disrespectful". I COULD have done that but then this thread would be considerably less entertaining. Yes, I do like to entertain my readers. Sue me.

But try calling a random stanger you meet at the bar and who opens up about his life to you that he's immature, crazy and delusional. Then come back here and tell me how "belligerent" he was.

[Sony12]

Just now, kaleidoscopicjack said:

As for my "belligerent" attitude, I'm sorry but if people started calling you crazy, immature, and delusional, you'd be a bit "belligerent", too. That's just how I am. Of course, I could just ignore these posts. And I did ignore a couple of them. 

 

I tell you what. Since you are taking issue with the things people are saying on here why don't you just you know. Leave. 

That's what a mature individual would do. 

[kaleidoscopicjack]

If my replies are annoying you why do you keep coming back to my thread? I can tell you the same thing: leave.

[Sony12]

11 minutes ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

If my replies are annoying you why do you keep coming back to my thread? I can tell you the same thing: leave.

Lol. 

[kaleidoscopicjack]

But I am indeed leaving. There's nothing more for me to say. I just had to explain that me thinking a person could be shy was rooted in reality. It just happens that it doesn't really matter if someone is shy or not, for practical purposes.

I am sure there will be many more readers coming here to tell me I'm crazy, but perhaps a few more sensible readers will share their views and give advice. I will be reading this thread from time to time. Not sure if this forum allows private messages, but if it does and you want to contact me and have a chat with me, by all means do so.

Take care, y'all. This time for good.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I'll remind you that I am a woman myself. 

I can tell you that you have much to learn about women. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

due to my obviously obvious intelligence.

Fixed that for you. 

5 hours ago, kaleidoscopicjack said:

keep chocking choking on your resentment

That, too. 

 

[Sony12]

With the way the OP acted it does make one wonder how much of his story was even true. How much was he making up just to make it sound better and how much was he just assuming was going on.

[Acacia98]

On 7/7/2025 at 5:10 PM, kaleidoscopicjack said:

In fact, I am certain I've been rejected by one of these very shy girls in the past due to her shyness. I caught her staring at me multiple times in my university and when I went to talk to her she blushed. But when I texted her she didn't reply. Later, when I saw her at the library, I went to talk to her and asked her if she wanted to hang out a bit outside the library and she said no. At that point, there was nothing more I could do. I am pretty sure she rejected me due to being shy and nervous and regretted doing it, and was probably kicking herself for days or even weeks because, if you will believe me, I was also shy when I was younger and rejected a few girls due to this.

(...)

This is to say that shy people DO exist. But unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it. They have to learn to fight their shyness on their own. 

You know what, OP? It's possible (even likely) that the girl was shy and was attracted to you. But it doesn't automatically follow that she would want to date you given the opportunity.

Let's review some possibilities that could explain the situation:

• Maybe you reminded her of someone she once knew or dated or had a crush on and that was why she was staring at you. But it was that other person that she was really thinking of, not you. It makes sense that she would blush once she realized you had caught her staring.
• Maybe she finds you attractive but, for whatever reason, doesn't actually want to date. Perhaps she's religious or comes from a conservative culture where dating/coupling up is highly controlled by rules or another party. And maybe you wouldn't be an eligible partner for her for that reason. 
• Maybe she finds you attractive but is already seeing someone else. So, of course, while she might enjoy looking at you, she may have no intention of crossing the line and actually talking to you or getting involved with you.
• Maybe she's shy and likes you but is also highly insecure and, therefore, not confident enough/ready to consider dating. Your approaching her would just provoke a wave of disbelief and self-doubt. Maybe she'd thinking you were pranking her or something.

What you did wrong (IMO) was to assume that because the tables were once turned for you and you behaved a certain way, the exact same thing must be true for girls who stare at you but seem shy. Don't make assumptions of that kind. They might be wrong or might get you in trouble. It might also be in your interest not to rush to embrace the assumptions that paint you in the most positive light ("She must like me, and the only thing holding her back must be her shyness!"). Remember that many of us potentially have oversized egos. So we need to keep ourselves grounded with some humility.

I think you are right about the fact that, if people are shy, they need to be given the room to overcome their shyness on their own. Believe me when I say you don't want to date someone who is too insecure or shy to reciprocate your interest with actions of her own. You will get tired of constantly bending over backwards to prove to her that she is indeed lovable and that, indeed, you want to be with her. Relationships of that kind do not thrive.

[flitzanu]

On 7/8/2025 at 6:59 AM, kaleidoscopicjack said:

If you ever touch a girl's shoulder when talking with her and she blushes, I'm telling you that not only is she shy, she might even like you.

this could also be unwanted touching, and misconstrued as sexual assault because the woman felt unsafe.

just as your perception is your "reality", this perception can 100% be someone else's reality.

 

no one thinks you're crazy and none of this is real, they are warning you that this behavior is often not welcomed, and that you are likely misinterpreting behavior and should be careful.