At 28 (male), am I too old to completely rule out single mothers

[Volcanferno]

I recently broke up with a woman who couldn’t accept that I have very close lifelong woman friends.

We were gonna get married until she herself cheated on me and tried to use my friends as justification for this action.

I’ve been back in the market, and pretty much everyone around me is saying to give single mothers a chance.  I’m kind of attractive but I’m only 5’9 and I admittedly am not fantastic in bed.  Therapist said year of personal trauma might have brought down my sex drive.

As for why I don’t want to date a single mother, it sounds bad but I’d prefer to start my own family from scratch.  Can’t explain why, just a preference.

 

Am I too old at 28?  I’m not 30 just yet.

[Serene Whisper]

Sorry you went through that...being cheated on and blamed for it is rough. It sounds like you were honest about your friendships, and that should’ve been respected.

As for single moms, your preference is totally valid. Wanting to build your own family from the ground up doesn’t make you a bad guy. Everyone has their own dealbreakers.

And no, 28 is not too old. You’ve got time. Focus on healing, growing, and finding someone who truly aligns with your values.

[Gebidozo]

You’re entitled to have your own dating preferences. Please don’t date someone you don’t really want to date just because you’re afraid you won’t find a more suitable partner.

Also, it’s a bit strange that people even mention single mothers as primary dating candidates when you’re 28. In my circles, most women don’t think of having children before they are 30 or so. I’m almost 50 and I’ve never dated a single mother, though I would’ve had nothing against that if such an opportunity had arisen.

[Els]

You sound oddly similar to another poster, even though your username is different...

You can rule out whomever you want as long as you are okay with the prospect of being alone. This applies to anyone in any situation at any height. 

You also don't need to provide a reason to not date someone with kids. It's not for everyone, and it's far better that you don't get involved if you're not 100% okay with it. Lots of women don't date men with kids either and it's completely fine.

[basil67]

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Edited July 4 by basil67

[MsJayne]

There's different types of single mothers, it's not about the parenthood, it's about the woman's own individual situation. There's a huge difference between a woman who's been widowed or divorced and has two children from that union and a woman who has children by three different men who she hardly knew because she likes to collect the welfare payments. Statistically, second marriages have a higher failure rate and children from previous relationships can play a big role in that failure if there's a lack of true acceptance, so it's likely that your values and preferences would hinder your chances of making a relationship with a single parent work, and if you did end up 'settling' for that type of relationship, if you brought your own biological children into the mix you would probably favour them even if you didn't intend to. It's not a crime to want a 'clean slate' type of relationship and at 28  you're hardly doddering into a wifeless middle-age. Perhaps something you should think about is this, you want your potential life-partner to be free of baggage from previous relationships, yet you insist on maintaining close friendships with a number of women, which is a type of baggage because you obviously need a lot of validation from women. Most people feel some degree of unease about opposite sex friendships their partner has regardless of how innocent or genuine those friendships are. Wanting to be the only significant woman in your life is perfectly normal, no-one wants to feel like they're in a competition. It's interesting that your girlfriend slept with someone else and blamed your opposite-sex friendships, that suggests that you place so much emphasis on those friendships that it makes you partner feel diminished and resentful. That's not to excuse what that girlfriend did to you, she should have just told you she was sick of feeling 'not enough' and ended the relationship. Mentioning your height and implying that 5'9" isn't tall enough is an odd thing to say, and it gives me the impression that your ego might be the reason you need so much attention from women. No intelligent woman is going to put up with that. 

[Sanch62]

Quote

... am I too old to completely rule out single mothers

Any age that starts with a 2 is not 'too old' for anything.

You are too YOUNG to start considering situations you don't really want.

While grief is natural after a breakup, don't sink yourself into fatalistic beliefs that you will be unable to find love again. Sure, grief feels deep and can give you an illusion of permanence, but it's only temporary if you keep your focus on adopting resilience and staying true to your private values and desires.

Breakups happen to most of us, and we survive them. But there's a difference between surviving and thriving. If you drill yourself into a negative pit, you will think in terms of negative extremes instead of learning moderate corrective measures to apply with confidence when seeking your next love.

You don't need to involve yourself in anyone else's family choices that don't align with your own. If you are male, you don't even have the same biological time restrictions on your fertility that women must consider. So trust your unique value as a human being, and hold out for the right person who can view you through the right lens. Allow all others to pass early and stay out of your way.

Edited July 5 by Sanch62

[introverted1]

On 7/3/2025 at 9:35 AM, Volcanferno said:

I admittedly am not fantastic in bed.

Others have addressed the single mom issue but I wanted to point out that the above is within your control.  You can (and probably should) learn to be good in bed!   

[ShySoul]

My mother had two sons before me. For that matter they both came from different men. First father left her. Second father was abusive. She stayed and raised her sons, giving everything to them, going without herself.

My father came along when they were both in their 30s. If he, at an older age then you, had ruled out a single mother (twice over), I wouldn't be alive today. My brothers wouldn't have had a father figure in their life. And my mother wouldn't have had a decent guy for a change.

While it is okay to have preferences, they should be just that...  a preference. It shouldn't be a requirement. The only requirement I try to have is just being a good person who cares about others. Everything else is subject to change. People should be treated as individuals. You can't really classify people by groups as their is so much variety even among people who seem to have certain traits in common. If you met someone who you had all kinds of things in common with, who you connected with on all levels - emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical - would you really want to not be with them just because they had been with someone else in the past? Why hold their past against them? Especially when you consider that there are all kinds of reasons a mother could end up single, and that it really doesn't say anything about her. If anything, single moms deserve more love because they sacrifice so much and it can be even harder for them to find someone.

[ShySoul]

On 7/3/2025 at 6:35 AM, Volcanferno said:

I admittedly am not fantastic in bed.  Therapist said year of personal trauma might have brought down my sex drive.

Being "good" in bed is overrated. There are many ways to express love and intimacy beyond sex. Not everyone has or needs a high sex drive. What matters is that you and your partner click and are happy together. It's being able to be open and honest with each other about everything, communicating together. It's listening to each other. And I've found that when two people are really right for each other, the physical tends to work itself out. 

I've always said to touch the heart, stimulate the mind, and the body will follow.

[Els]

11 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Being "good" in bed is overrated. There are many ways to express love and intimacy beyond sex. Not everyone has or needs a high sex drive. What matters is that you and your partner click and are happy together. It's being able to be open and honest with each other about everything, communicating together. It's listening to each other. And I've found that when two people are really right for each other, the physical tends to work itself out. 

I've always said to touch the heart, stimulate the mind, and the body will follow.

Being good in bed is absolutely essential if you want to have an active sex life with your partner. If the OP doesn't care about having sex and is willing to look for a woman who also doesn't care about having sex, then you're right that it doesn't matter. 

That being said, like @introverted1 says, if he does want to have sex, this is completely within his control. Just read up about the clitoris and female pleasure, be patient and open-minded, don't be selfish, and the rest will come with communication and practice.