brightskies Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Newbie to this forum. Hi there. My last relationship was 3-plus years; I ended it in March 2005. I’m trying to move on and meet new people, also been keeping busy and spending time with friends. Trying to get to know people slowly and not let initial chemistry blow me over. Been going on friendly dates, averaging about 3 dates per week. So, why is it that the more I go out, the sadder and lonelier I feel? I think I was less lonely when I wasn’t going out, which seems really weird. I decided to take some time to clear my head and regroup on my own before dating, so I thought that I was ready to jump back into the fray. A couple of guys who might have long-term potential seem interested in spending more time together, but my heart’s not really in it, I don’t know why. Trying to stay optimistic, but lately, I’m starting to think, "Ah, what's the point in trying anymore?" What’s going on here? Shouldn’t I be happy, footloose, and fancy-free now? It’s been almost a year.
ddnnee Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 spend your time to build self esteem. enjoy what you usually do and don't think of girls. they will come along eventually. keep yourself busy with games!
Outcast Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 So, why is it that the more I go out, the sadder and lonelier I feel? Possibly because none of the people you've been out with compares favourably with the one you left? Because you don't enjoy their company as much as you enjoyed the company of the ex?
JS17 Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 I agree with outcast but to expand.... A couple of guys who might have long-term potential seem interested in spending more time together, but my heart’s not really in it, I don’t know why. I think this means you've met a couple of great guys that you like and could go long term with. So we have some great guys but they don't compare to your ex? Of course they don't, you knew your ex for at least 3 years. Without a lot of information here, I think it is the familiarity that you don't feel, you're out of your comfort zone. It might be a good thing. You'll take your time with these new guys, get to know them more slowly and build that familiarity and comfort at a pace that's healthy for you. Think about how great it is that you have prospects. The fact that you have these guys and feel that they might be long term potential is a sure sign that you're moving on. 1
Author brightskies Posted January 16, 2006 Author Posted January 16, 2006 ddnnee, Maybe you meant guys instead of girls? I don't swing that way. Outcast, It's weird, because when I look at my past relationship, it really wasn't healthy. But we had this insane attraction to each other. I do miss the attraction, but none of the insanity! It was hard to walk away from him. JS17, Ok, maybe I was being too optimistic in saying "long-term" potential. I guess if I really think about it, it's more potential attraction -- I'm trying to give the guys a chance even if the "magic spark" isn't there right away. I haven't really had the same kind of electric, magnetic connection that I had with my last ex. But my last ex drove me batty enough to leave him. Go figure. Is it too much to ask for amazing chemistry (mental and physical) along with low drama in a relationship?
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 I was just going to say you need a man who you have chemistry with, but not that animalistic kind, cuz that kind ALWAYS comes with a price tag and a rollercoaster ride...A guy who is more normal and not into making your life too dramatic!
Author brightskies Posted January 16, 2006 Author Posted January 16, 2006 whichwayisup, Haha, did you read my mind? That animalistic chemistry -- it's amazing isn't it? I miss it. But in the time I've had to think I've gotten a clearer idea of what I want in a man: someone who's got strength of character, and is a good person, who won't drive me crazy (in a bad way) but also someone I have that spark with. I don't want a supermodel, and I don't care if he's rich. I just want someone who inspires me and who I really connect with on all levels. Who shares similar life values and who makes me want to jump his bones and who I'll want to grow old with eventually. Where's he hiding? You'd think it wouldn't be too difficult.
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