Love interest acting distant what should i do?

[Anonymous]

So a month ago i met someone online and we started talking. At first it all started as platonic regular friends with some flirting initiated by them and reciprocated by me. We had many nights of deep conversations with each other that I feel like we both enjoyed since she would often initiate when we hung out and everything too.

She went on a trip around a week and a half ago and during that trip we i guess really connected alot more. We texted each other significantly more and the conversations got alot more intimate as well. She also had this habit of just telling me what she was doing throughout the day no matter how irrelevant it was whether it was just the fact she picked up a hamburger or saw a kid doing a funny dance just basically anything. Then around 5 days ago I basically told her I really liked her and she said she liked me the same way before she initiated a 18+ text session. Note this wasn't anything quite particularly out of the ordinary for her because in general she was a very sexual person who often told me when she masturbated and alot of the flirting was on the significantly more sexual side.

Now next two days were perfectly normal if anything much more coupley then before even though we both stated we'd stay friends cause we both had things we wanted to sort out first. We told each other we missed one another, we flirted more then before and so on.

So this is where i guess I'm getting paranoid. so 3 days ago she got back from her trip and we were finally able to talk again in voice (she had bad wifi on the cruise). The call was great, filled lots of laughs and we were having fun like usual. We were asking each other questions, bantering etc and it was all really fun again as per usual maybe even more so cause it was the first time we've talked in voice in over a week. While i was answering some of the questions though I accidently said "this is why I love you so much". She just sorta chuckled a little when i said it but I know from what she described before that she really doesnt like it when people say it early. I apologized for it and said it sorta slipped out and she reassured me it was fine.

So i took her word for it in the moment but there was always a lingering doubt in my mind. So this next part maybe im just being paranoid or what not, maybe it was just coincidence but it felt like she was friendly but more distant over last two days. We still talked at night like we usually do but she didn't really flirt. She also didn't really message me throughout the day and only responded when i messaged her, and it felt like she was alot more reserved with how she went about talking about her day.

Also normally when i messaged her "I'll miss you" she'll reply back with it too or at least react with heart emoji but she didn't really say that either. We still had our late night call that day and during it she was still friendly, we still chatted but she was alot more reserved with the flirting and banter to the point where it basically felt like there was none. A day ago it felt even worse since we ended up skipping out on our usual late night talks. when i asked her to hang out as well she initially said she was busy and we'd do so later in the day when she was done her business but it just never ended up happening. Maybe this is because she came back from her trip or maybe she just been busy catching up with her other online friends but idk.

So i guess the main thing I was wondering is, should I give this more time before I say anything? Should I approach them and ask them about it? I'm someone who overthinks alot and this situation has honestly been driving me crazy. I would really appreciate any inputs or suggestions on what to do from here.

[basil67]

My advice is to recognise that you're in the throes of infatuation.  But reality is that you've never spent time with her face to face, and it's only been a month of conversing.   Basically, you're getting way ahead of yourself. 

When do you plan to meet?  How often will you be able to see each other? 

[Anonymous]

@basil67Hi, sorry I'm new to this website so im unsure how to post a reply, but an update regarding everything: I decided to apologize and they were actually confused why I was apologizing. It turns out they actually werent that bothered by it but rather it was more of a problem they found themselves feeling the same way before they were ready to engage with the relationship.

As for what you've mentioned, I totally agree with you that I was getting ahead of myself. I definitely 100% wasn't planning on saying it and it just sorta more came out in the flow of the bantering but regardless i recognize how bad that still must have sounded.

As for when we plan on meeting, we never had a scheduled time. Both of us are busy with school and such hence why we wanted to just stay friends at the moment. We live relatively close to one another though so seeing each other relatively frequently likely wouldn't have been too much of a issue.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

As for when we plan on meeting, we never had a scheduled time. Both of us are busy with school and such hence why we wanted to just stay friends at the moment.

If you live fairly close to each other, and you both have an interest, it seems odd to me that neither of you can find the time. Plenty of people are very busy with school or work and still manage to arrange meet-ups. 

Have you actually asked her to meet?

[ShySoul]

"This is why I love you" doesn't have to mean I love you in a romantic sense. It could also be flirty banter or just saying you appreciate someone. I've said it to friends and meant it platonically as in I love some aspect of them and this is why we get along so well. As she said, it wasn't anything. Try to not overthink as much. I know it's not easy. Learn to be in the moment and just appreciate being together. If you are having fun together, then things are going well.

Don't feel too bad about saying it. You've had very personal and open conversations. You are comfortable with each other. Things will slip out because you both know you are free to be yourself and express yourself. That is a good thing. Of course, be polite and mindful of what you say. But odds are you won't be saying anything she would have a problem with.

As for meeting, why not just ask? There is no rush and you should do it when you both feel the time is right. But if you both want to do it, just do it.With how close the two of you seem, it would be crazy to not meet up at some point. All you need to do is figure out what works for the two you. And when you do meet, relax and just have fun.

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

"This is why I love you" doesn't have to mean I love you in a romantic sense. It could also be flirty banter or just saying you appreciate someone. I've said it to friends and meant it platonically as in I love some aspect of them and this is why we get along so well. As she said, it wasn't anything. Try to not overthink as much. I know it's not easy. Learn to be in the moment and just appreciate being together. If you are having fun together, then things are going well.

Don't feel too bad about saying it. You've had very personal and open conversations. You are comfortable with each other. Things will slip out because you both know you are free to be yourself and express yourself. That is a good thing. Of course, be polite and mindful of what you say. But odds are you won't be saying anything she would have a problem with.

As for meeting, why not just ask? There is no rush and you should do it when you both feel the time is right. But if you both want to do it, just do it.With how close the two of you seem, it would be crazy to not meet up at some point. All you need to do is figure out what works for the two you. And when you do meet, relax and just have fun.

Hi, Thank you for the touching response, IDK if theres a way for me to reply as the poster as im still sort of new to this website. I will take your words to heart and try not to overthink things, I guess its just hard right now in the moment because they did mention they were trying to take a step back to avoid feeling too serious at the moment. Part of this taking the step back has well made it that I just don't really have many opportunities to talk with them anymore. I've seem to have been relegated really far down the priority ladder as I've lost my spot hanging out with her at night to one of her other friends and she's been playing games with another of her close friends. I'll try to do my best though to enjoy being in the moment when I get the chance. 

I'll try to keep in mind for what you said about meeting up, I think she wants space at the moment so if things ever get more normal again I will do what you suggested! Thank you.

[Anonymous]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If you live fairly close to each other, and you both have an interest, it seems odd to me that neither of you can find the time. Plenty of people are very busy with school or work and still manage to arrange meet-ups. 

Have you actually asked her to meet?

I have and she was down but currently I guess it seems she wants to take a step back cause she doesnt want to commit to a serious long distance relationship at the moment. If things ever get better though I will try and more seriously arrange a meet-up. Thank you for your input!

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Anonymous said:

it seems she wants to take a step back cause she doesnt want to commit to a serious long distance relationship at the moment.

I would take some healthy space from her. 

Otherwise you will keep stressing yourself out over this, and all for a big naybe (ie. maybe you will meet soneday, maybe not)  It would be best not to get too cozy with the messaging from here on out, unless there is a concrete plan to meet. 

 

[ShySoul]

On 7/3/2025 at 1:07 AM, Anonymous said:

Hi, Thank you for the touching response, IDK if theres a way for me to reply as the poster as im still sort of new to this website. I will take your words to heart and try not to overthink things, I guess its just hard right now in the moment because they did mention they were trying to take a step back to avoid feeling too serious at the moment. Part of this taking the step back has well made it that I just don't really have many opportunities to talk with them anymore. I've seem to have been relegated really far down the priority ladder as I've lost my spot hanging out with her at night to one of her other friends and she's been playing games with another of her close friends. I'll try to do my best though to enjoy being in the moment when I get the chance. 

I'll try to keep in mind for what you said about meeting up, I think she wants space at the moment so if things ever get more normal again I will do what you suggested! Thank you.

Balancing our feelings can be difficult. Finding that match where both are on the same page at the same time... harder then people usually think it is. Being in the moment and just taking things as they happen is challenging, but usually works out for the best. 

Let her have the space she wants. Check in from time to time. See where things go. Focus on just doing things that you enjoy and if you are supposed to meet up, you will. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You'll be fine.