Boyfriend cheating because he needs to feel like he's a bad person

[Sindun]

Does anyone know what to do when your partner cheats because he wants / needs to feel like a piece of s***? I know it’s unresolved childhood trauma and I can’t force him to go to therapy. So I’ve left him. But I still care about him deeply and hope one day to be friends but at the moment that’s not possible – we tried for the past 3 months to be friends and I thought everything was great we were building honesty etc. (and I even suggested to him a few weeks ago that our friendship might be strong because we both see potential for something more and he said that was spot on), but he was lying to me again, pretending he was single and working on himself, but he was secretly seeing someone.

[MsJayne]

Yes, I know what you should do in this situation.  You should leave him to languish in his own self-obsessive stupidity and stop wasting your life hanging out with a loser. 

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, Sindun said:

Does anyone know what to do when your partner cheats because he wants / needs to feel like a piece of s***?

I know what to do: not believe that load of equine manure for one hot second. 

 

[Sanch62]

16 hours ago, Sindun said:

...he was lying to me again

This is all you really need to know. You can't believe a word he says, and you can't fix him.

Leaving was the right thing to do, and you will thank yourself for it, hopefully sooner rather than later. He's not your project.

[ShySoul]

21 hours ago, Sindun said:

I know it’s unresolved childhood trauma and I can’t force him to go to therapy. So I’ve left him. But I still care about him deeply and hope one day to be friends but at the moment that’s not possible

You are doing exactly what a good, mature person does.

You protect yourself by not tolerating the lies and deception. You leave.

But at the same time you don't choose to hate him for it. You understand where this behavior is coming and you wish him well. You leave the door open to reconnect and be friends should he reach the point of facing his issues. You balance caring for him with caring for yourself. And you choose to forgive a person and not see them as a villian, while not forgetting or excusing poor behavior.

You have the right attitude and are doing everything right. You will be okay. I hope both of you are okay.

[smackie9]

You can't be friends with THAT. Toxic is toxic. Shove those feelings aside and go find your self worth. You can't paint a turd gold to make it real gold.