Kat2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 I am looking for perspectives and perceptions in an attempt to understand the “generalized” anatomy of an affair. In other words appeal of. Does the danger of being caught/ exposed add to the appeal of? That on the edge of getting caught. That feeling of not wanting to get caught but enjoying the edge of your seat risk. Does this secretness play into an A–heighten emotions of lust and or love? And if this is the case what happens when the thrill of begins to pale ( through exposure and or same old same old). Does this mean the end of our the begin of a downward spiral?
Astarte Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 I only can talk from my very personal perspective. "Generalized" don't exist, that's wishful thinking to control something that is highly threatening. There 's mostly very common things and signs and disasters concerning affairs, but as less as there's a generalized anatomy for marriage, there's no generalized anatomy for an affair. The reason for my affair with a married man is simply deep love and trust. Course there are women who jump into an affair without thinking, they find it exciting, they enjoy the luxury of not having to wash his socks and seeing him infront of the telly scratching his bollocks, but only having the "gentleman" and lover instead and the other way round there are guys who need to feed their ego and to prove themselves, they still are desireable. But mind, love is love and very often affairs are built on love, and I am not talking about a nice, little crush here. Being married don't castrate your feelings, sometimes a spouse realizes after years and meeting another man or woman, that there's someone else being the one, that is sad and ****e for the one to be left, but it's human. Nothing to judge. Judged can be the way one cheats, with wrong promises and dirt and games and respectlessness, but not all cheaters are like that, tho the vast majority seems. Generalizing is a huge mistake in all different parts of life.
My_Other_I Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 I don't think there is one answer to your question, as there is not just one type of an affair. I'm sure for some it's a thrill. For others the same situation might be really frustrating and painful. Depends on the level of the lovers' maturity. Some girls like the challenge (personally I'd rather challenge someone in chess then challenge someone in marriage just for the heck of it), some find themselves unable to let go, some have affairs that actually enhance the M (unless discovered), etc. It depends on how much of your feelings are invested into an unavailable man. Generally, I believe, once the A is exposed, it ends - for one reason or another. But again that is not always the case. If nothing else it would be much harder to maintain the A with the BS knowing that the WS sneaks around.
Author Kat2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Author Posted January 14, 2006 Well perhaps generalized was the wrong way to pose my question. I did so with the intent to lessen heightened feelings with relation to a sensitive subject. And I certainly do not consider that my question–answers to can explain in any generalized sense the full anatomy of the intricacies of an affair. Thess are personal, and have no intent to go there. My questions stems from my remember when(s) and those in love antic/ stunts from my younger years: having sex in parents’ house under their noses, skinny dipping ( not just) in his family’s pool. Sorry may sound juvenile but have no other comparison save for youthful antic of clandestine behavior–and the added thrill and appeal of.
Astarte Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Well, I guess it does play a role at times, the excitement, the thought of a young, crispy girl desiring an older guy, for example, can make that older guy turn into a silly teenager...and of course it is highly self-esteeming for him. I dunno if you meant that... But I can say from myself, that being in love, and the feeling, the beauty and the immense power of being in love is no different if the man is married or not, does make me a crazy cow at times and I really tend to think, my endorphines blow bubbles in my blood, as I walk around smiling, unable to stop, and strangers smile back at me or I sing Dean Martin songs at work and colleagues suss, that I've lost it or washing my hair with body-lotion instead of shampoo - that is truly an overtake by hormones. But I don't have to prove myself something or even get silly and run around telling the world, that affairs are great - they aren't. It's wonderful and I am very lucky and happy with him, but still there is suffering as not having him completely, and though I don't have ANY moral doubts, I don't see the point in insisting him to leave his wife, that is a process he is in already and it's not an easy one. I know him very well and I trust him and my high intuition, and whenever I did in my life, it was simply good.
Sami_D Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Personally, there is no aspect of my A which is composed of sneaking around. We live in different cities, and he works in another city again (which is where we've always met). For this reason we're able to be completely open when going out, and don't have to avoid anyone. Phonecalls are, again, completely open, since he's not been living at home during the weeks. On the other hand, the things that Astarte brought up... the washing his socks, cooking, etc... Those are actually things that I Long to do for him. I crave the normality of us living together, and the everyday domesticity of life with the man I love. The one thing about the 'hidden' nature of the A which really affects me is not being able to be honest about him to what little family I have, and to some close friends. I don't want him to look bad, and I'm holding off on introducing him to some people in my life. I'd like that to change.
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