Why did this happen?

[James63]

For context, this happened about a year ago and I still occasionally think about it.

A while back I went on a date with a girl from my high school. I asked her out to coffee, she said yes, we got coffee and ended up talking for an hour before she had to leave. We both had a good time and agreed to meet up again. The second time she stood me up. I don't have feelings for her anymore but I'm still wondering why she stood me up. There weren't any lulls in our conversation. Some of the reasons that I think she stood me up for include: 1) We found out we were from different political parties (I know you shouldn't bring up politics on a first date.). 2) In high school I was the shy, quiet kid but was the opposite of that when we met so it may have thrown her off. I mainly want to know if I did anything wrong so I don't repeat my mistakes.

[basil67]

If you're in the US, there is an enormous chasm between the political right and left, and so politics was likely the reason.  Thing is, our political choices reflect our beliefs, morals and ethics, and this makes us the person we are.....and she likely recognised that you are she differ in core values

You could keep your political choices a secret, but a date is going to eventually find out anyway.   If you're dating, you may as well make your political alliance public, so that it will weed out those who aren't compatible with you. 

Edited 10 hours ago by basil67

[Sanch62]

3 hours ago, James63 said:

The second time she stood me up.

Do you mean that she accepted a concrete date, time, and place to meet again, but then she ghosted?

When did you plan this second date; on the spot during the first date, or by calling to set it up afterward?

If she said, "Yeah, sure..." to a second date while on the first one, it's likely she was just trying to get away without a ripple. In that case, yes, it was likely your political divide.

This doesn't mean you should hide your political beliefs, but rather, consider using them as a screening device up front. Mention those ahead of time or post them in your profile.

[Gebidozo]

Political disagreements are a tricky issue. Political preferences often reflect our general worldview, our spiritual views, and these must be compatible for a serious relationship to work.

For example, I definitely wouldn’t date either a far right radical or a far left one. Same goes with purely spiritual preferences, these can get tricky as well. For instance, neither a militant anti-religious person nor a conservative, by-the-book religious one would fit me.

There is nothing wrong with disclosing your political views during the first date. Sooner or later this topic would have surfaced anyway. And if the girl decided not to date you afterwards due to these disagreements, that just shows that she thinks ahead and has integrity in those matters. However, she should have told you that directly.

[James63]

53 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

Do you mean that she accepted a concrete date, time, and place to meet again, but then she ghosted?

When did you plan this second date; on the spot during the first date, or by calling to set it up afterward?

If she said, "Yeah, sure..." to a second date while on the first one, it's likely she was just trying to get away without a ripple. In that case, yes, it was likely your political divide.

This doesn't mean you should hide your political beliefs, but rather, consider using them as a screening device up front. Mention those ahead of time or post them in your profile.

I planned the second date after the first date was over via text. There was a set date, time, and place. When the day came, I arrived, but she didn't.

[Gebidozo]

6 minutes ago, James63 said:

I planned the second date after the first date was over via text. There was a set date, time, and place. When the day came, I arrived, but she didn't.

Well, what did she say when you asked her why she hadn’t come?

Edited 7 hours ago by Gebidozo