James63 Posted June 28 Posted June 28 For context, this happened about a year ago and I still occasionally think about it. A while back I went on a date with a girl from my high school. I asked her out to coffee, she said yes, we got coffee and ended up talking for an hour before she had to leave. We both had a good time and agreed to meet up again. The second time she stood me up. I don't have feelings for her anymore but I'm still wondering why she stood me up. There weren't any lulls in our conversation. Some of the reasons that I think she stood me up for include: 1) We found out we were from different political parties (I know you shouldn't bring up politics on a first date.). 2) In high school I was the shy, quiet kid but was the opposite of that when we met so it may have thrown her off. I mainly want to know if I did anything wrong so I don't repeat my mistakes.
basil67 Posted June 28 Posted June 28 (edited) If you're in the US, there is an enormous chasm between the political right and left, and so politics was likely the reason. Thing is, our political choices reflect our beliefs, morals and ethics, and this makes us the person we are.....and she likely recognised that you are she differ in core values You could keep your political choices a secret, but a date is going to eventually find out anyway. If you're dating, you may as well make your political alliance public, so that it will weed out those who aren't compatible with you. Edited June 28 by basil67 1
Sanch62 Posted June 29 Posted June 29 3 hours ago, James63 said: The second time she stood me up. Do you mean that she accepted a concrete date, time, and place to meet again, but then she ghosted? When did you plan this second date; on the spot during the first date, or by calling to set it up afterward? If she said, "Yeah, sure..." to a second date while on the first one, it's likely she was just trying to get away without a ripple. In that case, yes, it was likely your political divide. This doesn't mean you should hide your political beliefs, but rather, consider using them as a screening device up front. Mention those ahead of time or post them in your profile.
Gebidozo Posted June 29 Posted June 29 Political disagreements are a tricky issue. Political preferences often reflect our general worldview, our spiritual views, and these must be compatible for a serious relationship to work. For example, I definitely wouldn’t date either a far right radical or a far left one. Same goes with purely spiritual preferences, these can get tricky as well. For instance, neither a militant anti-religious person nor a conservative, by-the-book religious one would fit me. There is nothing wrong with disclosing your political views during the first date. Sooner or later this topic would have surfaced anyway. And if the girl decided not to date you afterwards due to these disagreements, that just shows that she thinks ahead and has integrity in those matters. However, she should have told you that directly.
Author James63 Posted June 29 Author Posted June 29 53 minutes ago, Sanch62 said: Do you mean that she accepted a concrete date, time, and place to meet again, but then she ghosted? When did you plan this second date; on the spot during the first date, or by calling to set it up afterward? If she said, "Yeah, sure..." to a second date while on the first one, it's likely she was just trying to get away without a ripple. In that case, yes, it was likely your political divide. This doesn't mean you should hide your political beliefs, but rather, consider using them as a screening device up front. Mention those ahead of time or post them in your profile. I planned the second date after the first date was over via text. There was a set date, time, and place. When the day came, I arrived, but she didn't.
Gebidozo Posted June 29 Posted June 29 (edited) 6 minutes ago, James63 said: I planned the second date after the first date was over via text. There was a set date, time, and place. When the day came, I arrived, but she didn't. Well, what did she say when you asked her why she hadn’t come? Edited June 29 by Gebidozo
Sony12 Posted June 29 Posted June 29 Unfortunately people standing others up is more common than you might think. It's a way to tell people you aren't interested without actually having to directly tell them. She likely was never that interested in a second meeting but didn't have the nerve to tell you Generally people that act that way though act that way with everyone they aren't really interested in. You probably weren't the only one she has done this to. It's likely her way of handling potential conflict.
FredEire Posted June 29 Posted June 29 Ugh. I agree with the others the politics thing is likely why, but it makes me sad that the divide these days makes people feel it's acceptable to treat those they disagree with as sub-humans. It's fine if you're a dem who doesn't want to date a MAGA person, or a MAGA person who won't date a dem, that's your choice. But standing someone up on a date with no explanation is never acceptable.
Sony12 Posted June 29 Posted June 29 To be honest I think people usually just use the politics disagreement as an excuse. Lots of people who come from opposite sides of the political debate still have very happy relationships together. If people feel that there is chemistry I think very few will allow politics to get in the way. Maybe there would be problems between the outliers of the very furthest left and furthest right but most people aren't that extreme. I think politics is often one one of those already made excuses people have when they don't want something to work to begin with.
swirlingcloud Posted June 29 Posted June 29 All we can do is speculate. We will never know. Only she does. If it is of any comfort try to imagine what you two would be like if that was how she chose to act. No good. No matter her reasons. 1
smackie9 Posted June 30 Posted June 30 Look at it this way....She stood you up? You dodged a bullet. 1
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