Anonymous Posted June 28 Posted June 28 My parents want me to stay a virgin and are being very controlling over my love life lately. I am an ADULT!!! How do I get them to leave me and the guy I am seeing alone? Other family members (I won’t say who) are telling me they don’t want me being intimate with my partner, either. And I know when we meet in-person, my parents won’t let my partner and I out of their sight. I am disabled and cannot drive, and there are no transportation options in our area that I can afford to use. My only option is to have my parents drive me to see this man, which they prefer, but I DO NOT. It is frustrating, and a rather embarrassing predicament. I’ve never had s*x before, and honestly it will be quite a few more months before the guy and I meet. We are planning it all out right now. I’d happily oblige and be intimate with him if he wants. But I don’t think he will. But my parents are against it. We are both two consenting adults, for crying out loud! PS: I know for a fact that no one else my age has this issue. And it is strange. ~ P
Anonymous Posted June 28 Posted June 28 For clarity, due to having a low income and finances, I still live with my parents. I am 28. The guy I am dating is in his 30s.
Sanch62 Posted June 29 Posted June 29 My heart goes out to you. Ask your social worker or other healthcare provider for resources that can assist you with transportation beyond that offered by your parents. Also ask for resources to help you negotiate a legal privacy agreement between you and your parents. If they won't agree to that, find resources to help you find independent living. 1 1
ShySoul Posted June 30 Posted June 30 As frustrating as it is, try not to see your parents as villians here. If you are disabled, they have probably spent many years trying to protect you and look out for you. For some parents that is hard to let go of no matter the age. In their eyes you will always be the baby they need to watch out for and know what is best for. Doesn't make it right. Doesn't mean they aren't crossing lines. But probably is coming from a place of love, no matter how misguided that view may be. In the long term, start working on a plan towards independence and having your own place. Any friends you could share a place with? Any center that could help people with your disability move towards a place of their own? At some point being on your own and having that freedom is the best way to resolve your issues. As long as you are in their house, they will probably feel entitled to having a say. Have you also tried having a talk with your parents? Tell them you appriecate the concern but that you need to be able to make your own choices. Also, what are there concerns? How well do you know this guy? If you have not met in person, there is likely to be some worry about him. See if some of their concerns are reasonable and if it is a good idea to wait or take things slow. Sex isn't something that should be rushed into. I'm not saying you are, just that you should make sure it is something you fully are ready for and that this is the right guy to do it with. I hadn't had sex at your age and while it was frustrating at times, I also knew that it was better to wait until it was the right moment, with the right person. Doing it just because I wanted to have done it wouldn't have been good for me. You have plenty of time to get to that so don't do it unless you are fully ready for everything that comes with it. Trust me, the wait is worth it. In the end though, it is your choice. You should be able to make your own decisions. If he comes to see you, then you should be able to see him and spend as much time with him as you want. That would probably have to be the way it plays out given your currenty circumstances. 1
ShyViolet Posted July 1 Posted July 1 On 6/28/2025 at 3:25 PM, Anonymous said: For clarity, due to having a low income and finances, I still live with my parents. I am 28. Are you living with your parents because you are disabled? Or because of finances? Will it be possible for you to move out of your parents' house or is this a situation where you will be there long term and not able to live on your own? 1
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