am I being delusional?

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, Anonymous said:

 I’m allowed to have my feelings and yes that includes feeling jealous of his girl for being with someone I do wish I could’ve experienced more and actually explored a connection with.

You still wish you could've explored a connection with him?  What???

Even after all you know about him now, how he was just using you, how he does drugs, how he's a cheater..... you are still ignoring red flags.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I’m allowed to have my feelings and yes that includes feeling jealous of his girl for being with someone I do wish I could’ve experienced more and actually explored a connection with. All things he told me he wanted to do. 

Of course, you are allowed your feelings but you also need to deal in reality girl. You just finished your residency - physicians deal in the facts, not magical thinking. If you want to wallow in sadness and envy the woman who gets to live the life that you think you want with this coke-head, that is your decision. Don’t expect anyone else to understand it because your judgment and your reasoning are seriously off - 
 

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I was highly attracted to that person.

One can be highly attracted to another person and still make the wise decision not to pursue a relationship because it is in their best interest not to do so.

There is literally no argument to support or explain the profound disappointment you are feeling because you are unable to pursue a possible relationship with a stranger who you know to be deceptive, unfaithful, and a drug user. 

If that’s what you would choose for yourself and you are going to continue to argue the merits that in a perfect world, you should be able to pursue a relationship with this man (not the fantasy you have created in your head), then I feel really sorry for you. That is messed up. That’s all I will say… best wishes. 

Edited Wednesday at 11:59 PM by BaileyB

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I’m allowed to have my feelings and yes that includes feeling jealous of his girl for being with someone I do wish I could’ve experienced more and actually explored a connection with. All things he told me he wanted to do. 

I can only echo what others have said.  Yes, you are allowed feelings of being jealous of a girl who's with a cheater and not able to explore a relationship with a lying drug user.  

Do you recognise how insane this sounds?

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I’m allowed to have my feelings and yes that includes feeling jealous of his girl

You clearly did not understand my point at all. 

Anyway, I would suggest printing out this entire thread and bringing it your therapy appointment. There is a lot to unpack here and I don't think you even really realize how troubled you are.