am I being delusional?

[ExpatInItaly]

I have an ex who died too, so I relate to a lot of what you are saying. Mourning and grief are complex.

But looking for your ex in a strange man you don't know isn't the way forward. It's causing you to project and attach yourself to someone who has nothing to do with your ex, and to assign meaning where there really isn't a basis for it.  I do hope you're getting some professional help with your loss. I was a mess after my ex passed and remained in that place for a long while. I didn't even really see how much I needed help until some kind friends expressed  concern that I wasn't coping and was starting to make poor choices for myself. 

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

I actually googled him after the first night

And that's fine, but surely you know Google is not going to tell you the whole story about someone. You don't know who he is behind closed doors. He might be fine or he might be a complete creep. The point is not to attach youself to the idea of someone, and not to let some flattering words cloud your common sense. 

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

I just know deep down he will come back.

Come back to... what? Some more messaging? I don't mean to minimize your good times with him, but there really isn't anything to come back to. You aren't dating and he doesn't want a relationship with you. It was a fun weekend, but that's where it ended. Try not to read more into it. 

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I left my husband though because I felt like I had chosen him prematurely while grieving my ex who had died. This guy reminds me soo much of my ex.

You are doing the same thing here. You have chosen this guy prematurely without doing your due diligence - is he single? Does he have an STD? Is he a reliable partner? You have no idea. The only thing you know for sure is that he has a drug problem. And that’s a HUGE red flag. 

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I just know deep down he will come back.

How do you know that? 

You are projecting here. And I would say, if he was to return that would not be a good thing… Men who do not consistently communicate or show interest are men to be avoided… 

[FredEire]

They say cocaine is a hell of a drug for a reason. I've had several friends I've fallen out with because they turned from troubled but decent people into manipulative, delusional dickheads who would do or say anything for the next bag or ego boost.

And what he texted you after sounds pretty par for the course. My "friends" would tell everyone how wonderful, special, and all out fantastic they were, and the next minute they'd be asking for large sums of money they had no intention of paying back, or outright stealing. The last straw to stay far away from anyone like this was when one of them spiked me with MDMA because it annoyed him I didn't share his shitty drug habits.

Stay far away from coke heads, they're no good and no good will come out of the relationship until they decide to completely clean up their act and get off it forever, which given how addictive it is is much easier said than done.

[swirlingcloud]

You have ADHD, it can be more difficult for you to get off the ride, so to say. None of the what, ifs matters. You want to be played with, you want someone addicted, you want that life style? If the answer is no then you know what you should do. It's your life. Try to make the best of it :)

[Sanch62]

10 hours ago, Anonymous said:

...I left my husband though because I felt like I had chosen him prematurely while grieving my ex who had died. I never let myself get over it truly before moving on. This guy reminds me soo much of my ex. I don’t know.

You raised the question, "Am I delusional?" in your title, and I don't mean this unkindly, but yes, you are delusional. You're trying to super-impose your ex onto a coke-head who flattered you and showed you a great time.

Quote

I just know deep down he will come back. Even though I didn’t reply. I guess any evidence is what I’m latching on to.

You know 'who' will come back; your ex in the form of a coked-up guy who made you feel good for a couple of days?

You mentioned pursuing a career in the health care field. That requires stability. And as you know, trained professionals are available to help you find your stability again.

Coke-filled romps are not a way to connect with your ex who has passed, and my heart goes out to you for your loss. I hope you will please reach for any help you may need to get clarity. From a clearer perspective, you will thank yourself for your resilience and your ability to overcome the seduction of a person and a drug that can wreck your life.

[smackie9]

On 6/27/2025 at 3:11 PM, Anonymous said:

He definitely has some kind of situation. The rushing out suddenly, ignoring phone calls etc. I won’t take this personal but I definitely felt some very strong chemistry. He kept saying if it’s “destiny” etc. Alas.  I didn’t respond to the last texts he sent me but some part of me hopes he comes back 

This is called love bombing. Big red flag. 

[Anonymous]

46 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

This is called love bombing. Big red flag. 

I kinda feared this was the case. Very complimentary. 

[Anonymous]

6 hours ago, BaileyB said:

How do you know that? 

You are projecting here. And I would say, if he was to return that would not be a good thing… Men who do not consistently communicate or show interest are men to be avoided… 

Well I was the one who didn’t reply to his last two texts on Thursday  but you’re right he hasn’t attempted to contact me again although he’s always the first to watch my instagram stories.