am I being delusional?

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

This run on sentence makes little sense and offers nothing of any value. 

You were trying to play it cool by telling him that you were not looking for anything serious even though you are clearly feeling something for the man and his response was essentially - “sounds good to me. I’m not looking for anything serious but you never know how life goes…” That’s the equivalent of “maybe I’ll see you around sometime…” a social nicety that is not a commitment in any way. 
 

I totally agree with this point. 

I just wanna know what i did wrong.. why didn’t he want to seriously pick me? Is it because he’s a club promoter and travels to cities like Miami LA and Vegas all the time in addition to hosting in NYC? Was I not hot enough? I’m constantly complimented everywhere I go. I’m smart. Newly graduated from residency. We had a long talk he said he loved my convo. Does he have a girl? It’s so painful. 

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I just wanna know what i did wrong.. why didn’t he want to seriously pick me? Is it because he’s a club promoter and travels to cities like Miami LA and Vegas all the time in addition to hosting in NYC? Was I not hot enough? I’m constantly complimented everywhere I go. I’m smart. Newly graduated from residency. We had a long talk he said he loved my convo. Does he have a girl? It’s so painful. 

Perhaps you're book smart, but you are incredibly naive.

You had a holiday fling with a coked up stranger   Why would he want a relationship with you?    And why on earth would you want a relationship with him?   You don't even know this guy!

[Anonymous]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Perhaps you're book smart, but you are incredibly naive.

You had a holiday fling with a coked up stranger   Why would he want a relationship with you?    And why on earth would you want a relationship with him?   You don't even know this guy!

If I’m honest. Before I got married my ex who I’d been in a long term relationship with was murdered. I thought he and I would get married but alas… anyway this guy reminds me so much of him (my ex didn’t do drugs at all though). But his long hair, skin tone, smile, his care freeness, the way he made me feel so loved and beautiful (my ex gave me so many affirmations daily), also into music. It was weird. Part of why I ended w my husband is because I realized I prematurely got married without ever letting myself fully grieve. So anyway ya. My next step is therapy. 

[Anonymous]

I just wish he’d left me alone and treated it like a true one night stand knowing I don’t live there. He kept reaching back out. Even the day I was leaving I ignored him and he triple texted me. 

[BaileyB]

34 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I just wanna know what i did wrong.. It’s so painful. 

Is your self esteem so low that you need validation from a stranger who you hooked-up with once?

[Anonymous]

Just now, BaileyB said:

Is your self esteem so low that you need validation from a stranger who you hooked-up with once?

We actually hooked up twice. I saw him more than once while being there. His ask. 

[Anonymous]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

Is your self esteem so low that you need validation from a stranger who you hooked-up with once?

I met him two days before I left and he saw me on both of them   again I really do think him reminding me of my deceased ex is the problem. I almost thought my ex was maybe coming back through him to remind me of my value since the guy was so complimentary and my ex always complimented me… I know delusional. 

[BaileyB]

9 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

We actually hooked up twice. I saw him more than once while being there. His ask. 

A weekend fling. These things happen, enjoy it for what it was and please don’t berate yourself wondering what is wrong with you and why he didn’t want more…

There is nothing wrong with you, it’s just not meant to be your forever relationship. Nothing less, nothing more. 

I would suggest kindly that you consider finding a counsellor as it seems you have some things to work through related to your past relationships and your self-esteem. You want to be sure you are in the best place when searching for a new relationship so that you can make the best decisions possible for yourself… 

Best wishes. 

 

[Anonymous]

7 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

A weekend fling. These things happen, enjoy it for what it was and please don’t berate yourself wondering what is wrong with you and why he didn’t want more…

There is nothing wrong with you, it’s just not meant to be your forever relationship. Nothing less, nothing more. 

I would suggest kindly that you consider finding a counsellor as it seems you have some things to work through related to your past relationships and your self-esteem. You want to be sure you are in the best place when searching for a new relationship so that you can make the best decisions possible for yourself… 

Best wishes. 

 

Sorry one last question. I ignored his last two messages to me. They were essentially saying a lot of nothing like the ones prior. Would you block him? I feel as though he will try reaching out again as I do have to frequent New York due to work training. 

[Anonymous]

I should probably remove him on insta too. It’s triggering when he watches my stories. 

[Sanch62]

19 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I don’t know. I also did so because it was offered. I don’t know how to move on. 

How familiar are you with cocaine?

Do some research. You question how someone could target you with beautiful language and not mean it. That's cocaine talking. People can say anything while on it. And he's on it all the time.

You were so sucked into the moments that he spoke those things? Well, you did the coke too. Don't you believe that this has had some impact on your receptivity to the fantasy he sells?

I've had a long history of knowing people personally and working with people professionally in an agency capacity who have lost their entire future potential to cocaine. It's a party drug for a reason. It can suck you in so easily. And quickly.

Cocaine destroys lives.

You've had some of your brain centers tapped by the combo plate of doing the drug and interacting with someone who does the drug. It's created a charismatic drug-induced experience that has hit you hard.

You own the power to recognize this and avoid the temptation to engage further. If you don't use that power, I'm really sorry, but, you are screwed.

Think carefully, behave accordingly, and find a healthier way to create bonds with someone else who is healthy. If you are unwilling to do that, I'm really sorry, but you will become a satisfaction-seeking robot, and it will destroy your life.

It's a decision. Choose wisely.

[Anonymous]

2 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

How familiar are you with cocaine?

Do some research. You question how someone could target you with beautiful language and not mean it. That's cocaine talking. People can say anything while on it. And he's on it all the time.

You were so sucked into the moments that he spoke those things? Well, you did the coke too. Don't you believe that this has had some impact on your receptivity to the fantasy he sells?

I've had a long history of knowing people personally and working with people professionally in an agency capacity who have lost their entire future potential to cocaine. It's a party drug for a reason. It can suck you in so easily. And quickly.

Cocaine destroys lives.

You've had some of your brain centers tapped by the combo plate of doing the drug and interacting with someone who does the drug. It's created a charismatic drug-induced experience that has hit you hard.

You own the power to recognize this and avoid the temptation to engage further. If you don't use that power, I'm really sorry, but, you are screwed.

Think carefully, behave accordingly, and find a healthier way to create bonds with someone else who is healthy. If you are unwilling to do that, I'm really sorry, but you will become a satisfaction-seeking robot, and it will destroy your life.

It's a decision. Choose wisely.

I am familiar with cocaine and tbh it’s never given me some crazy high so I don’t do it unless offered. I have ADHD and was on adderall for years so whatever receptors dopamine wise are not the same. I will say the second time we hung out there were no drugs involved except for weed which he smoked. I would love to chalk it all up to that but I can’t. 

[Sanch62]

Just now, Anonymous said:

I am familiar with cocaine and tbh it’s never given me some crazy high so I don’t do it unless offered. I have ADHD and was on adderall for years so whatever receptors dopamine wise are not the same. I will say the second time we hung out there were no drugs involved except for weed which he smoked. I would love to chalk it all up to that but I can’t. 

There's "can't" and there's "won't". This isn't limited to your perceptions on the drug. You're dealing with someone who is on it--a lot. So he has a deteriorated mind. Is that what you want to invest yourself in getting sucked up by?

I promise I'm not judgmental or hypersensitive to drugs. I've done them, I've helped people off of them, and this isn't about villainizing anyone.

But people on coke have stripped down emotions and stripped down ethics. I hope you will consider whether involving yourself with this person is in your best interests.

That's your call. No matter what you decide, I'm on your side.

[BaileyB]

34 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I should probably remove him on insta too. It’s triggering when he watches my stories. 

That’s your answer. You block him for your own mental health - it will help you to let go and move on…

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

I will say the second time we hung out there were no drugs involved except for weed which he smoked.

No drugs except weed… meaning he was not sober the second time that you were together.

You would be very wise to steer clear for all the reasons that are well stated above. 

Edited yesterday at 01:12 AM by BaileyB

[Anonymous]

15 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

No drugs except weed… meaning he was not sober the second time that you were together.

You would be very wise to steer clear for all the reasons that are well stated above. 

Ya he said he smokes weed at least 5 times a day. I will say I was a little uncomfortable with how much coke he was doing the night I first met him. Guess it should’ve been more of a red flag. One bump fine but he was doing it back to back. 

[Sanch62]

14 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

No drugs except weed… meaning he was not sober the second time that you were together.

You would be very wise to steer clear for all the reasons that are well stated above. 

Cocaine can last up to 48 hours in one's system, and you don't know whether he snorted before meeting you.

Either you want a drug-enhanced relationship, or you want a healthy relationship that inspires a future together.

One choice will take you down, the other will build you up. You get to decide.

[Anonymous]

4 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

Cocaine can last up to 48 hours in one's system, and you don't know whether he snorted before meeting you.

Either you want a drug-enhanced relationship, or you want a healthy relationship that inspires a future together.

One choice will take you down, the other will build you up. You get to decide.

It’s just hard to be super judgmental when I did engage too although I did one bump when he did more than I could count the first night. It is clear though with him being a party promoter and constantly touring and I’m in medicine. I guess our lives would not mesh well and you’re right. Honestly the more I hear back from everyone here the more silly I feel for thinking he could be the one… 

[BaileyB]

10 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

It’s just hard to be super judgmental when I did engage too although I did one bump when he did more than I could count the first night. 

I’m not saying this to be judgmental in any way… please see the intention behind the comment… Perhaps you need to reconsider your own use because you are flirting with danger here.

As was said above - cocaine destroys lives. But, I hear a lot of minimizing in your posts - it was just one hit, it’s never given me a crazy high, I don’t do it unless it’s offered. That’s concerning to me. 

You are flirting with danger here - drugs, random hookups - I hope you see this as a wake-up call and get some counselling to find a better path for yourself. 
 

Edited yesterday at 01:47 AM by BaileyB

[Sanch62]

56 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

It’s just hard to be super judgmental when I did engage too although I did one bump when he did more than I could count the first night. It is clear though with him being a party promoter and constantly touring and I’m in medicine. I guess our lives would not mesh well and you’re right. Honestly the more I hear back from everyone here the more silly I feel for thinking he could be the one… 

Your goal isn't to judge a person as a person, it's to use discretion in finding a good match for you.

This guy is not him.

Move your focus toward seeking a match who is healthy and worth your investment.

I'm concerned about your interest in someone who can take you down. Do you have any idea how easily that can sink your whole life?

Edited yesterday at 02:35 AM by Sanch62

[ShyViolet]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I just wanna know what i did wrong.. why didn’t he want to seriously pick me? Is it because he’s a club promoter and travels to cities like Miami LA and Vegas all the time in addition to hosting in NYC? Was I not hot enough? 

It's really concerning that you are still obsessing over this guy who was nothing more than a stranger.  You really do need to block him because this is super unhealthy.  You need therapy and to take a break from dating or hookups until you get to a better place mentally.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would block him and remove him from your social media, yes. 

It is clear you are not in the right emotional place to handle a casual hook-up. Maybe it's been fine before, but it's not fine for you now. You're projecting very heavily onto this stranger and giving yourself a very hard time over his perceived rejection of you. This isn't healthy at all, and you would be wise to get him out of your life. It wasn't going to amount to more than some weekend fun and ypu're starting to spiral. 

This has little to do with him as a person, and a lot more to do with your overall emotional health these days. Kindly, there are some underlying issues that you need to address. You seem very fragile, and understamdably so, and you're not coping well with what's a fairly normal, short-lived fling. You've turned this into a measuring stick of your self-worth, which is your bright neon sign that casual sex isn't right for you at this time. 

[Anonymous]

23 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I would block him and remove him from your social media, yes. 

It is clear you are not in the right emotional place to handle a casual hook-up. Maybe it's been fine before, but it's not fine for you now. You're projecting very heavily onto this stranger and giving yourself a very hard time over his perceived rejection of you. This isn't healthy at all, and you would be wise to get him out of your life. It wasn't going to amount to more than some weekend fun and ypu're starting to spiral. 

This has little to do with him as a person, and a lot more to do with your overall emotional health these days. Kindly, there are some underlying issues that you need to address. You seem very fragile, and understamdably so, and you're not coping well with what's a fairly normal, short-lived fling. You've turned this into a measuring stick of your self-worth, which is your bright neon sign that casual sex isn't right for you at this time. 

Yea. I mean when I talk to people, when I sleep with people. Especially ones like him I really pour my soul into it. I tried connecting with him on a deeper level. I felt like mission was accomplished each time he reached out immediately after leaving my Airbnb. Or when he asked to see me again etc. I just thought he felt it too. And that’s what’s eating me alive. My ex felt it. It was mutual then and I thought I’d found that again. 

[ExpatInItaly]

14 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Yea. I mean when I talk to people, when I sleep with people. Especially ones like him I really pour my soul into it.

I would urge you not to do this with strangers. 

It's not wise and it leaves you vulnerable to all sorts of hurt, as you're seeing now. You're trying to buy the house when you've only seen it from the outside a couple times, in other words. You have no idea who this guy is, really. He could me married, a walking STI, have a criminal record, be abusive, anything. How would you feel about pouring your soul into this if you came to find out he has a wife? Or hits women? You're  not looking out for yourself when you're making reckless decisions with your heart about a guy you don't know from Adam. 

What I see is you desperately trying to heal past hurts by projecting onto a man you don't know. This is how you know it's tine to take a big step back and figure out  what's going on nside you that is driving you to make unhealthy choices. 

You say you've been separated for  3 months. What happened there? Who ended it and why? 

[Anonymous]

52 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I would urge you not to do this with strangers. 

It's not wise and it leaves you vulnerable to all sorts of hurt, as you're seeing now. You're trying to buy the house when you've only seen it from the outside a couple times, in other words. You have no idea who this guy is, really. He could me married, a walking STI, have a criminal record, be abusive, anything. How would you feel about pouring your soul into this if you came to find out he has a wife? Or hits women? You're  not looking out for yourself when you're making reckless decisions with your heart about a guy you don't know from Adam. 

What I see is you desperately trying to heal past hurts by projecting onto a man you don't know. This is how you know it's tine to take a big step back and figure out  what's going on nside you that is driving you to make unhealthy choices. 

You say you've been separated for  3 months. What happened there? Who ended it and why? 

I actually googled him after the first night when he was asking to see me again and future planning. But yea the rushing out suddenly makes me think he at least has a gf. Even tho he said he doesn’t. I left my husband though because I felt like I had chosen him prematurely while grieving my ex who had died. I never let myself get over it truly before moving on. This guy reminds me soo much of my ex. I don’t know. I just know deep down he will come back. Even though I didn’t reply. I guess any evidence is what I’m latching on to.