Am I in hot soup or she’s being difficult?

[Sony12]

I am beginning to think that these are two people that aren't really dating. Maybe she is someone that he would like to date but from what he has written so far it doesn't sound like there is much of a relationship there now that goes much further than friendship.

[swirlingcloud]

23 hours ago, basil67 said:

There is no way to know this with any certainty.  A couple can talk through what they imagine it will be like together, but only experience tells us what we want and need.   Even when both parties have experience and enthusiastically talk about what sex will be like, one or both can end up quite disappointed.  (speaking from first hand experience)

True. But as much as you can, I mean, given this is her condition and he's agreed to it. I'm sorry you had that experience. 

[swirlingcloud]

2 hours ago, elfamale said:

I think my biggest barrier now stopping me from proposing to her, is that I can’t ascertain whether we’ll be sexually compatible. She’s a virgin and I sense she’s not experienced with intimacy even though she allows me to touch her. If anything, I could be the one disappointed as how basil67 explained it above, given my gf wouldn’t know what is / isn’t good sex since she’s got no prior experience. In saying that though, intimacy is a small yet important part of a relationship, but all other aspects our relationship is going well - we have similar family values, how we manage our finances, we each own our own apartments and both climbing well career-wise.

I have to be honest with you, I am surprised you have these thoughts now when it's been five years. You must not always yourself have been experienced, one time you too were a virgin. It is what the two of you find, develop, are together in bed that matters, not her previous experiences. It is both the mental and physical connection you two will find. Has nothing to do with who you have been with previously. That is how I see it. 

You have both put your focus on other things beside the relationship. 

First you blamed your job, now it is this. She wants to get married. You want to wait and am insecure. You need to deal with that. This is way more than about canceling a date. 

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, elfamale said:

I think my biggest barrier now stopping me from proposing to her, is that I can’t ascertain whether we’ll be sexually compatible.

And you’ll never be able to ascertain that, unless you have sex with her, which she won’t do before marriage, which you won’t do because you want to ascertain whether you’ll be sexually compatible.

It’s a catch-22. Clearly, you need a woman who’d agree to premarital sexual with you. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is this stalemate situation in your relationship.

 

5 hours ago, elfamale said:

If anything, I could be the one disappointed as how basil67 explained it above, given my gf wouldn’t know what is / isn’t good sex since she’s got no prior experience.

Having sex with just one person for life without even having the possibiiity to compare is in no way a better situation than your potential disappointment.

 

5 hours ago, elfamale said:

In saying that though, intimacy is a small yet important part of a relationship, but all other aspects our relationship is going well - we have similar family values, how we manage our finances, we each own our own apartments and both climbing well career-wise.

Allow me to speak from my experience: intimacy is a huge part of a relationship. Sexual compatibility is probably the first thing that a couple should test thoroughly, because sexual dissatisfaction and frustration often lead to serious problems.

[Gaeta]

9 hours ago, elfamale said:

given my gf wouldn’t know what is / isn’t good sex since she’s got no prior experience.

Do you have sexual experience? 

If her first experience is with you then YOU will be her guide. It will be your job to make her feel safe, desired, loved. You will need to make her feel so secure that, in the bedroom, she can be herself with no holdbacks. Are you up to the job?

I married my first boyfriend. I had no sexual experiences, I had not even kissed another man before him.  I am so lucky my first experience was with a patient & passionate man that did not mind my lack of experience and was willing to guide me with love. Do you have it in you to do that?