Is moving in together a good idea?

[Els]

Just don't worry about it yet. It's way too early, it's your first serious relationship (if I remember correctly?), and you've only been together for a couple of months. MAYBE once you hit 6 months or more together and you feel like you want to, you can discuss moving in together after your leases expire.

[Els]

5 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

Because it is a possibility, as I have said, that's how my mind operates, always trying to prepare for the future and imagining scenarios that I may or may not happen.

It's not as fun as it sounds, sometimes it just keeps me up at night.

Honestly (and please know that I say this with kindness), this sounds like generalized anxiety disorder. It's a very common mental health issue and many people suffer from it. But it can lead to overthinking and self-sabotaging, which results in the exact opposite of what you're hoping for.

Of course, I'm only a stranger on the internet. It would be better for you to talk to a therapist about this, as they are equipped to diagnose these problems and to treat for them. Do you have access to therapists where you live?

Edited June 9 by Els

[MsJayne]

4 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

He mentioned that her mother asked him when were they going to meet me

This isn't actually an invitation, it's a way of letting you know he's told his parents about you. That's a very positive sign, but don't jump the gun and invite yourself because it might come across as pushy or demanding. If he rings you every night that's also a positive sign, but it can also be a early sign that someone is very controlling when they need to touch base every day so early in the relationship, so maybe try not to let your imagination run away with you and start picking your names for your children just yet. I'm guessing you'll meet his parents pretty soon, but leave the inviting up to him. As far as him and his sleep routine goes, let him worry about that, if  he wants to spend more time with you I'm sure he'll find a way of doing that without disrupting his life too much. 

[Sony12]

5 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

I would definitely blame myself if something happened to him because he didn't get enough sleep the night he went to bed late as a result of us going on a date on a weekday.

You two are both really young. You are worrying far too much and honestly it doesn't sound very healthy. Choosing to not meet more because of school or work or because one or both of you needs more sleep makes it sound like you two just aren't compatible enough with each other at this point in your lives to have a serious relationship.

 

 

[ShyViolet]

You have only been dating this guy like 2 months, from what you said in your other post.  You should not be thinking about the idea of moving in together.  It doesn't matter that you say "this is just for the future", you still should not be thinking about moving in with a guy you've been dating 2 months.  You have no idea whether you are compatible enough with him to take such a huge step.  If you are still with him a year from now, and if the relationship is still good, that would be the time to possibly think about moving in together.  It's just incredibly naive to think that it's a good idea to think about moving in with a guy you've been dating 2 months.

[Sanch62]

20 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

Would you say that I should meet them before living with him?

Is this even a serious question? What do you think could make his parents dislike you more than being introduced as the girl who has--so quickly--moved in with their son?

Maybe your school mentality has you viewing living with others casually, as though your dorm assignment will change with each semester. However, outside of that simplistic context, moving in with a partner puts a lot of weight on the relationship as well as both partners within it.

There is no more of a difficult a place to learn of any crucial incompatibilities or mismatch in emotional investments, values, ethics, or financial responsibilities than a position of dependency on another to make your own rent, much less meet long term requirements of a legal lease agreement and all additional expenses and move-out obligations that go along with it.

Consider any other creative ways to meet in the middle or compromise other things to carve out time to spend together. However, for such a new relationship, you may be working way too hard and stretching way too far on this issue right now.

Edited June 9 by Sanch62

[ShyViolet]

22 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

Should I wait for them to invite me again or should I invite myself? 

I'm willing to do what would make me look as person that knows what's she is doing in a relationship with an older guy.

Meeting the parents is something you usually do when a relationship has become "serious".  And you are not in a "serious" relationship with a guy when you've been dating for 2 months.  You may think you are, but you are not.  You should not invite yourself to meet his parents, that would be weird and it would be like you are trying to put pressure on the relationship and rush things.  You seriously need to relax, and stop overthinking everything.  Let them take the initiative of inviting you.

[smackie9]

Moving in together solves nothing. Keep your independence, focus on YOU, not him. You don't bend over backwards to be with a man. IMO you two should just keep this casual until something changes in your schedule, like him living closer to his job, and you finished with school so you can set your own schedule...you know let things adjust as you go along. All I'm saying is, don't lose sight on who you are by sending yourself into a permanent orbit around this guy making him your whole world. Want to spend more time together? Sure I get it, the relationship is new and you two are crawling over each other...the infatuation stage. SLOW DOWN... find other ways to make this work, but hell don't be living with the dude you barely know. Living together is not like playing house and it's not easy. 

[Acacia98]

19 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

He has proposed we could go out during weekdays, I didn't agree to something that would mean he doesn't get enough sleep.

Am I making a big deal about him needing to sleep so he doesn't have an accident?

I honestly think it's reasonable to not want to be the reason why he makes bad choices like denying himself sleep if it's going to affect his health and his ability to drive safely. In fact, I commend you for being considerate.  The whole "you would deny yourself sleep if you really loved me" approach to love is overrated. And it breeds resentment in the long run because sufficient sleep is something the body actually needs. I'd say continue being considerate. But you don't have to be super-vocal about it because, as others have indicated, it can be interpreted as mothering, and a whole lot of baggage comes with that.

If you want to spend more time together, consider having sleepovers when it works for you both. But definitely do not move in together until you've been together for a year or so.

I agree with the person who said you may have undiagnosed anxiety. Please seek professional help to see if that's the case. And also consider looking into meditation as a way of helping you manage your anxiety.

[Sanch62]

12 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

If you want to spend more time together, consider having sleepovers when it works for you both.

Or chipping in for a hotel room on occasion at a midway point between you or somewhere closer to where he works if you have the ability to tackle more of the travel the next day.

You may have mentioned this, but I don't recall, how far away do you live from one another? Do you live in the opposite direction from his job?

[Gina2005]

On 6/10/2025 at 12:44 PM, Sanch62 said:

Or chipping in for a hotel room on occasion at a midway point between you or somewhere closer to where he works if you have the ability to tackle more of the travel the next day.

You may have mentioned this, but I don't recall, how far away do you live from one another? Do you live in the opposite direction from his job?

We live fairly close, you could say that I live closer to his work than him, but it's a 5 minute drive from his place to mine.

I like the idea of meeting in a hotel closer to his work one day, the semester is almost over, maybe it will work better if I don't have to go to college the next day.

I'll start looking for hotels.

Thanks!

 

[ThorLyonsSalem]

You haven't known each other for a very long time. Over time you'll see if this can and does work for you, even if you want to be with him in an LTR. Give it a few and see how you both feel about one another.

Moving in? I don't see how moving in together will help you or this guy at all in this situation. Put that off for a long time. 

[BaileyB]

If you live five minutes away, distance is not your problem. It’s scheduling. A hotel isn’t going to improve that. Neither will moving in with the man.

To restate the obvious, two months is way too soon to even be contemplating the idea of moving with the man. Focus on planning fun dates, having memorable experiences and getting to know they guy…

[ExpatInItaly]

On 6/12/2025 at 8:06 AM, Gina2005 said:

I'll start looking for hotels

Perhaps you already have, but run this by your boyfriend first. See if he's willing to chip in for a room. 

The solution needs to work for both of you. 

[Sony12]

I'm wondering if the OP knows what going to a hotel generally implies? He's going to think he's going to get super laid.

[Gina2005]

22 hours ago, Sony12 said:

I'm wondering if the OP knows what going to a hotel generally implies? He's going to think he's going to get super laid.

I thought that was a given.

[Els]

6 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

I thought that was a given.

Hey, if you feel ready and you think it'll be fun, I don't see a problem with getting a hotel. Lots of couples do that to spice things up once in a while. 

Generally, though, it feels a bit concerning to me that you seem to think that you need to work so hard for this relationship. It's good to put in a balanced amount of effort, but you shouldn't feel like you need to be doing all this for a relationship of 2 months. It's very early. 

[Gina2005]

2 hours ago, Els said:

Hey, if you feel ready and you think it'll be fun, I don't see a problem with getting a hotel. Lots of couples do that to spice things up once in a while. 

Generally, though, it feels a bit concerning to me that you seem to think that you need to work so hard for this relationship. It's good to put in a balanced amount of effort, but you shouldn't feel like you need to be doing all this for a relationship of 2 months. It's very early. 

It's not that I think that I have to work hard for my relationship, it's just that I want more, more of it, a day and a half a week doesn't feel enough.

 

[Els]

10 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

It's not that I think that I have to work hard for my relationship, it's just that I want more, more of it, a day and a half a week doesn't feel enough.

 

I understand, but that's also part of my point. You shouldn't be feeling like you need to work this hard to get "enough" of him at the 2 months' stage. 

[Sony12]

A lot of times in situations like this the reason people feel as close as they do is because they don't see each other all that much. When/if they do start seeing more of each other is when reality kicks in.

Also the guy may be perfectly happy with the current date schedule. This is one area where men and women often differ. When women feel things are going well they want to increase the time together. Men on the other hand are often perfectly happy with her being a part of his weekly/ bi-weekly schedule but not necessarily his entire week.

Edited Sunday at 11:29 AM by Sony12

[basil67]

22 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

It's not that I think that I have to work hard for my relationship, it's just that I want more, more of it, a day and a half a week doesn't feel enough.

 

Spending good money on motels isn't going to fix it.   

Does he even want to spend money on regular motel stays?   And if he thinks it's a good idea, do you both have a lot of spare cash to do this regularly?