Is moving in together a good idea?

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

Would you say that I should meet them before living with him?

Just how long are you planning to wait to meet his parents????   

[MsJayne]

No, don't do it, not for at least a year. Is it possible that you could stay over at his place a couple of nights during the week without it disrupting your schedule too much? As far as living together goes, if you're happy with a de facto arrangement then, when the time comes, go for it, but if you're hoping to get married one day then I suggest waiting until he's ready to take that step before you start playing the full-time role of a wife. 

[Gina2005]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Just how long are you planning to wait to meet his parents????   

I guess that they would have to invite over to their place or he could set us up for dinner or lunch or brunch at a restaurant.

Should I ask him to meet them or just wait?

[Gina2005]

4 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Is it possible that you could stay over at his place a couple of nights during the week without it disrupting your schedule too much?

I guess I could start doing that on Saturday's night so he doesn't have to go to bed too early and I don't have to wake up alone the next day.

Sounds like a good way to start!

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

I guess that they would have to invite over to their place or he could set us up for dinner or lunch or brunch at a restaurant.

Should I ask him to meet them or just wait?

Meet his parents when you are ready.  As for how to do it, he's already asked you to met them - so when you want to meet them, let him know you're OK with it. 

Don't move in with him until you have maintained a solid relationship for at least a year.  

[Gina2005]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Meet his parents when you are ready.  As for how to do it, he's already asked you to met them - so when you want to meet them, let him know you're OK with it. 

Don't move in with him until you have maintained a solid relationship for at least a year.  

It's not like he asked me to meet them, her mother asked casually "when are we going to meet her?"

[basil67]

Just now, Gina2005 said:

It's not like he asked me to meet them, her mother asked casually "when are we going to meet her?"

If he didn't ask you to meet them, why were you posting about not being ready?

[Gina2005]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If he didn't ask you to meet them, why were you posting about not being ready?

Because it is a possibility, as I have said, that's how my mind operates, always trying to prepare for the future and imagining scenarios that I may or may not happen.

It's not as fun as it sounds, sometimes it just keeps me up at night.

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

Because it is a possibility, as I have said, that's how my mind operates, always trying to prepare for the future and imagining scenarios that I may or may not happen.

It's not as fun as it sounds, sometimes it just keeps me up at night.

In your post about this, you said they have suggested it to him....and he's told you they'd like to meet you.  Unless he said that it's too early, then this is an invitation to meet them

Edited Monday at 03:15 AM by basil67

[Gina2005]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Do you realise that if what you're posting about hasn't actually an issue, you would receive very different advice.  I mean, my advice was given with the understanding that you'd been invited to meet them.  But if he hasn't invited you, I'd say "you really can't make a decision before it happens"

Don't be mad at me, when he mentioned what her mother told him my mind started racing.

I didn't feel like I was ready and tried to find some advice.

I'll probably be ready sooner than I expect.

[Gina2005]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

In your post about this, you said they have suggested it to him....and he's told you they'd like to meet you.  Unless he said that it's too early, then this is an invitation to meet them

Should I wait for them to invite me again or should I invite myself? 

I'm willing to do what would make me look as person that knows what's she is doing in a relationship with an older guy.

[basil67]

10 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

Don't be mad at me, when he mentioned what her mother told him my mind started racing.

I didn't feel like I was ready and tried to find some advice.

I'll probably be ready sooner than I expect.

I'm not mad.  It's just frustrating taking time to give advice to someone who keeps changing the story.

Meet them when you are ready.   But it would be extraordinarily foolish to move in with him if you're not ready to meet his parents

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Gina2005 said:

Would you say that I should meet them before living with him?

Absolutely. In anycase you two definitely aren't serious enough at this point in time to even bring up the idea of living together. Wait six months to a year and if you two still feel the same way you do now then consider it. 

[Gina2005]

21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm not mad.  It's just frustrating taking time to give advice to someone who keeps changing the story.

Meet them when you are ready.   But it would be extraordinarily foolish to move in with him if you're not ready to meet his parents

I'm sorry but I don't see how I have changed the story:

He mentioned that her mother asked him when were they going to meet me, I thought it was too soon and came here to ask how long we should be together before meeting his parents, he didn't tell me something like "my mother's wants to meet you" or, "I want you meet my parents", that would be a different story, but again, her mother asked him when, he told me what her mother had said, and I didn't took that as an invitation to meet them, I took it as if it was his choice on when he was going to ask me to meet his parents.

I recognize I could or should have took that as a invitation, I didn't, now I'm wondering how to bring that topic back.

Edited Monday at 03:51 AM by Gina2005

[ExpatInItaly]

I thnk you need to slow down in general, OP. 

You're getting way too caught up in ideas of meeting the parents and moving in and things that may or may not happen in the future. You two have just barely started dating and up until recently, it wasn't even clear if he liked you as more than a friend. 

Let things unfold more natrually here. See if you are still dating 6 months from now. Then see how things go and if you make it to one year. You aren't even sure yet if your lifestyles are compatible. There is no need to be racing ahead in your mind with all these future hypotheticals. Are you looking for some way to reassure yourself that this relationship is going to work? Reading between the lines, I see a young woman looking for some reassurance that her boyfriend is as committed as she is, especially since you feel you don't see him that much. 

[Gina2005]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I thnk you need to slow down in general, OP. 

You're getting way too caught up in ideas of meeting the parents and moving in and things that may or may not happen in the future. You two have just barely started dating and up until recently, it wasn't even clear if he liked you as more than a friend. 

Let things unfold more natrually here. See if you are still dating 6 months from now. Then see how things go and if you make it to one year. You aren't even sure yet if your lifestyles are compatible. There is no need to be racing ahead in your mind with all these future hypotheticals. Are you looking for some way to reassure yourself that this relationship is going to work? Reading between the lines, I see a young woman looking for some reassurance that her boyfriend is as committed as she is, especially since you feel you don't see him that much. 

That's one of my many flaws, always thinking ahead, when I was competing in sports at highschool I could barely sleep the night before an event, I was just thinking about the race, or the hurdles, or what to do to avoid falling while running or jumping, and what to do if I fell, and.....

We don't see each other that much, and we are not going to have more free time to be with each other, not until I finish college (or quit work which of course I don't plan to do), and that's a few years from now.

I'm thinking (way ahead I know), on ways of having more time to be together until then.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Gina2005 said:

I'm thinking (way ahead I know), on ways of having more time to be together until then

It's okay to try to think of ways to have more time together. Moving in is not a good way at this point, for reasons already outlined in this thread. 

Let me ask you this: does he want to spend more time together too? Does he share your concerns that you don't see each other enough? Or does he seem fine with the way things are? 

[Gina2005]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Let me ask you this: does he want to spend more time together too? Does he share your concerns that you don't see each other enough? Or does he seem fine with the way things are? 

Of course he does, he even tries to spend more time than he should on the phone with me every night.

He mentioned that he is concerned I'm gonna get bored of this relationship if he can't find more time to be with me.

[Carlston]

You've been with this guy a bit over a month and you're thinking about moving in together. 

You hardly know a person after that short amount of time, there is no good reason to even consider such a thing.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Gina2005 said:

Of course he does, he even tries to spend more time than he should on the phone with me every night.

He mentioned that he is concerned I'm gonna get bored of this relationship if he can't find more time to be with me.

Okay, so what are his ideas to remedy this? 

Because you're both right to be concerned if your lifestyles and schedules don't line up. That can indeed lead to the end of a relationship. 

[Gina2005]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Okay, so what are his ideas to remedy this? 

Because you're both right to be concerned if your lifestyles and schedules don't line up. That can indeed lead to the end of a relationship. 

He has proposed we could go out during weekdays, I didn't agree to something that would mean he doesn't get enough sleep.

Am I making a big deal about him needing to sleep so he doesn't have an accident?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

Am I making a big deal about him needing to sleep so he doesn't have an accident?

He is an adult and can surely take care of his own sleepiness. I am quite certain he knows when it's time for him to go to bed. 

Don't try to mother him. 

Edited Monday at 06:07 AM by ExpatInItaly

[Gina2005]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

He is an adult and can surely take care of his own sleepiness. 

Don't try to mother him. 

I would definitely blame myself if something happened to him because he didn't get enough sleep the night he went to bed late as a result of us going on a date on a weekday.

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

I would definitely blame myself if something happened to him because he didn't get enough sleep the night he went to bed late as a result of us going on a date on a weekday.

With due respect, you need to get over yourself. He's not a kid who doesn't know how to take care of his needs. Have a little more respecct for that. 

He is a grown man. He is perfectly capable of knowing how much sleep he needs and when he should call it a night. If you can't let go of your hang-up about this, and refuse to see him on weekday night as a result, you will do more harm than good to this relationship. 

Is there some reason you think you know better than he does when he needs to go to sleep? You're bordering on infantilizing him. If you can't knock that off, you're not actually ready for an adult relationship.

Or are you just reaching for a justification to suggest moving in together? 

Edited Monday at 06:21 AM by ExpatInItaly

[Gebidozo]

59 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

He has proposed we could go out during weekdays, I didn't agree to something that would mean he doesn't get enough sleep.

Am I making a big deal about him needing to sleep so he doesn't have an accident?

Yes, you are.

He is a big boy and he should know himself when and how much he wants to sleep. 

If he wants to spend more time with you on weekends, and you want that too, then just do it.

At any rate, it’s a more sensible idea at this point than moving together.