Is moving in together a good idea?

[Gina2005]

Hello!

I have a particular situation with my bf, we can only go out about once or twice a week, from Monday to Saturday he wakes up at 4:30 am to go to work, drives a long distance to get to his workplace at 6:00, then he works around heavy machinery, which are loud (and dangerous if you are not careful), he has to supervise personal outside and then goes to his desk for a while, then out again with the machines and outside of his office several times a day.

He has little to no time for around to chat with me for like ten to twelve hours a day, during that period of time most of what he does is, he sends me a meme, or a funny sticker.

Me on the other hand, I go to college in the morning, work in the afternoon and go out at 7:00pm and get to my place around 7:30pm, if my bf wants to sleep 8 hours, he has to be sleeping at 8:30pm, so we have like an hour or so to talk from Monday to Friday, sometimes we last longer than that but I don't want him to be all sleepy at work or driving.

I don't work or have classes Saturday and Sunday, so those are the days we can be together,  Saturday after 4:00pm and the whole Sunday.

With that little time we will be around each other, do you think living together will be good for our relationship?

He will be alone at home after work, by the time I get there he will be getting ready to go to sleep, I would wake up alone, etc.

What do you think? 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Gina2005 said:

do you think living together will be good for our relationship?

Haven't you only been together for a very short time? 

 

[Gina2005]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Haven't you only been together for a very short time? 

 

Yes, I'm thinking about the future, we aren't going to have more free time any time soon.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't even worry about this right now. 

You first need to see how the relationship goes. It would be way too soon to consider moving into until you know whether or not the relationship is solid and if you two have what it takes to make it long-term. 

If you are concerned that you don't have enough time together with your boyfriend, address that with him. Moving in together shouldn't even factor into this conversation. 

Edited June 8 by ExpatInItaly

[Gina2005]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I wouldn't even worry about this right now. 

You first need to see how the relationship goes. It would be way too soon to consider moving into until you know whether or not the relationship is solid and if you two have what it takes to make it long-term. 

If you are concerned that you don't have enough time together with your boyfriend, address that with him. 

Somehow I feel like we are currently the opposite of those couples that broke up during the COVID lockdown, we have so little time to be together that it is impossible to know if we are perfect for each other or we are just cherishing the day and half a week we have available to see each other.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

 it is impossible to know if we are perfect for each other 

You wouldn't know that so soon into a relationship anyway. Take your time here, girl. You're getting way ahead of yourself. 

Haven't you only been dating about a month? Until recently, according to your last threads, you had actally only seen each other a few times. At this early stage, I am curious to hear how much time you think you should be spending together. Where is this all suddenly coming from? 

Edited June 8 by ExpatInItaly

[Sony12]

In another thread you mentioned how long you have been dating this guy. And it's only been two or three months. That is way too early to be thinking about moving in. Things might seem to be going well now but three months from now you two might not even be dating anymore.

You mentioned here you are still in college and he is probably around the same age. The last thing you two want at this point is to be sharing expenses and dividing up a place between your things and his.

I can already tell from your opening post that the two of you have a lot of lifestyle differences. If you moved in together now you might not be able to get over those differences.

 

 

Edited June 8 by Sony12

[Gina2005]

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

At this early stage, I am curious to hear how much time you think you should be spending together. Where is this all suddenly coming from? 

It just, probably, we are starting to get physically intimate, and that has messed up my head.

First date, first kiss, all that, it's all been him, I must be too much into him and that's why I'm thinking way way ahead.

I feel stupid now, sorry.

[Gina2005]

4 hours ago, Sony12 said:

I can already tell from your opening post that the two of you have a lot of lifestyle differences. If you moved in together now you might not be able to get over those differences.

What do you mean?

 

Edited June 8 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Sony12]

Just now, Gina2005 said:

It just, probably, we are starting to get physically intimate, and that has messed up my head.

First date, first kiss, all that, it's all been him, I must be too much into him and that's why I'm thinking way way ahead.

I feel stupid now, sorry.

It's normal to make a big deal out of your first time. However there is a very real chance at this point that the reason you two feel as close to each other as you do is because you don't see each other very often.

Instead of moving in together just try to go on more regular dates. You definitely don't want to jump into real life right now when you two still probably don't even know each other that well yet.

[Sony12]

4 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

What do you mean?

[ ] 

Just the fact that your schedules don't line up very well. He's usually sleeping by the the time you get home.

People's schedules not lining up very well is a compatibility issue.

Edited June 8 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Gina2005]

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Just the fact that your schedules don't line up very well. He's usually sleeping by the the time you get home.

People's schedules not lining up very well is a compatibility issue.

He is not sleeping, he has like an hour left before going to bed.

[Sony12]

Just now, Gina2005 said:

He is not sleeping, he has like an hour left before going to bed.

And when he is that strict about his schedule that isn't a sign that you two should be moving in together at this point in time.

Is the idea of moving in together even something you have brought up to him?

[Gina2005]

Just now, Sony12 said:

And when he is that strict about his schedule that isn't a sign that you two should be moving in together at this point in time.

Is the idea of moving in together even something you have brought up to him?

No, I'm just thinking of the future.

And he is not that strict, I mentioned that sometimes he stays up more time but I don't want him to be sleepy  while working around heavy machines or driving before the sunrise.

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

No, I'm just thinking of the future.

And he is not that strict, I mentioned that sometimes he stays up more time but I don't want him to be sleepy  while working around heavy machines or driving before the sunrise.

Based on your photo and your screen name it looks like you are only around 20 or so. Just enjoy things for now and don't worry about the future. Things get a lot more 'real' when people move in together and often times if they try to do that too soon they find out that they don't actually like each other as much as they thought they did.

An early 20 something year old guy (which I assume he is) going to bed at 8:30 does sound like someone who is pretty strict about his schedule. That's the age when you are supposed to be able to get by without having a whole lot of sleep.

[Gina2005]

48 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

An early 20 something year old guy (which I assume he is) going to bed at 8:30 does sound like someone who is pretty strict about his schedule. That's the age when you are supposed to be able to get by without having a whole lot of sleep.

You keep bringing that up, he is almost 26, I'm the one that tells him "baby, it 8:30 (or 9 or 10 or whatever), you should go to sleep, you have to work tomorrow", if we did in fact lived together, I would continue to do that because I care for him and (again) I don't want him to be sleepy working around heavy machinery, or driving.

 

[basil67]

You need to slow down.  Yes, he's a fun guy.  He's thoughtful and patient, and you enjoy the time spent together....and I'm sure there's many good things which you haven't told us because they aren't a problem.  

But you've also got an age gap, significant difference in relationship experience, significant difference in what you want from sex (while his ex girlfriend didn't work out, he's already let on how much he enjoys a girl who's freaky in bed) and significant difference in the hours you keep.   These things may turn out not to be issues at all.......one or more things may turn out to be dealbreakers.   Or something else you don't even know about yet. 

To be clear, none of this is criticism of you or him, and nobody is wrong.  Please enjoy your time with him, but at the same time, try and keep yourself somewhat grounded.

[Foxhall]

5 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

don't work or have classes Saturday and Sunday, so those are the days we can be together,  Saturday after 4:00pm and the whole Sunday.

that enough for now,

stay living apart for as long as possible.

[Gina2005]

27 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You need to slow down.  Yes, he's a fun guy.  He's thoughtful and patient, and you enjoy the time spent together....and I'm sure there's many good things which you haven't told us because they aren't a problem.  

But you've also got an age gap, significant difference in relationship experience, significant difference in what you want from sex (while his ex girlfriend didn't work out, he's already let on how much he enjoys a girl who's freaky in bed) and significant difference in the hours you keep.   These things may turn out not to be issues at all.......one or more things may turn out to be dealbreakers.   Or something else you don't even know about yet. 

To be clear, none of this is criticism of you or him, and nobody is wrong.  Please enjoy your time with him, but at the same time, try and keep yourself somewhat grounded.

I understand that I look like I'm thinking way ahead of myself, and that I have to keep myself grounded.

But so far  I haven't seen any issues that worry me or that we can't work out, I'm not gonna be in college forever, I have no intentions of remaining a virgin, and who knows if I can be freaky in bed too in the future, it's just a no threesomes policy, and he hasn't even mentioned that we should have a threesome.

I was just thinking about the future, and how things could work between with the little time we have during the weeks until I finish college, after that I could find a job with a different schedule, he could get a promotion so he doesn't have to be up at 4:30, who knows.

That's how my mind operates, always trying to prepare for the future.

 

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Gina2005 said:

I understand that I look like I'm thinking way ahead of myself, and that I have to keep myself grounded.

But so far  I haven't seen any issues that worry me or that we can't work out, I'm not gonna be in college forever, I have no intentions of remaining a virgin, and who knows if I can be freaky in bed too in the future, it's just a no threesomes policy, and he hasn't even mentioned that we should have a threesome.

I was just thinking about the future, and how things could work between with the little time we have during the weeks until I finish college, after that I could find a job with a different schedule, he could get a promotion so he doesn't have to be up at 4:30, who knows.

That's how my mind operates, always trying to prepare for the future.

 

When in a new relationship, it's very sensible to enjoy the here and now,  keep an eye on the things which may or may not become a problem, and yes, consider the future.  But sometimes when thoughts of the future come waaaay too soon, it's best to just whack them down a bit.  One step at a time.  

[Gebidozo]

Please don’t rush it. It’s way too early to even be thinking about moving together at this point of your relationship.

I used to be eager to move together as soon as possible and got excited about it every time. I can tell you with confidence that those decisions to live together were among the main causes for the painful end of those relationships.

Enjoy and savor the limited time you spend with your partner. The later you move together, the better. 

[Gina2005]

35 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Enjoy and savor the limited time you spend with your partner. The later you move together, the better. 

Why is it better?

[Sanch62]

You haven't even felt ready yet to meet his parents. I'd pull way back on romanticizing the idea of living together. It's way too premature for that.

Head high, and enjOy getting to know one another. You'll thank yourself later for being patient today.

[Gina2005]

Just now, Sanch62 said:

You haven't even felt ready yet to meet his parents. I'd pull way back on romanticizing the idea of living together. It's way too premature for that.

Head high, and enjOy getting to know one another. You'll thank yourself later for being patient today.

Would you say that I should meet them before living with him?

[Gebidozo]

Just now, Gina2005 said:

Why is it better?

Because moving together is a huge thing. It completely changes your life and usually adds a lot of stress and new problems, surely so if done too early.

Few things kill romance quicker than house routine and being constantly exposed to your partner’s everyday habits. You want to postpone it as much as you can, so that when you arrive at that point living together will be a kind of a comfortable retirement rather than the beginning of a slow, painful decay.