To send a pic or no? UPDATED

[basil67]

You're overthinking.  And under communicating.  If you don't know what the plan is, but would like to know, the simple solution is to ask what he's got in mind

Did you send the selfie he wanted?  Was he enthusiastic about receiving it?

Edited June 10 by basil67

[Sugarspice25]

18 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You're overthinking.  And under communicating.  If you don't know what the plan is, but would like to know, the simple solution is to ask what he's got in mind

Did you send the selfie he wanted?  Was he enthusiastic about receiving it?

He replied with a emoji. 

Yes you're right. I'll ask him tomorrow. 

 

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

He replied with a emoji. 

Yes you're right. I'll ask him tomorrow. 

 

Kindly, what's going on with all this over thinking?   What are you worried about?

[Sugarspice25]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Kindly, what's going on with all this over thinking?   What are you worried about?

I need to relax lol

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

I need to relax lol

Is anxiety something you tend to struggle with?  You’re far from the only one

[Sugarspice25]

Just now, basil67 said:

Is anxiety something you tend to struggle with?  You’re far from the only one

I do actually

[ShyViolet]

A guy who's trying to get you to go to his house after one date is probably not a guy who is looking for a relationship.  If he suggests that, he's looking for a hookup and then you'd probably not hear from him again.  Who cares how you "sound" ?  If he shows you that he's just looking for a hookup you simply say no, you don't bend over backwards trying to "sound feminine".  Simply say "I'd rather go out somewhere" or "not ready to do a movie night yet".  If he's interested in dating you properly, you'll know.

[smackie9]

You can't woo a man playing games like that. If his intention is to simply get you in the sac, then why are you lowering yourself to a guy like this to not scare him away by sounding feminine. That's not how it works...if he's got that in his mind, there isn't a response of any kind from you to change that. To me he's a red flag. He has no interest in putting in effort to get to know you proper. Plus this guy is a stranger to you...you never want to put yourself in a situation where you are left vulnerable and at the mercy of being alone in a stranger's home. A true gentleman would invest his time in getting to know you, putting his best foot forward, trying to impress you by taking you out on dates, looking well dressed, smelling good, opening doors for you etc....this guy isn't doing that. 

[Sugarspice25]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You can't woo a man playing games like that. If his intention is to simply get you in the sac, then why are you lowering yourself to a guy like this to not scare him away by sounding feminine. That's not how it works...if he's got that in his mind, there isn't a response of any kind from you to change that. To me he's a red flag. He has no interest in putting in effort to get to know you proper. Plus this guy is a stranger to you...you never want to put yourself in a situation where you are left vulnerable and at the mercy of being alone in a stranger's home. A true gentleman would invest his time in getting to know you, putting his best foot forward, trying to impress you by taking you out on dates, looking well dressed, smelling good, opening doors for you etc....this guy isn't doing that. 

Actually he did that the first date.  Took me to a 5 star restaurant,  opened doors for me. Ordered me an Uber back home. Asked a lot of questions about me. No he was good thats why ai am interested in seeing him again.

[basil67]

21 hours ago, Sugarspice25 said:

I do actually

Kindly, are you seeing a professional to help you manage your anxieties?   It can't be fun dating when you're constantly second guessing your interactions with him.   Regarding the original question, why do you need to sound feminine when putting a boundary in place?   

5 hours ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Actually he did that the first date.  Took me to a 5 star restaurant,  opened doors for me. Ordered me an Uber back home. Asked a lot of questions about me. No he was good thats why ai am interested in seeing him again.

That's all a bit much for a first date.   Unless he's uncommonly wealthy and likes to show off his wealth (which is not a great trait) do you realise that he can't sustain this?   Be careful that this isn't a bait-and-switch.  

[Sugarspice25]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Kindly, are you seeing a professional to help you manage your anxieties?   It can't be fun dating when you're constantly second guessing your interactions with him.   Regarding the original question, why do you need to sound feminine when putting a boundary in place?   

That's all a bit much for a first date.   Unless he's uncommonly wealthy and likes to show off his wealth (which is not a great trait) do you realise that he can't sustain this?   Be careful that this isn't a bait-and-switch.  

What is much? What do you mean?

Yes he is wealthy so that's normal for him.

[basil67]

19 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

What is much? What do you mean?

Yes he is wealthy so that's normal for him.

It's like he's trying to use his money to impress, and I get the icks with people who show off their wealth.  But that's just me.  

Just don't let yourself feel obliged to have sex because he's spent a lot of money on you. 

 

[smackie9]

8 hours ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Actually he did that the first date.  Took me to a 5 star restaurant,  opened doors for me. Ordered me an Uber back home. Asked a lot of questions about me. No he was good thats why ai am interested in seeing him again.

Hun that was only a first date....you can't base a guys intentions on a nice first date...I'm talking about continuing these dates. I say that's sounds like overkill...be wary of those who over do, love bomb, over compliment, have an unusually amount of compatibility. There is this thing called scam dating. 

[Guest]

So I had my second date yesterday and went out biking and afterwards dinner. I like him. We have good chemistry together  , we joke, we have fun but he was pushing for me to stay over and talked about sex.  I told him my boundaries that even though I'm attracted to him I'm not ready and its too early, and that I usually reserve sex for a committed relationship. He just looked at me and said okay and changed the subject.  Before I called it a night, again he suggested for me to stay over and again I declined him.

Today he texts me that he had another great day with me and I told him same I like our time together.  He just hearted it but didn't ask for date 3. So now I don't know what to think. Why didn't he ask me out and book that date again?

[Sony12]

3 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

So I had my second date yesterday and went out biking and afterwards dinner. I like him. We have good chemistry together  , we joke, we have fun but he was pushing for me to stay over and talked about sex.  I told him my boundaries that even though I'm attracted to him I'm not ready and its too early, and that I usually reserve sex for a committed relationship. He just looked at me and said okay and changed the subject.  Before I called it a night, again he suggested for me to stay over and again I declined him.

Today he texts me that he had another great day with me and I told him same I like our time together.  He just hearted it but didn't ask for date 3. So now I don't know what to think. Why didn't he ask me out and book that date again?

Everyone has their own comfort levels for when sex happens. Some are perfectly comfortable having it happen on date 1 or 2 while others prefer to wait a bit. You just have to find someone who you are compatible with in that regard. This guy clearly enjoys having sex early on while you do not. Probably best you two go your separate ways. Neither of you have done anything wrong as of yet but you just aren't compatible with each other in that area.

[Sugarspice25]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Everyone has their own comfort levels for when sex happens. Some are perfectly comfortable having it happen on date 1 or 2 while others prefer to wait a bit. You just have to find someone who you are compatible with in that regard. This guy clearly enjoys having sex early on while you do not. Probably best you two go your separate ways. Neither of you have done anything wrong as of yet but you just aren't compatible with each other in that area.

Huh?? I want to date to have a potential relationship not just to have sex when I'm not yet comfortable with him. If his intentions are serious he will wait.

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Huh?? I want to date to have a potential relationship not just to have sex when I'm not yet comfortable with him. If his intentions are serious he will wait.

Yes he would. However when he brought it up that many times and hasn't brought up a third date yet he probably is mainly just looking for sex. Don't spend too much time on this guy.

[Sugarspice25]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Yes he would. However when he brought it up that many times and hasn't brought up a third date yet he probably is mainly just looking for sex. Don't spend too much time on this guy.

He just told me on the date "next time you'll sleeping over" 

I think you're right though and thats a bummer because I really liked him so far. 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, Sugarspice25 said:

He just told me on the date "next time you'll sleeping over" 

I think you're right though and thats a bummer because I really liked him so far. 

Yeah if he said that he definitely is mainly just looking to get laid. If he tries to get a hold of you again just tell him you don't feel the two of you are looking for the same thing.

[Sugarspice25]

Is this expected nowadays from Men? They want to have sex with you before deciding yo be together?

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Huh?? I want to date to have a potential relationship not just to have sex when I'm not yet comfortable with him. If his intentions are serious he will wait.

Huh?  There is no rule that a guy will wait for sex if he's serious.  Rather, it's about compatibility and seeing if you both want the same thing.  Thing is, he could equally argue that if his intentions are serious, he should check that you're sexually compatible before committing.   If the two of you can't agree, then you go your own ways.   

That said, I know you didn't want to hear it, but I saw problems with this guy after he spent all that money on you on the first date.   A first date is generally an affordable, casual meet and greet, such as a glass of wine or coffee and an icecream.   Second date is somewhat nicer.  

13 minutes ago, Sugarspice25 said:

Is this expected nowadays from Men? They want to have sex with you before deciding yo be together?

Lots of people have have sex before deciding to be together.  And it's been happening since the 1970's when contraception became readily available.   And yes, a lot of men AND WOMEN will want to gauge sexual compatibility as part of the process.   Of course, you don't have to change what you want, and some guys will wait.... but don't expect others to change their methods to suit you.

[Sugarspice25]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Huh?  There is no rule that a guy will wait for sex if he's serious.  Rather, it's about compatibility and seeing if you both want the same thing.  Thing is, he could equally argue that if his intentions are serious, he should check that you're sexually compatible before committing.   If the two of you can't agree, then you go your own ways.   

That said, I know you didn't want to hear it, but I saw problems with this guy after he spent all that money on you on the first date.   A first date is generally an affordable, casual meet and greet, such as a glass of wine or coffee and an icecream.   Second date is somewhat nicer.  

Lots of people have have sex before deciding to be together.  And it's been happening since the 1970's when contraception became readily available.   And yes, a lot of men AND WOMEN will want to gauge sexual compatibility as part of the process.   Of course, you don't have to change what you want, and some guys will wait.... but don't expect others to change their methods to suit you.

So why did he text me today that he had another great date with me? 

[Sugarspice25]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah if he said that he definitely is mainly just looking to get laid. If he tries to get a hold of you again just tell him you don't feel the two of you are looking for the same thing.

So he's looking for more casual than potentially getting to know me?

[basil67]

Just now, Sugarspice25 said:

So why did he text me today that he had another great date with me? 

Unless he agreed to wait for sex, then I guess he's getting ready to have sex with you

[Sony12]

He knows you like him and he's trying to keep your interest. And probably thinking that if you like him enough you will give in and give him a little of what he wants despite what you said about wanting to wait.

Edited June 13 by Sony12