Gina2005 Posted May 29 Posted May 29 Hello! How long into a relationship is a good idea to meet the parents? Or what other metrics are to be considered before meeting them? Thanks.
Gebidozo Posted May 29 Posted May 29 It absolutely doesn’t matter. You can meet the parents within days of being in a relationship, have a great time with them, and then the relationship ends for unrelated reasons. You can never meet the parents and have a great relationship with your partner. From my experience, meeting the parents (mine or my former partners’) was a neutral experience at best, a complication and an annoyance at worst. Remember that you are in a relationship with your partner, not with his parents, and only the two of you can make any decisions about the relationship.
Author Gina2005 Posted May 29 Author Posted May 29 6 hours ago, Gebidozo said: It absolutely doesn’t matter. You can meet the parents within days of being in a relationship, have a great time with them, and then the relationship ends for unrelated reasons. You can never meet the parents and have a great relationship with your partner. From my experience, meeting the parents (mine or my former partners’) was a neutral experience at best, a complication and an annoyance at worst. Remember that you are in a relationship with your partner, not with his parents, and only the two of you can make any decisions about the relationship. But what happens if they want to meet me but I don't feel ready? Is not like they have said it directly to me, but to him, can we pretend like he hasn't told me anything and just keep going about our lives until I feel like It? 1
basil67 Posted May 29 Posted May 29 16 minutes ago, Gina2005 said: But what happens if they want to meet me but I don't feel ready? Is not like they have said it directly to me, but to him, can we pretend like he hasn't told me anything and just keep going about our lives until I feel like It? Life is full of things which we don't want to do, but we do anyway because it's the right thing to do. Just pull up your big girl panties and go meet them
Author Gina2005 Posted May 29 Author Posted May 29 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: Life is full of things which we don't want to do, but we do anyway because it's the right thing to do. Just pull up your big girl panties and go meet them Isn't too soon? What if they don't like me?
basil67 Posted May 29 Posted May 29 They'll like you even less if you refuse to meet them! Seriously girl, just get your act together and go show them a bit of respect
Gebidozo Posted May 30 Posted May 30 4 hours ago, Gina2005 said: But what happens if they want to meet me but I don't feel ready? Is not like they have said it directly to me, but to him, can we pretend like he hasn't told me anything and just keep going about our lives until I feel like It? Personally, I don’t think you should meet anyone unless you want to. Pretending is silly and dishonest, though. Just say directly that it’s too soon for you and you aren’t ready yet. My partner’s parents still refuse to meet me after almost 3 years of relationship. There are so many cases where parents refuse to accept their children’s partners, or interfere and do all sorts of things to ruin relationships. For some reason nobody tells them that they should show some respect. 1
basil67 Posted May 30 Posted May 30 @Gina2005 given your username, I'm guessing you're about 19 or 20. Is your boyfriend of a similar age? Does he live at home with his family? Does he talk about you with them? Because I think that his personal situation makes quite a difference to the equation. Like it or not, parents are often more involved when their kids are younger
Els Posted May 30 Posted May 30 (edited) 8 hours ago, Gina2005 said: Isn't too soon? What if they don't like me? Just to be clear, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to meet them, you don't have to. But if the reason why you don't want to meet them is because you're afraid they won't like you... Then isn't it better to find out now rather than later? Postponing the meeting isn't going to make them like you more. If I was going to be disliked by a partner's parents, I'd rather know ASAP. More importantly, I'd want to see how the partner reacts to it. Unless you've given them a really good reason to dislike you, it's a red flag and a waste of time to be with someone who lets their parents dictate who they date. Edited May 30 by Els 1 1
Els Posted May 30 Posted May 30 (edited) 4 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Personally, I don’t think you should meet anyone unless you want to. Pretending is silly and dishonest, though. Just say directly that it’s too soon for you and you aren’t ready yet. My partner’s parents still refuse to meet me after almost 3 years of relationship. There are so many cases where parents refuse to accept their children’s partners, or interfere and do all sorts of things to ruin relationships. For some reason nobody tells them that they should show some respect. Your partner is Asian, right? Unfortunately many Asian parents feel like they're entitled to create a laundry list of requirements for their adult children's partners and to act like toddlers throwing a tantrum when the list isn't met. Not a doctor or lawyer? Next. "Wrong" race? Next. "Right" race but can't speak the language? Nope. It is incredibly frustrating. But as long as the partner doesn't allow it to affect them, you should be mostly fine. Edited May 30 by Els 1
Gebidozo Posted May 30 Posted May 30 15 minutes ago, Els said: Your partner is Asian, right? Right. In defense of her parents, it’s not about my career or age or race, but rather because they think she shouldn’t have chosen me over her ex. Apparently they liked him like a son. So they still think that she’s made a mistake and possibly hope that our relationship is a passing folly. 1
Acacia98 Posted May 30 Posted May 30 18 hours ago, Gina2005 said: Hello! How long into a relationship is a good idea to meet the parents? Or what other metrics are to be considered before meeting them? Thanks. I guess it depends on how old you are, how long you've been together, what sort of relationship it is, what stage of the relationship you are at, and the meaning that everyone involved attaches to such a meeting. If you provide contextual information, we might be in a better position to answer your questions. 1
Bettyyyyy Posted May 30 Posted May 30 There’s no exact timeline, but a lot of people feel ready to meet the parents after 3–6 months if the relationship is going well and feels serious. it’s less about time and more about how solid the connection is. If it feels natural and not forced, that’s usually a good sign you’re ready 1
Author Gina2005 Posted May 30 Author Posted May 30 The full context: The whole story of how we started dating In short: I'm 19, he is 25, I live with my grandmother, he lives by himself. We have been official for little over a month. On the subject of how did his parents asked to meet me is, they asked him when are they going to meet me, I already talked with his mom, sort of, she videocalled him while we were on a date, she said "Hello beatiful!", I said "Hi!" and waved, I had a bunch of fries in my mouth at the moment and felt embarrased and awkard. I do believe it is too soon, and we are still figuring things out, it's not like I'm gonna move in with him anytime soon.
flitzanu Posted May 30 Posted May 30 4 hours ago, Gina2005 said: I do believe it is too soon, and we are still figuring things out, it's not like I'm gonna move in with him anytime soon. explain "too soon" .... too soon for what? that you're not going to get married? they're still just people. you can meet the parents and still break up a week later, or you can meet the parents and you'll never break up. what exactly are you "figuring out" that has any relation to meeting parents? 1
Author Gina2005 Posted May 30 Author Posted May 30 1 hour ago, flitzanu said: explain "too soon" .... too soon for what? that you're not going to get married? they're still just people. you can meet the parents and still break up a week later, or you can meet the parents and you'll never break up. what exactly are you "figuring out" that has any relation to meeting parents? I just don't want to add pressure to a relationship that is just starting and in which we both have very little free time to be together, one or two days a week, I don't know much about his parents, I don't know if they are nosy, prejudiced, if they would want an older girl for their son, let's say, with a college degree and a better job than mine, or with something in her name, at least a car. I'd rather see how things go between us before taking the step of meeting his parents; a lot can come of that. Three months seems like a more reasonable amount of time to me. 1
Els Posted May 31 Posted May 31 (edited) 11 hours ago, Gina2005 said: I'd rather see how things go between us before taking the step of meeting his parents; a lot can come of that. Three months seems like a more reasonable amount of time to me. If this is how you feel about it, then that's a valid choice, just tell him that. FWIW I do agree with you that 1 month of casual dating is a bit soon. I had an ex in college who brought me to meet the parents (and everyone else in the extended family...) after 1 month, I thought it was rather quick but I went along with it. His parents liked me, but it turned into this very awkward relationship where eventually it felt like his parents were getting way more invested in me than him (prodding him to do things with me, for instance!), while the two of us were casually dating with no plans for the future. We were monogamous, sure, but we were still casual. Just felt awkward for everyone involved when we decided we weren't compatible and it ended. Edited May 31 by Els 1 1
Sanch62 Posted June 1 Posted June 1 I'd find out more about how BF feels about this, and whether he's feeling pressured by his folks. If so, why? They only know about you based on what he says. This is up to him to manage, not you. 1
ShyViolet Posted June 1 Posted June 1 You've only been dating this guy a month. It is too soon to be worrying about this. If he lived with them, you would probably have met them by now just casually, but since he doesn't live with them, it would be a formal "meeting" like a dinner or something. It is way too soon to be worrying about this and it puts too much pressure on the relationship. I would wait until at least the 3 month mark to consider doing a "meeting" with them. Maybe even the 6 month mark. There is no need to rush this. You are not marrying the guy. 1 1
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