Divorce Insight

[Betterdaysahead13]

My wife and I have been together for 13 years. Married for probably 10 years. She had a child that was 3 years old when we started dating. Her and I had two children together. We adopted her sisters two children, due to their parents neglect, abuse, drug habits, etc. In total we have 5 children now. My wife wanted to start a music business (Have rap artists sign contracts with her and she represent them for a fee). We sat and talked about our expectations and boundaries with this business. I told her it would take time to meet artists who would want to sign with her, build her brand, get connections/venues for her artists to perform, etc. We discussed time away from family and boundaries about what wouldn’t be acceptable. In short we both agreed on “terms” so this endeavor wouldn’t negatively affect our marriage or the kids well being. This business was the beginning of our downfall and hers. At first she would go to events, studios, etc and call me afterwards. Letting me know she was safe and on her way home. I was super happy for her to chase her dreams. Slowly she became distant, hiding her phone under her pillow at night, having less and less time for myself and the kids. Always talking on the phone….yelling at the kids for even speaking to each other in the living room or watching tv at a reasonable volume, saying “This is a business call, shut up”. Her and I spoke about her using another room in the house as her office space in order for her to take/make calls quietly and uninterrupted. Sometimes she would take calls in the room and other times it was her at the dining room table/couch lashing out at the family. Again, I understood if the little monsters were running around screaming and hanging from the chandelier. I would quiet them down and explain that the behavior is for outside. She wouldn’t even let anyone speak when she was on the phone. I sat down with my wife and explained that the kids and I still had to live life. We still wanted to communicate, enjoy movies, play board games, etc. Her calls would often last hours. I realized this is going to get really long…..so I’ll cut it short and leave out the details. She had an affair with another man about 6 years into our relationship. She left me and the kids (3 of them at the time) flew to another state and had the affair for a week or two. She did this twice. I found out through a text she received early one morning. The text showed a picture of my wife naked standing in the doorway of a hotel bathroom. Then a picture of her breasts out lying on her back in a hotel bed. This wasn’t even the guy she was having the affair with. This particular picture was sent by the man’s girlfriend who found the picture in his camera roll. My wife tried to lie and claim “we took the picture to get rid of his crazy ex”. The same ex who sent the pictures with angry paragraph along with it. I questioned my wife and she claimed nothing happened in the hotel, but she was having sex with another guy while she was out of town. She left town in the first place to be with her sister who was grieving a death I believe. I found out she didn’t stay with her sister, but stayed with the guy the whole time and even brought a few of his hats and button up shirts back with her. She of course had made up stories about all that too. I found out also recently that the man she was naked in the hotel room with……:she had been seeing more recently. He gave her a tattoo apparently and she spent 3-4 mornings in a row sneaking off to where he was staying. He lives with his parents and they got a hotel room together one day. She claimed “It’s where he gave me the tattoo.” She was friends with him before her and I met. But this guy is on drugs and sells drugs apparently. I found out she drove him to some rehab place and paid for it all with our money. I also found a PowerPoint type of music collage on her phone. It was pictures of them or pictures she had sent him of her in his hat, with a sexual song in the background. I also found texts sent to music artists that were out of state about her wearing lingerie and then eventually having sex. She claimed “I have to be a certain way in this industry to reel in the artists”.  Obviously, a lie. She spent a week or so in Florida for some networking events for the music stuff. Flew back a little while after. She didn’t like when I sat and spoke to her about our marriage, and spending time with the kids. She ignored them or would just yell all the time, calling them names and threatening to send our 2 adopted nephews back to Florida, since this music thing started. Then one day she decided she was going back to Florida  She abandoned me and our children (claiming it was business) for probably about 6-8 months. She flew to Florida where she does have family. Her family only would let her stay with them a short while because my wife isn’t very nice to people and basically uses them until they aren’t willing to give anymore. She ended up staying with a female she met at one of her networking events. (My wife is a smooth talker, but burns a lot of bridges. She makes up a lot of what she says and when her “friends” find out she had been lying she moves on to the next “friend” that she just met. She stayed with a woman for a few months in a nice high rise apartment in Miami. She still would act like her and I were together. But would only text and almost never call. She cheated on me multiple times with many many artists ( I found out through the same girl she was staying with in Miami.) Once my wife burned the bridge with the girl, I eventually spoke to the girl. The woman told me that my wife claimed I abused her and made up a sob story to make the woman feel bad. This is why the woman let my wife stay with her. My wife brought guys back all the time to the woman’s apartment and the woman even claimed a man my wife brought back tried to rape the woman. My wife apparently appeared to be on drugs and was hanging around her sister (the sister that we adopted the kids from due to drug abuse, etc). My wife was spending all of our money also. It got so bad that we were down to emergency funds and only enough to cover the bills for the month. I texted and called my wife explaining we could not afford her spending anything else. That weekend she flew out a male rapper from another state. Her and her sister rented an expensive car to pick him up. They all stayed in a hotel in Key West and booked jet skiing and other expensive things (restaurants, etc). My wife brought that male back to her sisters house (her sister has cerebral palsy). Her sister told me that my wife and the male kicked her sister out of the room and they spent the night together in that room. At that point I had no money for bills. I was super embarrassed and had to borrow money from a family member of mine to cover that months bills. My wife then came back to Ohio, but was home maybe once a week. Then she pretty much disappeared for 4-5 months. She would occasionally FaceTime the kids or call them. She showed up for 4-5 hours a month and only to pick up clothes and leave again. She smelled like weed all the time and she even had the cops called on her when visiting the kids school. She tried to pick up one of our boys one day and her and some guy showed up smelling like weed. The school called the cops and nothing really came of that. I have seen videos of her in cars smoking weed with her now “fiancé” and waving a pistol around acting crazy to loud music. I have talked to many of her friends that don’t speak to her anymore. For some reason they are all females. One particular female was with her when I was talking to my wife on the phone. I told my wife that the kids needed their mother. To see her, have her love. That I was trying my best; but I couldn’t provide the love, nurturing and unseen things a mother provides. I grew up with a single mom and had almost all my time with her. I know what a loving mother provides and at least somewhat what a kid needs a mother to provide. My 5 kids wondered what happened to their mom. When they spoke to her “she would say, I’m working”. The kids resented her for being gone. She showed back up after months of being gone and pretended like we were a family again. I let her know that her and I would never be what we once were. She came back because she had a fight with the guy she had left us for and thought we were the backup plan. We were never the priority. This man has tattoos on every once of his body, to include his face. My wife now also has a bunch of tattoos and many on her face now. To include the man’s name with blood dripping down. My wife has racked up numerous toll fees from driving around the United States with this guy. The speeding cameras they have some places. I get the tickets for her Speeding, because the car is in my name. Of course we bought it a few months before she started this “music business”. Her fiance was in jail for a few years for robbery. He got out and they met at a studio somewhere. They both got arrested a few months ago for having weed and a unregistered gun in the car. He will be in jail for another year or so, but of course now she’s back at home. Now that she’s back the kids of course want to spend every second they can with her. I want to get divorced, but hesitant. I always hear that the court sides with the Mother. She refuses to get a real job and makes money here and there at studios. I wish I could sign the car over to her and not have responsibility. Heck, I’d even keep paying for it if I wasn’t responsible for the tolls and tickets that she gets. I want the kids to have a mother that is present and caring for them. I don’t want her finance around my kids EVER. I wouldn’t mind a normal guy with a good head on his shoulders, but this is not the man. My wife has told me that her finance has held guns to other people’s heads, they smoke weed and sell drugs if they need to. Thats not at all the company my children will keep. I always heard and believe this to my core “You become who you surround yourself with.”  She secretly has brought my kids around him before he was in jail and even let this guy shower in my home when I was at work. She forces the kids to FaceTime him while he is in jail. My 16 year old told me the other day. “Mom was trying to make me talk to her boyfriend. She said word for word “Come talk to your favorite dad”. I live in Ohio and assume I’m f***ed no matter what when we divorce. In the end I just want custody of my 5 kids. She already has told us that she is moving to GA. She lies to me and says she isn’t with the guy; but the kids tell me the truth. She tells them she is moving with the guy once he’s out of jail. She doesn’t have a job and I give her about 1700 a month to live on. I’ve been covering all the bills, mortgage,etc to include the car she drives. I can’t even think about the kids spending time with her and the man my wife is going to marry. The company they keep will only bring negativity and danger into my kids lives. Obviously …..I need a lawyer. Just wanted some insight on my situation and what to expect. Thanks ahead of time. 

[Carlston]

The multiple affairs, the bad parenting, the drugs, the tattoo on her face with another guy's name with the blood dripping down would have been acceptable but the excessive tolls from her driving all over the place would be a deal breaker. 

[MsJayne]

Your wife is a selfish pig and a filthy skank, and she needs a rocket fired up her rear. Her ambition of being a manager for musicians is a joke, sounds more like she's just a groupie with the IQ of a corn-flake. You need to go to social services and explain the situation, tell them all about how she abandoned all of the kids, about her drug abuse, dealing, etc, and the danger the children will be in if she has custody of them. Three of the five kids are not your responsibility and you're being taken for a big ride there. If you're going to care for three kids that aren't yours you should be entitled to support for them, so you need to get that sorted, social services will point you in the right direction. Just make sure you throw her and her sister straight under the bus. As for the tattoo of some redneck's name on her, why doesn't she just wear a neon sign that says "Stupid Ho"? It would send the same message. Your kids need protecting from her and her stupid sister. If the sister's got Cerebral Palsy, why is she doing drugs? She can't look after her kids but she can get high as a kite? Sounds like being an a**hole runs in their family. Take action, the children need protecting from both of them. Where are the grandparents?  

[Sanch62]

2 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Where are the grandparents?  

And where is your attorney?

[tzorno]

What are you doing man?  Why are you allowing yourself to go through this?  The marriage has been over for a long time now.  Make it official.  Your wife is a parasite with no character at all.  Get the attorney and get it done already.  You will end up with the kids (she honestly doesn't want them anyways) and it's going to be hard financially and mentally, but at least they will be away from that poison and finally have a life with the good example and person that truly cares for them.  

I'm sorry your going through this but enough is enough.  You deserve better than this.  Have the self respect to make it so.

[Will am I]

On 5/28/2025 at 1:53 PM, Betterdaysahead13 said:

My wife and I have been together for 13 years. Married for probably 10 years. She had a child that was 3 years old when we started dating.

Observation one: she's broken up a life partnership before. Just a statistic, nothing to judge on its own accord, but relevant in this picture.

 

On 5/28/2025 at 1:53 PM, Betterdaysahead13 said:

We discussed time away from family and boundaries about what wouldn’t be acceptable. In short we both agreed on “terms” so this endeavor wouldn’t negatively affect our marriage or the kids well being.

Observation two: something inside of her wants to be free and play around to the point that it could apparently interfere with a marriage. Else you wouldn't need to have this convo.

 

On 5/28/2025 at 1:53 PM, Betterdaysahead13 said:

Slowly she became distant, hiding her phone under her pillow at night, having less and less time for myself and the kids.

Observation three: she seems to be pulling out of the marriage and family and she has a certain secrecy around it.

On 5/28/2025 at 1:53 PM, Betterdaysahead13 said:

She had an affair with another man about 6 years into our relationship. She left me and the kids (3 of them at the time) flew to another state and had the affair for a week or two. She did this twice.

Observation four: she's a serial cheater.

On 5/28/2025 at 1:53 PM, Betterdaysahead13 said:

I found out through a text she received early one morning. The text showed a picture of my wife naked standing in the doorway of a hotel bathroom. Then a picture of her breasts out lying on her back in a hotel bed. This wasn’t even the guy she was having the affair with. This particular picture was sent by the man’s girlfriend who found the picture in his camera roll. My wife tried to lie and claim “we took the picture to get rid of his crazy ex”. The same ex who sent the pictures with angry paragraph along with it. I questioned my wife and she claimed nothing happened in the hotel, but she was having sex with another guy while she was out of town. She left town in the first place to be with her sister who was grieving a death I believe. I found out she didn’t stay with her sister, but stayed with the guy the whole time and even brought a few of his hats and button up shirts back with her. She of course had made up stories about all that too.

Observation five: she has a persistent habit of lying.

On 5/28/2025 at 1:53 PM, Betterdaysahead13 said:

I found out also recently that the man she was naked in the hotel room with……:she had been seeing more recently. He gave her a tattoo apparently

Observation six: even among people who have affairs, she's the boundless one.

Let me elaborate. Most women who have an affair will compartimentize it, that means they section off a limited space where the affair may exist and reserve the other space in their lives for their husbands and families. Getting a tattoo with an affair partner is quite the opposite. It allows the affair to enter the other space. The tattoo is there when she's in the hotel room with him, but it's also there when she's sleeping in your bed. That's remarkably boundless.

On 5/28/2025 at 1:53 PM, Betterdaysahead13 said:

[...], and spending time with the kids. She ignored them or would just yell all the time, calling them names and threatening to send our 2 adopted nephews back to Florida

Observation seven: she doesn't appear to be "mom material" either.

I don't even feel like reading through the rest of your story but I am perfectly clear that you need to dissolve this marriage as soon as possible.

In the mean time, file reports with police and CPS for every single instance where she lashed out at the kids. This is you collecting ammo for the custody hearings.

The good part is that she'd probably let you keep the house. She sounds like the kind of woman who will just stray from her family and go live with her AP. You're moss on a rolling stone.

 

 

Edited May 29 by Will am I