Can't figure out where we stand. Is she into me is she not? What do you think [merged threads]

[swirlingcloud]

I find it is weird she is more comfortable around you after you told her you were interested in her, the possibility of something happening between you in a romantic sense. I have been around guys I only viewed as friends material when all of a sudden they start to flirt. That did not make me comfortable, me sharing more details of my life, sex would be the last thing I would think of mentioning. I would be straight forward as in saying I am in a relationship or I am in love with someone else or simply I do not think of you this way. I do not feel we have that kind of chemistry, but thank you, sort of. There are those who likes to have an ego boost by knowing a male friend is into them. If I were you I would not want to hang around her to get confused, or my hopes up, as I simply would see it as a warning sign that she on one hand is more comfortable with you, on the other you are left hanging as  she made it clear she is not into you like that. One reason she could be sen by you as more comfortable could be because she felt you were there for her when she needed you. But still her knowing you are into her would not make me, if I was her, that is, more comfortable. 

[Bettyyyyy]

Hey, I’ve actually been in a really similar situation, and I totally get how confusing it can be. On one hand, she says she’s not looking to date, but on the other, she’s opening up, and saying she wants to hang out... that’s mixed signals city

Sometimes people genuinely want the emotional support and attention without being ready (or willing) to take things further. And yeah, strong-willed or not, it kind of sounds like she’s enjoying the connection — but also trying to keep control of the situation by telling you not to get your hopes up.

It might not be "fishing" in a manipulative way, but more like she’s testing the waters — seeing if you’ll stick around, if you’re safe, if there’s chemistry, or maybe even just soaking up attention during a confusing time.

If I were you, I’d keep showing up as a solid friend only if you’re truly okay with that and won’t feel hurt if she never changes her mind. But if being around her is making you hope and overthink every little thing (been there ), then maybe take a little emotional step back and protect your peace.

[enterthevoid]

There's no such thing as friend zone.  She's either romantically attracted to you or she's not.   

That's not in your control.  All you can do is shoot your shot, and let her decide.

[BaileyB]

On 5/29/2025 at 7:14 PM, Amtguy said:

She said she’s in no hurry to do anything with anybody really right now we both have exams in five weeks or so they could determine our careers.

She’s focused on school right now, and rightly so. She does not want the distraction of a new relationship. I would wait, and ask her out after the exams are finished. It’s hard to say right now if she is interested in dating or friendship based on your description. I would assume friendship, unless you ask her out and she gives you some clear signs that she is more interested in dating. 

[Gaeta]

When we're attracted to someone it's not a feeling we can put on hold on a shelve. 

If she was romantically interested in you she would have offered an alternative time. She would not want to miss an opportunity to be with you.

She likes the male attention you've been giving her ( you like my body?) but she does not sound romantically interested to you.

Edited June 7 by Gaeta

[FredEire]

It's doesn't sound like she's interested, probably time to let this one go. In my experience someone who's interested doesn't start saying it isn't a good time because of X, Y and Z, they will make time because they like you and are excited to see you.

I agree with @enterthevoid that there isn't really such thing as a friend zone, but if you want to avoid this situation you need to shift away from being the guy who is always available for a pretty woman. Have a full, busy life and then only make the effort to give your precious time to someone who is making the same efforts that you are.

[enterthevoid]

Yeah.  I wouldn't view it in terms of "what I can do differently to win over this person", but rather redirecting your time onto people who are interested.

Some people get stuck on one person (who isn't reciprocating interest) too long.  They spend weeks waiting to ask them out.  They spend months lingering around hoping they change their mind.  They get emotionally invested in them before they've even had their 2nd or 3rd date.

It's just easier if you ask someone on a date within a few days (of knowing that you're interested in them).  And if they don't reciprocate that energy at all within a week and don't express any interest in going on a date, then move on.  And meet other men/women.

Edited June 8 by enterthevoid

[smackie9]

I'm gonna take a quick shot at this....sounds to me she's only in it for the attention....the more you give it to her the more you get sent into the friends zone. When one opens up about personal stuff.... in no way a sign of intimacy/romantic interest. I have a feeling this has been your mistake all along with women. You want to be desirable, well then be less available. 

[Amtguy]

We are finishing a major mile stone in our paths to become mechanics, and I don’t think she will ever come around to my advances. Where do you think I should look for a relationship. I wish I could just turn off my emotions completely. I’m just to helpful to other people to let what small friendships I have go. 

It’s been over six years since a date and eight since a relationship. What should I do?

[Acacia98]

Tell us more about yourself. I presume you have a life and interests outside your academic/training program? How do people normally meet love interests in your context?

[swirlingcloud]

You have to want to get over her and if that is your mission you have to do what it takes, but if you do still have the smallest hope she could be into you tell her. If she do not and stand in your way thus to find love then focus on dating, go where singles go or mixed crowd, take the oppurtunities you see. Best of luck

[Els]

On 6/14/2025 at 4:26 PM, Amtguy said:

I don’t think she will ever come around to my advances

When you say "advances", do you mean that you're just hinting here and there, or you've actually asked her out?

If you've asked her out and she says no, then you definitely need to stop trying and move on. Nobody wants to be asked out multiple times by a person they've said no to.

If you've only hinted but never actually asked, then you need to ask.

Edit: Is this the same woman that you were talking about in this post? If it is, JFC dude, you need to back WAY off and just accept that she doesn't want to date you. Because she literally told you so. Why are you even hoping she'll "come around"!??!

 

Edited June 15 by Els

[ShySoul]

She is being honest. She doesn't want to date, AT THIS TIME.

That doesn't mean you are "friendzoned." That doesn't mean something can't happen in the future.

I meet someone just as friends. We talked online and on the phone every night for a month before meeting in person. We spent time together just as friends. Feelings grew and we became more. Same thing happened with a second woman. Feelings can change and grow. Doesn't mean it will happen, but anything is possible.

Being friends is not manipulative or fishing for something. Being friends is simply being friends. It means she is comfortable with you and likes being around you.It means she trusts you. And those are good things. Those are the foundations a future relationship could be built. And if it doesn't become more, it's just nice to have someone who gets you and you can talk to. Don't look for hidden agendas, just take things for what they are and enjoy whatever you have in the moment. We can all use another friend in this world.

[ShySoul]

Relationships shouldn't be something you look for. They should be something that happens to you when the time is right, when you meet the right person.

People have this idea that we need a romantic relationship to be complete. They think they need to be doing all these things, going places, meeting all kinds of people, having lots of dtes to try people out, putting themselves out there. But the reality is that none of that guarantees anything. It can also cause people to put more stress on themself to have to be perfect and have all these dates. It can frustrate people when things don't work out.

Best thing to do is focus on you and embrace what it is that makes you happy. Don't  worry about meeting people, just live your life and do what you love. Life will put people in your path and when the time is right, someone will strike your fancy. Then you take a chance and see what happens.

I'm a loner as well. I've always dreamed of a family as well. While I still haven't got that family, I have been able to find love. And it happened just by being me and spending time doing something I enjoyed. I meet women naturally who also liked the same things and with whom I shared other similar traits with. We took things from there and it lead to some very wonderful experiences and memories.

And embrace those emotions. They are what will make that relationship you end up with eventually so special. All the wait and frustration will be worth it because you will enjoy things that much more, it will be that much sweeter.