Can't figure out where we stand. Is she into me is she not? What do you think [merged threads]

May 25

We met about 10 weeks ago when we both started school together. She has Ben helping me with getting through our class exams. Starting about a month or so she asked me questions like “ what do you want in a women”, “what do you find attractive about a women”, etc. I gave her honest answers. Later she wants me to go to the gym with her. She tells me she’s selective around people and doesn’t like the unwanted attention. We have be texting good nites etc with each out her ( not all the time but sometimes).
Any way we go to the guy it was good and I bought us lunch afterwards. She asked me if I liked her body and I stayed yes. We talked for another cup pile of ours and then on and off the nest few days. Then comes up last week. It was final week and we barely talked in class, texted, etc. we did go to the gym one more time this week but ran off to study afterwards. She did seem flustered when I told her I wanted to helper her like she helped me (she had received a bad exam grade the day before). This weekend I’ve tried to get her interested I’d spending time one was a movie idea she was ehh about and the other was a rain check on some hiking ( she had shown some interest but we thought the weather may have been two hot). She told me her car is in the shops getting a new pump

What do you think is going on? Is she into me? I’m in to her.

Is she blowing me off/ not interested want friendship/ slowing things down a bit or just busy?

Edited July 2 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 25

Sounds like she's interested, but maybe between studying for exams and her car being out of action it's been a busy time for her. Just ask her if she'd like to date or whether she'd prefer to just be friends. A bit of unasked for advice....be wary of a girl who's looking for compliments, (asking if you like her body), because if she's thirsty and shallow you won't be enough attention for her and you may be asking for trouble. Approach with caution.

May 27

I asked her how her weekend could have been better and weather her car was fixed. She answered “it’s good now doesn’t make noise any more. Oh it was something I had no control over”. I’ve decided to quart her slowly and see what will happen so I’m a little hesitant to push her to hard on details

I thought I she was talking about the car but do you think she’s was saying the two weren’t connected? Would it be a probate to ask casualty what she ment when I see her next?

May 29

I’m interested in starting a relationship with her, and am willing to throw my self out to help her. I’m not on of those wimpy simp guys fyi. She’s had a falling out with a friend this weekend, I finally got her to talk about it. She was nearly in tears in front of me. Now she is not satisfied with her work in class.

This morning I bought her some chocolate (witch did not take much convincing for her to take), and this evening I explained that when I feel the way she dose it’s because I’m often frustrated at my self. She should relax, walk away for a wile, and talk about the project tomorrow morning. I made sure to wish her a good night sleep and see her tomorrow.

I have a feeling she’s starting to open up emotionally in frond of me. How can I help her? How would you proceed?

May 29

Rookie error! I'm afraid you are muddying the waters between friend and boyfriend. You're well on the way to being a friend.

Time to switch it up and ask her on a date. Try something like "I really like you. Could I take you on a date?" (make sure to use the word 'date' so she knows it's not dinner with a buddy).

If she accepts, don't be talking about her personal problems on the date. This is about having fun and getting to know each other, it's not about therapy. Let her female friends be the therapists

May 29

2 hours ago, Amtguy said:

I have a feeling she’s starting to open up emotionally in frond of me. How can I help her? How would you proceed?

If you want a romantic relationship with her, helping her in such matters would only lower your chances and steer you into the dreaded “friendzone”.

You don’t want her to open up emotionally about her problems with her friends, you want her to like you as a guy.

Don’t be a shoulder to cry on, ask her out on a date and be unequivocally romantic.

May 29

Last weekend I got a rain check on some hiking we had been talking about. Perhaps I should work that angle. Should I just be up front about it?

May 29

Last week I texted her last moment about some hiking we had talked about doing. She stayed it is a nice day but wrong timing (turns out she and her friend had been arguing). This week I got her to open up about what had happened over the weekend .I want to pursue her romantically but because we are close at university I don’t want the friend zone/shoulder to cry on thing.

I might note that she invited me to the gym with her several times which I have excepted , and she has started to show me her vulnerability. Before the gym time she was asking me about what I wanted in a women, what I find attractive in a women, and so on. After the first time we went to the gym she asked me if I liked her body (ovecourse I stayed yes I did).

you think she was being polite with the no?

I should try bringing up again? Maybe giver her some more heads-up with regards to plans?

May 29

1 hour ago, Amtguy said:

Last weekend I got a rain check on some hiking we had been talking about. Perhaps I should work that angle. Should I just be up front about it?

I think I was pretty clear about being more upfront

May 29

2 hours ago, Amtguy said:

Last weekend I got a rain check on some hiking we had been talking about. Perhaps I should work that angle. Should I just be up front about it?

You could, maybe cut a flower and give it to her?

Can you add more insight about this interaction?

6 hours ago, Amtguy said:

This morning I bought her some chocolate (witch did not take much convincing for her to take),

What did she said? What did you do to convince her to take that chocolate?

May 29

You need to find a more romantic scenario with her, ask her on a date: dinner, movies, drinks, etc. be specific: I would like to take you out on a date, would you like to go with me to _______?

Pick her up at her place instead of meeting at where you are going, bring her some flowers, compliment her, see how he reacts, she may compliment you back, say thanks, or tell you she doesn't see you that way.

Going to the gym, or on a hike, are things you can do with a guy friend, think of things or activities that are considered romantic.

May 29

32 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

You could, maybe cut a flower and give it to her?

Can you add more insight about this interaction?

What did she said? What did you do to convince her to take that chocolate?

She’s very easy to talk to just like a normal person. Usually, I have to jump through hoops to get a date, none of those flirting bullshit. If I think something needs to be swayed I’ll say it as it is.

Yesterday I decided to buy her chocolate she ate a little bit on it and took the rest home. She only really spend a lot of time around me even though there’s 100 me to each woman at our school.

she did as me how I prefer how to date. I told her I usually let the woman set the rules for the first date, and I make them happen but the second date I ask her out. You learn more about the woman I think doing it that way. This was before she invited me to the gym.

in school she dresses down because she doesn’t want the attention, is uncomfortable showing of her body but at the gym she has no problem being in a sports bras in front of me.

May 29

6 minutes ago, Amtguy said:

She’s very easy to talk to just like a normal person. Usually, I have to jump through hoops to get a date, none of those flirting bullshit. If I think something needs to be swayed I’ll say it as it is.

Yesterday I decided to buy her chocolate she ate a little bit on it and took the rest home. She only really spend a lot of time around me even though there’s 100 me to each woman at our school.

she did as me how I prefer how to date. I told her I usually let the woman set the rules for the first date, and I make them happen but the second date I ask her out. You learn more about the woman I think doing it that way. This was before she invited me to the gym.

in school she dresses down because she doesn’t want the attention, is uncomfortable showing of her body but at the gym she has no problem being in a sports bras in front of me.

Do you consider going hiking with her as a date?

May 30

11 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

You need to find a more romantic scenario with her, ask her on a date: dinner, movies, drinks, etc. be specific: I would like to take you out on a date, would you like to go with me to _______?

Pick her up at her place instead of meeting at where you are going, bring her some flowers, compliment her, see how he reacts, she may compliment you back, say thanks, or tell you she doesn't see you that way.

Going to the gym, or on a hike, are things you can do with a guy friend, think of things or activities that are considered

11 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

You could, maybe cut a flower and give it to her?

Can you add more insight about this interaction?

What did she said? What did you do to convince her to take that chocolate?

11 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

You need to find a more romantic scenario with her, ask her on a date: dinner, movies, drinks, etc. be specific: I would like to take you out on a date, would you like to go with me to _______?

Pick her up at her place instead of meeting at where you are going, bring her some flowers, compliment her, see how he reacts, she may compliment you back, say thanks, or tell you she doesn't see you that way.

Going to the gym, or on a hike, are things you can do with a guy friend, think of things or activities that are considered romantic.

May 30

11 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

You need to find a more romantic scenario with her, ask her on a date: dinner, movies, drinks, etc. be specific: I would like to take you out on a date, would you like to go with me to _______?

Pick her up at her place instead of meeting at where you are going, bring her some flowers, compliment her, see how he reacts, she may compliment you back, say thanks, or tell you she doesn't see you that way.

Going to the gym, or on a hike, are things you can do with a guy friend, think of things or activities that are considered romantic.

May 30

Just now, Amtguy said:

I spoke to her today. She said she’s in no hurry to do anything with anybody really right now we both have exams in five weeks or so they could determine our careers. I’m still working with her studying after school.

Maybe the romantic thing will be great after we’re done with our exams.

May 30

1 hour ago, Amtguy said:

I spoke to her today. She said she’s in no hurry to do anything with anybody really right now we both have exams in five weeks or so they could determine our careers. I’m still working with her studying after school.

Maybe the romantic thing will be great after we’re done with our exams.

When a woman tells you that she is in no hurry to do anything with anybody right now, in 99% of the cases it stands for “I don’t like you romantically”.

Romantic things can’t be planned, put off, or delayed. They either happen or they don’t. You should move on, this girl isn’t interested.

June 1

I told her I would be interested in having a relationship with her if I ever got a chance but she stayed at this time she’s not interested in dating at this time.
I know I a friend at this time, but she seams to be a bit more comfortable and open after I told her what I thought. I don’t know if she is fishing for compliments or seeing how I act knowing I’m a bit interested in her. She is a very strong willed woman. This all came up after a three hour conversation about another friend she broke up with. Afterwards she wanted me to reach out to her so she could thank me for sticking around while confronting the other friend. I’m willing to see where thins will go.
the weird thing is that she now is more comfortable talking about personal matters, sex ,etc. and then tells me not to get my hopes up. It seems she wants me to know more about her, and hope we could get drinks one day when we are not slammed by our studding.

I think she’s fishing for something.Whats going on? I’m one of her guy friends but is this normally how you treat your friendships?

June 1

I'm afraid you are on the verge of entering the friend zone.

if you don't want to be her friend, tell her to contact you again when she is available for a date.

June 1

Nothing is going on. She told you very clearly that she isn’t interested in a relationship with you and repeatedly warned you not to get your hopes up.

Why aren’t you listening to her and still entertaining thoughts about “things going somewhere”? Why are you suspecting her of “fishing” for something? If you think she is shallow and dishonest in that way, why hope that she’ll be romantically interested in you in the first place?

In any case, you should stop being her friend. There can be no genuine friendship between two people when one of the friends is actually interested in romance.

June 1

2 hours ago, Amtguy said:

...is this normally how you treat your friendships?

Yes. She wants to be friends, not romantic. You're the one with the agenda. You get to decide whether to continue being friends or tell her she can contact you if she ever wants to date. But if she's part of your friend group, things could get pretty lonely if you opt out of that just because one of the friends won't date you.

One way to make staying in your friend group with her easier would be to find other people to date. Then you can go do that even while staying loosely attached to your friend group.

June 1

2 hours ago, Amtguy said:

I think she’s fishing for something

Shes not.

She sees you as a friend and wants to keep it that way. Now that she has told you it won't go further, she probably feels more relaxed with you. You know not to expect more so she feels more comfortable opening up or hanging out sometimes.

2 hours ago, Amtguy said:

I’m one of her guy friends but is this normally how you treat your friendships?

Yes. I'm a woman and have a couple close (entirely platonic) guy friends. This is how I interact with them, too. We chat, confide in each other sometimes, about more personal matters, hang out- I am not sure why you think this is unusual for friends.

2 hours ago, Amtguy said:

I’m willing to see where thins will go.

Please be careful with your heart here. Listen to what she has told you, and believe her. You may be waiting in vain only to watch her eventually date someone else. If you don't think you could handle that, don't get too cozy in this friendship.

June 2

9 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

Yes. She wants to be friends, not romantic. You're the one with the agenda. You get to decide whether to continue being friends or tell her she can contact you if she ever wants to date. But if she's part of your friend group, things could get pretty lonely if you opt out of that just because one of the friends won't date you.

One way to make staying in your friend group with her easier would be to find other people to date. Then you can go do that even while staying loosely attached to your friend group.

Ya I realize that now. I hate being a person with agendas they make life complicated. She had no idea that I would even consider something like this, and it was one of those things where I wanted to see how it would play out. Today I thanked her for her honesty and apologized for making an unfounded assumption. We still will have to study head with each other because our FAA exams are coming up within the next two months.

The bad side of being a loner is that for some reason I don’t seam to attract many people who spend time around me. Never really had many friends or friendships that last more then a few years in my life. The last time I had a date was over 6 years ago.

June 3

20 hours ago, Amtguy said:

The bad side of being a loner is that for some reason I don’t seam to attract many people who spend time around me. Never really had many friends or friendships that last more then a few years in my life. The last time I had a date was over 6 years ago.

It might be helpful to consider why you consider yourself to be a loner. Yes, it's true that most loners do not attract others, as they usually don't demonstrate the interest or the energy to invest in holding up their side of a friendship.

The opposite can also be true: they might invest too heavily in one person as their focus, which can be too burdensome for a more well-rounded person with other interests and commitments to uphold.

In order to have a friend we must be a friend. This includes demonstrating respect for the limits of others and adopting the resilience and agility to find different kinds and degrees of acquaintances and friends to meet different needs.

As kids we could homogenize with one or two besties, but as we grow into adulthood, we must allow for natural divergences as adult priorities often shift over time. You may find that some of the friends you knew might cycle back into your life again. Friendship is rarely a permanent fixture. It has ebbs and flows and cycles. The more easily we can expand our focus to include more than one friend, the less dependent we become, and the more likely we will find ourselves welcoming old friends who cycle back around.

June 3

I'm not interested in dating at this time means she doesn't want to date you. Sorry to be blunt, but that's what it means.

She meets someone she's turned on by and guess what, it'll be the right time to date.

Run. Get away. I have never seen the person in your situation shift the other person's position.

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Can't figure out where we stand. Is she into me is she not? What do you think [merged threads]

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