Just Visiting Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Hi there; I just had lunch with a good friend that I met through my ex-bf. Even though we are no longer together and haven't had any contact for over 2 months (we broke up in mid-September), I am still able to maintain friendships with ppl I have met through him. The one thing that baffles me is the fact that he hasn't talked about the relationship and the result of our break up to ANYONE. His friends and family felt we were well-suited for each other. Even his mother is sad about us parting ways, and she doesn't know what happened. Apparently, he never mentions me or anything along that nature to them. However, when he broke up with his son's mother, he would talk about it with everyone. We had a great relationship and everyone accepted me right away. Could it be the fact that people did not agree with his decision to end the relationship that he hasn't talked about it with them? I don't know, I just find it strange. Has anyone done this? Or any opinions? I still care for him alot and have grown from the experience both spiritually and emotionally. I have thought of reconciliation and know that alot of communication is needed first. Also, he made the decision to leave the situation and I have cut off all contact with him since. It has helped me heal and look at the situation more clearly. And I am not planning on "caving in". Thoughts? Opinions?
witabix Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 IMO he either has nothing he feels the need to talk about or... He knows that his people will quiz him and he has no answers as to why he broke it off, or doesn't feel he can tell them why he broke it off. So he avoids bringing it up, do you know why he split?
Author Just Visiting Posted January 13, 2006 Author Posted January 13, 2006 The main reason to our break up was that we were together 24/7. We got into it too fast. And as everyone knows...that is a great way to ruin a relationship. No matter how good it was. He became more and more irritable and I saw myself feeling the same way. I gave up alot of my identity to try to keep the relationship going, and it took it's toll on me. However, I was also feeling unwanted in our own home which was an awful feeling. Seeing that things weren't getting any better, I left. He wasn't ready to talk about it, repeatedly saying he needed time and space. So that's what I gave him. I guess I was hoping to get some insight on his thoughts and feelings if he talked to mutual acquaintances. And to my surprise, he avoids the subject with his friends and family. Which brought me to this question.
witabix Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Ok then, I would make a GUESS that he is also still trying to rationalise what happened also. I doubt he would have the kind of discussion ("The main reason to our break up was that we were together 24/7. We got into it too fast. And as everyone knows...that is a great way to ruin a relationship. No matter how good it was. She became more and more irritable and I saw myself feeling the same way. I gave up alot of my identity to try to keep the relationship going, and it took it's toll on me. However, I was also feeling unwanted in our own home which was an awful feeling. Seeing that things weren't getting any better, she left. I wasn't ready to talk about it, I just said I needed time and space.") The above is not a quote, I have changed it. Read it through. Was there closure, or any form of end point? I have read about the NC on here, but I get the feeling that NC is to be used after closure has happened, to ensure that it remains in place. I feel that you may need to reach some form of closure with him, and I would guess that he does also. Try to talk to him perhaps, if you feel comfortable doing that.
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