merobt Posted May 22 Posted May 22 (edited) So, I'm taking this is breakup. We're both mid 40s. About 8-9-ish months. Everything was fine. Our last conversation over the phone ended with her telling me she loves me and everything I do for her. Nothing seemed off. The next day I try to call and one ring and to voicemail. I try this over the next several days. Now mind you, I'm a bit naive and haven't dated seriously since before the advent of the modern smart phone. So I didn't know YET what was going on. I come across something on the web saying I may be blocked - try another number. So, I tried a number at work, and it rang several times and I hung up. She knew the number as I used it before. I honestly expected if I was blocked that number would be blocked, too. I wasn't hiding the number. She called back. I asked her what's up. Not confrontational given the circumstances, but your friendly "What's up?" as it still hadn't set in. "I'm fine." Those were the only two words I could get. Like at least ten times, any question. Usually preceded by a moment of silence. I did get a little more direct and asked why I couldn't get through to her, to which she responded she lost her phone and got a new one. I asked about texts, she supposedly wasn't getting those, either. Eventually I tried one last time, she said "I'll talk to you when I feel like it," to which I replied "Ok, I see you don't want to talk. Talk to you later." A little silence on her end and I hung up. At this point I think it odd, and myself can only think of one explanation - what probably some of you are thinking, too. Someone else. I'm probably overthinking. It's over, duh, for whatever reason. I'm really hesitating on blocking as I have some of her stuff, and I'd like to return when she's ready. I have been successful in not trying her again without blocking her, so I am not worried about me caving as its been almost a month. Also I think it would be immature. Or should I just do it? But what REALLY I don't understand is, why would she call back? Just to stonewall, to not talk? Edited May 22 by merobt Added info.
Acacia98 Posted May 22 Posted May 22 I have no idea why she called back. Maybe a passive-aggressive attempt at confrontation? But I don't think you should wait indefinitely for her to come and get her stuff. If you still have some way to communicate with her, ask her to come and pick her stuff up or to leave an address to which you can send her belongings, whichever is most convenient for you. Let her know that if you don't hear from her within the stated period (two weeks sounds good to me), you will donate her belongings to Goodwill. If you do not hear from her, follow through on what you stated and then proceed to block her. There's absolutely no need for you to remain in limbo forever in the name of trying to be mature. Do yourself the kindness of shutting the door so that you can move on fully and properly. I am curious: Why do you seem so calm and collected about everything that's happened and the way it happened? Are you used to dealing with people who behave this way or has she pulled a similar stunt in the past? 1
Author merobt Posted May 23 Author Posted May 23 (edited) Calm? Collected? Well, not quite, internally. I don't have much dating experience, like I said, despite my age. Last truly serious relationship was about 15 years ago, and it ended similarly, where she ghosted (blocking was not a thing then). I did NOT handle it well. I said some things to her later on when we came across each other perhaps best left unsaid. I felt like s*** afterward when I thought about how I acted. I'm trying not to go there again for my own sake, I made myself that promise. I have enough stress at work, I'd like to keep it at work. And trust me, it is NOT easy. Being that she called back last time, I am all too tempted to try again and give her a piece of my mind. I've been chatting on discord lately, while I haven't said anything there, but a whole bunch of cool people to chat with keep my mind occupied and distracted from the 24/7 rumination. So, there's something about having good friends to lean on to help keep steady, Edited May 23 by merobt 1
Author merobt Posted May 23 Author Posted May 23 13 hours ago, Acacia98 said: I am curious: Why do you seem so calm and collected about everything that's happened and the way it happened? Are you used to dealing with people who behave this way or has she pulled a similar stunt in the past? I couldn't edit my post, but let me be frank, that the last bad experience and I didn't open to anyone for 15 years, just to be 'betrayed' again. I'd really not like to be that guy again.
flitzanu Posted May 23 Posted May 23 i don't know about the being blocked thing if it is going to voicemail. i've not been blocked or called a blocked number, but i thought the point of blocking is to remove their ability to contact, which means if a person that is blocked can call and leave 50 voicemails that is counterproductive. it sounds more like if it rings once and goes to VM the phone is either off, or call being rejected. that's irrelevant though, because if she's been ignoring you for days and not communicating, and then behaved that way after calling you back, i'd personally be considering it over since she clearly isn't giving you any reasons or explanations. like, if she said "i'm mad about blah blah and need some time to think" or some more informative discussion that's a different story...but just ignoring and going silent is not how you handle adult situations
Sanch62 Posted May 23 Posted May 23 (edited) She may not have had the work number saved as part of your contact file, so she rang back to confirm it was you so she could fix her settings. If she's been sending you to VM, that's not a block, it's sending you to VM. If someone were to offer you a million dollars to guess why this woman might be mad at you, how many guesses could you offer to win that money? Could it be something that gossip from someone else may have caused? Or something you believe she could not have found out? If you could not even wager one guess, then chances are, she's being mean because she feels guilty about what SHE's been up to. Either that, or she's angry because she views you as too obtuse to recognize why she's angry. But someone who doesn't have the communication skills to explain what's bothering them is probably not the best relationship material to count on, anyway. I'm sorry you're hurting, and my heart goes out to you. Edited May 23 by Sanch62
MsJayne Posted May 23 Posted May 23 At the end of your last normal ‘phone call, where she said “I love you and everything you do for me”, how did you respond?
Author merobt Posted May 25 Author Posted May 25 On 5/23/2025 at 2:33 PM, flitzanu said: i don't know about the being blocked thing if it is going to voicemail. i've not been blocked or called a blocked number, but i thought the point of blocking is to remove their ability to contact, which means if a person that is blocked can call and leave 50 voicemails that is counterproductive. I tried it out myself, and this is how it works. I do agree, that is kind of odd, but I guess it avoids the direct contact. From what I read the block is on the phone itself, and there's no way of preventing anything other than the phone ringing. On 5/23/2025 at 4:49 PM, Sanch62 said: If you could not even wager one guess, then chances are, she's being mean because she feels guilty about what SHE's been up to. Either that, or she's angry because she views you as too obtuse to recognize why she's angry. But someone who doesn't have the communication skills to explain what's bothering them is probably not the best relationship material to count on, anyway. I can't think of one thing, but as you point out, I've come to realize the last part, that is would have probably end up a pattern. Just that I was just mulling too much over the call back part, but I guess I'll never know why. Damn weird, was hoping to learn some ideas as to what that may have been about.
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