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New girl I'm seeing has a 3-date rule before allowing a kiss


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Posted
2 hours ago, seany25 said:

Nothing between the extremes jogs my memory to be honest, and I think that's because the differential is just so wide. In any case, I have definitely never waited 4 dates for a kiss.

Most of the (almost 50) women I've been intimate with had sex with me on the first date, some of them on the second, and only one or two of them more than that. Although it should also be said that quite a few of those 50 women weren't dates and were simply one night stands.

I think I'm intrigued because so few of my previous liaisons with women have been of a similar trajectory; where I had to wait. The closest comparison was when I was 19 and I fell in love with this girl (18) who also fancied me. She made me wait for probably over a month before we had sex but even then, we did kiss on the first date... she then broke my heart by getting back with her ex.

Have you mainly been spending time on hook up sites?

Posted

Those who have rules such as this 3 date rule for kissing do this in order to protect themselves. They have probably been treated badly by someone or multiple people in the past and have put these walls up in order to keep things at a certain distance. It's a crazy world out there, one has to be careful. You don't believe me? Wait until it happens to you. But I digress ...

This woman said she has rules, so you either will follow them or you won't. But you must also observe others' behaviors if and when they are with you. When I am on OLDs, I know where this will go in the last few minutes we are together. If he doesn't walk me to my car, doesn't hug or shake hands, or even just stand up and walk away from me (and yes, that has happened, I am not kidding you) without saying good-bye, then he's not interested and doesn't care. If you haven't heard from him within 48 hours after the first get together, you'll never hear from him again. He might call / text a week or two later, you might have a second get together with him, but that's as far as it will go. 

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Posted
11 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Have you mainly been spending time on hook up sites?

Almost all women I've been with in probably the last 15 years have come from online. Not hook-up sites exactly, although that may be what you consider dating apps. It's been from a range of about 5 apps, although now I would only use Bumble and Facebook dating, since having 5+ dating profiles is such a pain and takes up a lot of time. There were also numerous one-night stands from bars and clubs, but most women in my life have come from and do come from online. I don't mind this. It's convenient.

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Posted
1 hour ago, ThorLyonsSalem said:

Those who have rules such as this 3 date rule for kissing do this in order to protect themselves. They have probably been treated badly by someone or multiple people in the past and have put these walls up in order to keep things at a certain distance. It's a crazy world out there, one has to be careful. You don't believe me? Wait until it happens to you. But I digress ...

This woman said she has rules, so you either will follow them or you won't. But you must also observe others' behaviors if and when they are with you. When I am on OLDs, I know where this will go in the last few minutes we are together. If he doesn't walk me to my car, doesn't hug or shake hands, or even just stand up and walk away from me (and yes, that has happened, I am not kidding you) without saying good-bye, then he's not interested and doesn't care. If you haven't heard from him within 48 hours after the first get together, you'll never hear from him again. He might call / text a week or two later, you might have a second get together with him, but that's as far as it will go. 

Thanku, yep, I have respected her rule and plan to respect her rules. It's pretty much a cert that this is for protective and/or moral reasons. I appreciate this. It's a welcome experience after most of the previous women I've ever been with were more sexually liberal when we first met, to put it nicely; although there is zero judgement from me.

Whilst she wouldn't kiss, we did get about as close as we could have in other ways. I held her hand when we walked. We embraced for prolonged cuddles. I kissed her cheeks and neck... and in response to your suggestion of potential outcome in the last few minutes, I embraced her again before we left each other, after walking her to her car.

In that sense, things seem to be going just about as well as they can at this point in time.

I would never shake hands with a date tho; a man needs to be a man and treat a lady like a lady. That generally involves at least a warm embrace when I meet a new woman (a hug) and that can be with or without a kiss on one or two cheeks. Almost always with the kiss tho.

Posted
50 minutes ago, seany25 said:

Almost all women I've been with in probably the last 15 years have come from online. Not hook-up sites exactly, although that may be what you consider dating apps. It's been from a range of about 5 apps, although now I would only use Bumble and Facebook dating, since having 5+ dating profiles is such a pain and takes up a lot of time. There were also numerous one-night stands from bars and clubs, but most women in my life have come from and do come from online. I don't mind this. It's convenient.

It's very possible you are exaggerating your exploits a bit here but when you say women would start having sex with you within minutes that's generally not going to happen unless it was a pre-arranged sexual encounter. Which happens a lot online as people use the online sphere to act in ways that they may not want to act around people who are part of their every day life.

In anycase you do sound relatively inexperienced when it comes to more traditional dating and if you have been focusing on a lot of scenarios that will bring you quick sexual gratification that would explain why.

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Posted
6 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

It's very possible you are exaggerating your exploits a bit here but when you say women would start having sex with you within minutes that's generally not going to happen unless it was a pre-arranged sexual encounter. Which happens a lot online as people use the online sphere to act in ways that they may not want to act around people who are part of their every day life.

In anycase you do sound relatively inexperienced when it comes to more traditional dating and if you have been focusing on a lot of scenarios that will bring you quick sexual gratification that would explain why.

There are no exaggerations, and to provide more info on the girl with whom I was having sex within minutes of her entering my home, we had been chatting and face-timing for at least 2 months beforehand. We had gotten to know each other very well in that time and sexual conversation had come up many times. I even "get her off" one time by what I was telling her via text; which I did on purpose, I knew she'd have to go and sort herself out after. She was not a total stranger. Sex was the next logical step even tho we had not yet met in person, and there was no better way to tick that box than by doing it in a fantasy style.

With the others that I had sex with very quickly, or on the same day/night of the first date, we had anything from a few days to a week of texting beforehand.

Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, seany25 said:

There are no exaggerations, and to provide more info on the girl with whom I was having sex within minutes of her entering my home, we had been chatting and face-timing for at least 2 months beforehand. We had gotten to know each other very well in that time and sexual conversation had come up many times. I even "get her off" one time by what I was telling her via text; which I did on purpose, I knew she'd have to go and sort herself out after. She was not a total stranger. Sex was the next logical step even tho we had not yet met in person, and there was no better way to tick that box than by doing it in a fantasy style.

With the others that I had sex with very quickly, or on the same day/night of the first date, we had anything from a few days to a week of texting beforehand.

As I said many of them were pre-arranged sexual encounters where both people went in knowing that sex was highly possible that night if you both liked each other. What you explained isn't uncommon at all for online communications. Infact most people who have met a lot of people from online have likely experienced those encounters. 

One thing you need to be concerned about though as a 40 something year old is that many women looking for more traditional dating situations aren't usually going to be all that impressed with a middle aged man who has the experience of someone twenty years younger. Many of these twenty something year old ladies going on dates with older men want to find a confident older man who knows what he is doing. Not someone who mainly just talks about kissing her. If she wanted that she'd likely be getting together with a guy around her own age.

Edited by Sony12
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Posted
3 hours ago, Sony12 said:

As I said many of them were pre-arranged sexual encounters where both people went in knowing that sex was highly possible that night if you both liked each other. What you explained isn't uncommon at all for online communications. Infact most people who have met a lot of people from online have likely experienced those encounters. 

One thing you need to be concerned about though as a 40 something year old is that many women looking for more traditional dating situations aren't usually going to be all that impressed with a middle aged man who has the experience of someone twenty years younger. Many of these twenty something year old ladies going on dates with older men want to find a confident older man who knows what he is doing. Not someone who mainly just talks about kissing her. If she wanted that she'd likely be getting together with a guy around her own age.

You've got it wrong. Kissing isn't the only thing we talk about.

I'm experienced in just about every way one could expect to be experienced at 40. In life, sexually, highs, lows, academically, in career, knowledge, wisdom, etc. I believe she's aware there is substance to me as she knows of my goals and ambitions, and has teased me about them, but I'm sure she is at least a bit impressed and intrigued about what she knows about me so far... with the overall goal being that I want to be a millionaire and retire by the time I'm 50.

Sure, I don't have the experience of a proper long-term relationship of several years, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be capable of that with the right woman. I would, no problem.

Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, seany25 said:

You've got it wrong. Kissing isn't the only thing we talk about.

I'm experienced in just about every way one could expect to be experienced at 40. In life, sexually, highs, lows, academically, in career, knowledge, wisdom, etc. I believe she's aware there is substance to me as she knows of my goals and ambitions, and has teased me about them, but I'm sure she is at least a bit impressed and intrigued about what she knows about me so far... with the overall goal being that I want to be a millionaire and retire by the time I'm 50.

Sure, I don't have the experience of a proper long-term relationship of several years, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be capable of that with the right woman. I would, no problem.

Well that's fine if true but all we can go off of is what you say here and kissing and sexual experiences is pretty much all you have talked about within this thread. You really haven't even said much about her other than the fact that she is petite, has a rule about not kissing until the fourth date, and had a long term boyfriend at some point (though how long ago you really don't know).

 

Edited by Sony12
Posted (edited)

Hi Seany25. She's a strange one indeed [ ] 

 

Any updates for us? Did you get past the 4th date and score?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility
Posted
On 5/29/2025 at 1:09 PM, dancehead said:

Hi Seany25. She's a strange one indeed [ ] 

 

Any updates for us? Did you get past the 4th date and score?

The OP hasn't even logged on for about a week now. We'll see if he comes back or not. It isn't uncommon for topic creators to disappear though. Often times they just wanted to get something off their chest or things didn't turn out the way they were hoping.

Posted

There's nothing wrong with this if that's what she wants to do.

I do think it was a mistake to keep nudging her about it when she said no.

There is a possibility that she just doesn't feel romantic chemistry and that's why she's deferring it.  But if you like her and want to keep seeing her, you can see how you both feel on date 4.

 

Posted

If I had a girl say to me that there is no kiss until the 3rd date I'd say to her, I'm good with that, now turn around and bend over. <wink>

Posted
1 hour ago, Carlston said:

If I had a girl say to me that there is no kiss until the 3rd date I'd say to her, I'm good with that, now turn around and bend over. <wink>

Lol

Posted

Well I wonder what happened with this situation. The OP hasn't even logged on since his last post almost three weeks ago. He said they were going to have another date the next weekend.

 

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Posted
10 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Well I wonder what happened with this situation. The OP hasn't even logged on since his last post almost three weeks ago. He said they were going to have another date the next weekend.

 

Possibly means he got what he wanted in the end, he'd be more likely to be on here asking about it if he hadn't.

For me the bigger question having read OPs other threads is whether focusing exclusively on sexual conquests into middle age is really a good idea in the long run.

I guess it is if you're still good-looking and charming enough... until it isn't.

Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, FredEire said:

Possibly means he got what he wanted in the end, he'd be more likely to be on here asking about it if he hadn't.

For me the bigger question having read OPs other threads is whether focusing exclusively on sexual conquests into middle age is really a good idea in the long run.

I guess it is if you're still good-looking and charming enough... until it isn't.

Who knows. Also could be that if he got what he wanted he would want to come back and brag about it a little. He did have a posting history of talking about his sexual endeavors a bit. Only he knows. I personally though feel that if there isn't much kissing by the third date it often means there isn't much physical chemistry by either one or both of them.

As far as focusing on sexual conquests into middle age it really just depends on how important developing serious relationships are to you. Some people enjoy their freedom independence to do whatever they want and are completely satisfied being single while having an occasional rendezvous. For a lot of those people a dog is a more appealing companion than gf or bf is.

 

Edited by Sony12
Posted
9 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Who knows. Also could be that if he got what he wanted he would want to come back and brag about it a little. He did have a posting history of talking about his sexual endeavors a bit. Only he knows. I personally though feel that if there isn't much kissing by the third date it often means there isn't much physical chemistry by either one or both of them.

As far as focusing on sexual conquests into middle age it really just depends on how important developing serious relationships are to you. Some people enjoy their freedom independence to do whatever they want and are completely satisfied being single while having an occasional rendezvous. For a lot of those people a dog is a more appealing companion than gf or bf is.

 

Fair enough, I guess if one is really satisfied with their own company and following their interests in their later years that's fair enough.

I find though that often for full-time womanisers it's an exercise in ego-stroking, I have a friend for example I wouldn't have from for months and then he'd randomly ring me up to tell me he just had a threesome lol.

I just realised in my late 20s that if that's your aim in dating you're going to find it tough when your looks decline and you're no longer an eligible bachelor hanging around with girls in their 20s and 30s. Sure you can lay some girl at a party and feel awesome for a few days, but 10 years down the line it's not going to mean much, she probably won't even remember you exist. And the guys in the bar you're telling you laid 500 women back in your glory days probably aren't going to give much of a s*** either.

Posted
9 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Who knows. Also could be that if he got what he wanted he would want to come back and brag about it a little. He did have a posting history of talking about his sexual endeavors a bit. Only he knows. I personally though feel that if there isn't much kissing by the third date it often means there isn't much physical chemistry by either one or both of them.

As far as focusing on sexual conquests into middle age it really just depends on how important developing serious relationships are to you. Some people enjoy their freedom independence to do whatever they want and are completely satisfied being single while having an occasional rendezvous. For a lot of those people a dog is a more appealing companion than gf or bf is.

 

Ah yes the good old brag posts. I remember one particular thread here where someone said something along the lines of "you all said this woman was using me for a visa but she's told me she really loves me and we're getting married in two months, you can all suck it!"

Sure buddy, sounds like you really showed us, good luck with that one haha.

Posted (edited)
36 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Ah yes the good old brag posts. I remember one particular thread here where someone said something along the lines of "you all said this woman was using me for a visa but she's told me she really loves me and we're getting married in two months, you can all suck it!"

Sure buddy, sounds like you really showed us, good luck with that one haha.

Lol you know the vast majority of dudes I know in real life who get married to women trying to get a Visa usually aren't guys that get much attention from local women. Those women looking to become citizens know what type of guys to go after.

Edited by Sony12
Posted
54 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Lol you know the vast majority of dudes I know in real life who get married to women trying to get a Visa usually aren't guys that get much attention from local women. Those women looking to become citizens know what type of guys to go after.

Yep. Unfortunately the ego boost will override any common sense until it's too late.

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