Realisation after separation/ financial deciet

[Jebh]

Huge exhausting story but here goes. I separated from my husband of 23 years in march. We have 4 kids together. It came after huge financial troubles with his business came to light and he has been borrowing money and not paying our rent and general bills for the house. Letters addressed to me being hid and all of this stuff I found out from third parties, he had gone to various members of my family for money. I had felt something wasn't right for probably two years, an instinct but I put it down to me being stressed or my mental health having declined or I was paranoid. He let me believe this. 
I have cleared the majority of the debt and the kids seem ok at the moment but my reflection on 23 years and what was real what was not and the rumination is shocking. 
This is repetitive behaviour in so much as deceiving goes. He spent 2.5 years in prison for stealing to find a gambling addiction. I stayed by him, and glad I did in the most part despite the trust never fully coming back. He worked hard to get back on his feet. And things were ok but now all this happened I can't do it all again.

Im not really sure how to move on, people talk about finding yourself, or taking each day as it comes but I feel so stuck. He also doesn't leave me alone which is so very hard when you are trying to calm yourself down.

i guess I'm looking for any advice or suggestions.

[tzorno]

I'm so sorry for you.  I can only speak for myself, but if a relationship doesn't have trust, it has nothing.  Honestly, he probably kept things from you for a bunch of reasons including trying to shade you from the issues, fear of your response, embarrassement, etc,,,but that doesn't make anything better.  He should have been open.  You two are suppossed to be a team and work on things together.  

I would sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, unless your done of course..  His responses will give you the answers your looking for.  

Edited May 23 by tzorno

[Sanch62]

I would consult an attorney to learn all your options, along with the steps you'd need to take for each option. From there you can operate based on real information rather than emotions alone. This will allow you to make clear, informed decisions.

An attorney can advise whether filing for legal separation can protect you form any further debt your husband incurs, whether a restraining order is possible given that he won't leave you alone, ways that child visitation and communication can be handled without direct contact between the two of you. Bring your list of questions and get the answers you need. If you cannot afford an attorney, contact legal aid.