I had a beautiful summer romance, and now I'm heartbroken and lost

[Yoshamaat]

Hey Reddit,
I'm a 26-year-old Venezuelan guy living in Spain, and I’m honestly just heartbroken right now. I don’t really know what I’m looking for—maybe advice, maybe just someone to listen. I recently went through a short but intense summer romance, and it’s left me completely shattered.

She was a 21-year-old German girl on vacation here. We met while I was working as a waiter—she literally asked for my number, and the next day we went out. She was kind, honest, funny, smart... and I felt a connection I hadn't felt in years. We kept going out over the next several days, and it just felt right.

On her last day before going back to Germany to start dental school (which is her dream), we exchanged gifts. She gave me one of her favorite necklaces, and I gave her one of my favorite rings. It felt meaningful and deep, even if it was all so sudden.

I genuinely thought we could try to make things work, even with the distance. But shortly after she left, she told me—very sweetly and respectfully—that she didn’t want to stay in contact. Not because she didn’t care, but because she didn’t want to add stress or uncertainty to her life. She said our religious differences (she’s Mormon, I’m agnostic) played a role, but also admitted she couldn’t promise anything for the next 5+ years of her life. She might meet someone else, and so could I.

I tried to fight for it. I told her how happy she made me, how real this all felt. But she said she wasn’t in a place where she could commit to something so uncertain. She even mentioned that by the time she’s done with her studies, she might already be engaged.

Her final message broke me. She said it tore her apart to leave me sitting at that table, that if I’m ever in Germany I should let her know. She said the future is unpredictable, but for now she had to let go. She wished me the best. And that was it.

I haven’t messaged her. I won’t. I want to respect her boundaries, her beliefs, her life. But the truth is... I miss her. I miss her more than I thought possible for something that lasted only days. She’s amazing. And I know it’s over—but it hurts so bad.

I don’t want to hold on to some fantasy of “maybe one day we’ll meet again.” That would only make things worse if it never happens. She deserves to live her life, chase her dreams, and be happy. And I’m trying to do the same—I want to study and become a writer. But damn... this pain is real.

I want to message her a thousand times. I want to fly to Germany and ask her to just try. But I won’t. I don’t want to ruin what little we had by becoming someone she’d rather forget.

So… I’m here.
Feeling lost.
What do I do?
What should I believe?
Was any of it real? Should I keep clinging to hope?
Does it ever stop hurting?

Any advice, words, or just kindness would really help. I’m not doing great right now.

Thanks for reading.

[ExpatInItaly]

49 minutes ago, Yoshamaat said:

I recently went through a short but intense summer romance

When? Summer hasn't started yet. 

Anyway, it sounds as though she is being realistic that a long-distance thing won't work for her. 

52 minutes ago, Yoshamaat said:

Was any of it real?

The fun memories and time you spent together were real. However, you seem to have attached too much emotional significance to it. You had a nice time together but try to keep perspective. This wasn't about deep feelings, simply because you hardly know each other. 

55 minutes ago, Yoshamaat said:

She’s amazing

I don't doubt she has some lovely qualities. But again, don't forget that you don't really know her. Anyone can seem amazing when we haven't spent much time together. You don't know what she is like in her daily life, how well you two would actually mesh and so on. Try to keep that in mind when you feel the pangs. She might be great, or she might not even be single. 

You will feel better soon. 

 

 

[Sanch62]

One thing that can block people from recovering after an emotional disappointment is a commitment to misery. It's a belief that holding onto misery somehow keeps them connected to the person. It does not, it keeps them miserable.

You may find it helpful to make a decision every day about what kind of day you intend to have. If you believe that you 'must' use dramatic terms like 'gutted' or 'devastated,' you are committing to holding onto misery rather than releasing it to heal and start enjoying your life again.

It's a decision. Choose wisely.

[ShyViolet]

4 hours ago, Yoshamaat said:

I miss her more than I thought possible for something that lasted only days.

You only spent a matter of DAYS with this girl.  You need to realize that you are infatuated with an idealized fantasy of her, because that's all you had time to get to know.  You never got to know this girl on a deep level and you don't really know her.  

Not every person we cross paths with in life becomes a long-term relationship.  We have short-term flings, short relationships, and that isn't a bad thing.  Be happy that you had this wonderful, intense experience and that you'll always be able to look back on those memories.  She did not want to continue it as a long distance relationship and there's nothing else to say about that.  It's now a memory.  Accept that and don't torture yourself over it.

[Foxhall]

If you were both a bit older I would say to go after her- 

maybe the thoughts of a full on relationship are a bit much however for the two of you just yet,

Just keep going on a solo path for now, give her space

and trust me believe it or not, if you two really are meant to be together you will meet again.