buzz_lightbeer Posted May 19 Posted May 19 my girlfriend and I have been together since highschool, however the last year and a half have been strained. we havent had sex in 8 months at least, and we've been growing apart. I try to stay present in the relationship but she is always working or on her phone texting someone. around the time the issues started she got a new job, and I highly suspect her boss is who shes talking to, both because hes the only male at that office and because he seemed to take an inappropriate interest in her. they've gone on several business trips together and she works on average 50-60 hours a week. i asked her about it but she became really offended because i already know she "doesnt like black guys" (her boss is black). i did know that but everything points toward that being the case, and i have a gut feeling about this. what should i do? i dont want to spend a bunch of money on a private detective, should i just follow her? i dont WANT to catch her, but feel like everyones laughing at me. 1
basil67 Posted May 19 Posted May 19 I can't see anything here to suggest that she's definitely cheating. You mentioned her boss taking an inappropriate interest in her - what does he do to make you say this? Have you considered that she might be tired from long work hours. She maybe addicted to her phone. She may be falling out of love with you. It could be all of these things. What things are you doing to be a good partner? For example, do you do equal share of domestic work? Do you ever cook a fancy meal and sit down with a glass of wine on a Saturday night? Or go out on a date? How's your hygiene? Do you cuddle her for no reason?
Gebidozo Posted May 19 Posted May 19 (edited) My goodness. You and your girlfriend have been growing apart for a year and a half, you haven’t had sex in 8 months at least (!), and all you’re worried about is whether you should spend money on a private detective to spy on her because you suspect her of infidelity and whether people are laughing at you?.. Your relationship is in shambles, there is zero trust and intimacy left. Have you even discussed with her what’s been causing that? Has either of you done anything to fix it? You’ll probably need to let your girlfriend go. And please don’t humiliate yourself by spying on her, this is dishonorable and self-destructive. Edited May 19 by Gebidozo
Sanch62 Posted May 19 Posted May 19 How would catching her cheating improve your relationship? This already sounds like a shipwreck, so why not focus on moving yourself forward to find a better partner instead? If you need a more concrete reason to exit, offer her an option to pursue counseling together to learn whether you can fix the relationship. If she won't do it, then there's your reason to move on.
smackie9 Posted May 20 Posted May 20 (edited) On 5/18/2025 at 6:42 PM, buzz_lightbeer said: my girlfriend and I have been together since highschool, however the last year and a half have been strained. we havent had sex in 8 months at least, and we've been growing apart. I try to stay present in the relationship but she is always working or on her phone texting someone. around the time the issues started she got a new job, and I highly suspect her boss is who shes talking to, both because hes the only male at that office and because he seemed to take an inappropriate interest in her. they've gone on several business trips together and she works on average 50-60 hours a week. i asked her about it but she became really offended because i already know she "doesnt like black guys" (her boss is black). i did know that but everything points toward that being the case, and i have a gut feeling about this. what should i do? i dont want to spend a bunch of money on a private detective, should i just follow her? i dont WANT to catch her, but feel like everyones laughing at me. Dude you are no longer in a relationship...it's been over for some time. Whether she's cheating or not, that really doesn't matter at this point. I highly recommend you have an honest conversation and ask her if it's worth it staying together. Edited May 20 by smackie9
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