Ghosted with No Answers, Struggling

[enchantedjewel0]

I've been seeing MM for close peaking 3 years now. Things started getting shaky around Feb when MM abruptly told me we needed a break and for him to "figure things out". I avoided talking to him further for weeks on end, basically used my job as an escape from my mind constantly thinking about him. I reached back out in April and he responded to me normally like nothing ever happened. I asked him again if the break in February was something he planned out and MM said yes as he "just need to figure things out". MM told me then too that he still cared about his wife but he didn't love her and that they have been constantly "arguing" . MM wife cheated on him in '15 and he had an affair '19 prior to meeting me in end '23. MM never elaborated on whether he wanted to end his marriage or give us a try and every time I wanted him to further breakdown on what he meant, he never gave me an answer. 

Fast forward a few weeks later, his dad gets sick and ends up in the hospital. We had met 3 years ago, same time around his mother passed away in the hospital. Due to him being MIA and not texting me at all for days, I crashed out on him through texts and that was when I found out his dad was in the hospital.  MM messaged me saying "Stop with the multiple texting. Nonstop. Your not doing this again same way u did when my mom was in the hospital. Just stop." But keep in mind, I didn't even know what was going on?! I leave him alone for a few weeks and later find out on social media that he went to a city fundraiser event with his wife. I feel like ive been left in shambles. I told myself give it 2 weeks and go see him in person because he wasn't answering my calls or texts. 

I show up at his other place that he has in the city, when he is away for work and his W. He opens the door and tells me "stop following me, I'm done". And I start balling my eyes out to him saying what do u mean your done why?! I didn't do anything wrong and I was loyal to you. All MM told me was to please leave because he had to get ready for work. He didnt want to give me my bracelet back that he keeps in his work bag. Nothing. I drove off and I have messaged him everyday since then and he hasn't even responded. He turned his read receipts off a couple days ago. Is this truly over?! If he hated me, why doesn't he just block my number since I've poured my heart out to over text and in person. He has left before abruptly in the past, but never turned read receipts off or anything. MM and I only seen each other 3 times out of this entire year and MM has caused such a different switch between us. 

I feel abandoned. I don't understand if he had planned to choose his wife over me, why not block my number? He has done so in the past abruptly without anything going on between us so If he told me he is done why hasn't he? Yes, I do want him to come back. I admit I fell in love with him. I refuse to believe his feelings he told me were lies. He told me in the past that he wanted something with me if there was a chance down the road. But something tells me he is really done and I didn't do anything to hurt him  I admit I looked and sounded desperate to MM but how is he just ignoring me like this after 3 years?!! Is he coming back?!!

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

MM and I only seen each other 3 times out of this entire year

 

4 minutes ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

I feel abandoned.

You've only seen him 3 times and now you feel abandoned? I think he is tired of you and is in an affair with a new woman and that is why he wants to end it.  Quit chasing him and thank God he's not around anymore.  Find yourself a single man and some self esteem.  A MM can never make you happy.

[enchantedjewel0]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

 

You've only seen him 3 times and now you feel abandoned? I think he is tired of you and is in an affair with a new woman and that is why he wants to end it.  Quit chasing him and thank God he's not around anymore.  Find yourself a single man and some self esteem.  A MM can never make you happy.

Yeah, this year 3 times only. Last year we saw each other like 2-3 times a week. His anniversary is soon and last year around this time he had made a random argument and ghosted me out the no where. I'm just hung up on was I the problem? I know I messed up and told him I loved him many months prior. 

[stillafool]

16 minutes ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

I'm just hung up on was I the problem? I know I messed up and told him I loved him many months prior. 

No he is the problem and his cheating.  He doesn't care about you and you need to face the facts so you can move on from this and heal.  What's done is in the past.  Move on to your future but it is not with him.

[Patrice]

Get out, MM don't leave - they will string you along.  You deserve way better than this. In the end, would you advise your better self to accept this?  Find out why you are accepting being treated like this.  That is your journey, not him 

 

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

Is he coming back?!!

My goodness, for your sake I really hope not.

I’m sorry, but this is so unhealthy. It never fails to amaze me how people can chose an unavailable person who is inconsistent and non-committal and expect that something healthy and positive will grow from the association…

This is not the relationship for you. The texting is way too much but it doesn’t matter because he is married to another woman and he does not want to be with you. Please don’t waste more of your life trying to convince the man that he should want to be with you.

Edited May 19 by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

MM never elaborated on whether he wanted to end his marriage or give us a try and every time I wanted him to further breakdown on what he meant, he never gave me an answer. 

This is the answer he gave you.

His answer is no. No, he won’t end his marriage and be with you. If he wanted to do that, he would have already done that long time ago.

Please get out of this toxic connection and break off all contact with him immediately.

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

He has done so in the past abruptly without anything going on between us so If he told me he is done why hasn't he blocked my number? 

You took him back after he stopped communicating and ignore you before? 

Where is your self respect? When a man disrespects you - you walk away, forever.
 

7 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

But something tells me he is really done and I didn't do anything to hurt him 

You don’t have to hurt the man for him to decide to end the relationship. Most affairs have expiry dates - and many end suddenly with no explanation. There is nothing particularly unusual here…
 

7 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

MM never elaborated on whether he wanted to end his marriage or give us a try and every time I wanted him to further breakdown on what he meant, he never gave me an answer. 

I agree that his lack of response is his response. 



 

Edited May 19 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

He didn't ghost you. 

He has told you very plainly to stop and leave him alone. You're not listening. 

8 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

But something tells me he is really done and I didn't do anything to hurt him 

This doesn't make much sense. He isn't your boyfriend. He is someone else's husband. You don't need to have hurt him for him to want to put a stop to all of this. You're thinking about this as though it's a typical relationship but it isn't. He doesn't care that way. 

8 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

I refuse to believe his feelings he told me were lies.

Maybe he had feelings at one point, but it's quite clear that this is no longer the case. You need to leave him alone now, for your own good. You're stuck on someone who is never going to be with person you want him to be and never going to offer you the relaitonship you want. 

Yes, it's really over. 

[basil67]

I daresay he was happy to keep you around as a convenience.  A bit of sex on the side.   But when you went rogue with the non stop texting and turning up unannounced, he realised that you were more of a liability than an asset, and removed you from his life.  

Also, the answers are all in your first post - it's just that you're refusing to recognise them for what they are

Edited May 19 by basil67

[Will am I]

I understand you may still be very much in love with him at this point, so the things I write may not do down well. I apologize in advance is this is upsetting you, although I believe it would be for the better.

 

12 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

I've been seeing MM for close peaking 3 years now. Things started getting shaky around Feb when MM abruptly told me we needed a break and for him to "figure things out". [...]

MM never elaborated on whether he wanted to end his marriage or give us a try and every time I wanted him to further breakdown on what he meant, he never gave me an answer. 

This is not how you should be treated.

This is not how a man should treat a woman.

This is not how a person should treat a loved one.

 

In fact I consider this kind of "hot and cold behavior" as a form of emotional abuse. I say that because this kind of behavior is super common in abusive relationhips. It tends to make the partner insecure and compliant, constantly wondering how the other partner is feeling right now, constantly doubting whether they did anything wrong, wondering what they could do to make things right. 

Without knowing your AP I have a gut feeling that this guy's bad news. Possibly a narcissist.

 

12 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

MM and I only seen each other 3 times out of this entire year and MM has caused such a different switch between us. 

I feel abandoned.

Looking from a distance I find these statements out of balance. You're obviously devastated even though your contact moments were rare and far apart. There's probably 10 or 20 people in your life with whom you have spent more time this year.

The imbalance is that the intensity of your emotions is much bigger than would be fitting for the intimacy of the relationship. 

Ask yourself an honest question: do you genuinely love this man or are you under his spell?

 

12 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

I don't understand if he had planned to choose his wife over me, why not block my number? He has done so in the past abruptly without anything going on between us so If he told me he is done why hasn't he? Yes, I do want him to come back. I admit I fell in love with him. I refuse to believe his feelings he told me were lies. He told me in the past that he wanted something with me if there was a chance down the road. But something tells me he is really done and I didn't do anything to hurt him  I admit I looked and sounded desperate to MM but how is he just ignoring me like this after 3 years?!!

Don't go down that path of trying to understand and explain his behavior. Like I wrote about "hot and cold". He is leaving you with only vague clues about his inner feelings (and completely hiding any reasons why he would have those feelings). He's luring you into trying to figure him out. It's part of the spell and you're much better off breaking that spell.

 

12 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

Is he coming back?!!

There will be a moment when you will no longer wonder if he's coming back. Because it wasn't him that ended the affair. It was you when you figured out how poorly he treated you.

 

 

[Sanch62]

On 5/18/2025 at 4:38 PM, enchantedjewel0 said:

He opens the door and tells me "stop following me, I'm done".

 

On 5/18/2025 at 4:38 PM, enchantedjewel0 said:

I don't understand if he had planned to choose his wife over me, why not block my number? He has done so in the past abruptly without anything going on between us so If he told me he is done why hasn't he?

Because he's had to tell you to stop following him, so if he blocks you, he won't have a record of any future attempts to contact him, which he can use to get a restraining order or initiate stalking charges against you.

I'm sorry you've spent 3 years on this man, but this is your opportunity to liberate yourself. Focus on healing and invest yourself in finding someone who can love you freely and offer you the kind of future you may envision for yourself. The MM was not him.

[enchantedjewel0]

to update everyone: MM showed up at my apartment after his work shift ended. We both work odd overnight hours. He told me that he was ending things with me because he cant tolerate me "cussing him out" when his both his parents were sick in the hospital. There is no way.... I feel like there is another reason for this madness. He told me that my constant messages to him he read, but wanted me to stop. I only acted out that way because he ignored me. He said no to a second chance without my "arguing". He ended kissing me before leaving and I asked why are you doing this. And he never responded, just left and he never responded to my last text. Well, if that was the case for him dumping me, I stopped begging for him to change his mind. 

Edited May 20 by enchantedjewel0

[enchantedjewel0]

On 5/18/2025 at 8:19 PM, Patrice said:

Get out, MM don't leave - they will string you along.  You deserve way better than this. In the end, would you advise your better self to accept this?  Find out why you are accepting being treated like this.  That is your journey, not him 

 

I'm still so shocked over this. I have gone MIA and muted his number. He never responded to my heartfelt message to what these 3 years have been to me. Idk from him stopping by to tell me in person he was done, I asked for a second chance he said no,  but kissed me on the cheek?? I just got the vibe he made his decision. 

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

He told me that he was ending things with me because he cant tolerate me "cussing him out" when his both his parents were sick in the hospital. There is no way.... 

What's your version of what happened while his parents were in hospital?   

Were you mad about him having to prioritise his wife and family over you?  If so, I can totally see this as being a dealbreaker to an affair

Edited May 20 by basil67

[enchantedjewel0]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What's your version of what happened while his parents were in hospital?   

Were you mad about him having to prioritise his wife and family over you?  If so, I can totally see this as being a dealbreaker to an affair

No, quite the opposite actually! I was more concerned about what was happening to his parents, if they were doing okay.  And he would message with updates and was all normal talking with me. The only thing I recall was me asking him why is ur wife making you do yardwork when your dad is dying in the hospital? Then out of nowhere, he went MIA and started ignoring me. Apparently to him, that was "disrespectful of me". 

[BaileyB]

7 minutes ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

Apparently to him, that was "disrespectful of me.”

It’s not a very nice thing to say. I can see how that would not be well received - unless the two of you regularly engaged in bashing his wife when you were together and this was your norm.
 

17 minutes ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

I just got the vibe he had made his decision.

That seems to be the case, yes.
 

21 minutes ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

I feel like there is another reason for this madness.

It does sound like madness, yes. This is a whole lot of drama and he has obviously decided that it is not worth it anymore. 

[BaileyB]

Men tend to dump their affair partners when they get too demanding or they begin to perceive that they may become a threat to the stability of their primary relationship/marriage. If he perceives you as blowing up his phone when he does not want/have time to talk with you and disrespecting his wife, that’s his cue to end the relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

The "why" is not important anymore, OP. 

What's important is that this craziness ends - for good. This a complete dead-end for you and he is not going to leave his wife to be with you. You're spinning in circles over a man who can'tbe bothered. 

I am wondering why this man seemed like a suitable option to you. Had you been lonely before you met him? 

[Will am I]

13 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

He told me that he was ending things with me because he cant tolerate me "cussing him out"

So you're being portrayed as the abusive one.

The message is clear: "your're evil and you should be thankful for every crumb of attention I choose to feed you".

Please don't allow anyone to treat you like that.

[Sanch62]

19 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

The only thing I recall was me asking him why is ur wife making you do yardwork when your dad is dying in the hospital? Then out of nowhere, he went MIA and started ignoring me. Apparently to him, that was "disrespectful of me". 

Yes, it was disrespectful to both his wife and to him. I've recently had both parents in the hospital back-to-back. That was stressful enough. Trying to include some of my own day-to-day stuff was often unmanageable. For anyone to raise a snide question about what I'm doing at any given moment, much less to imply that I'm being controlled by anyone else, would have been unthinkably rude and possibly unforgivable.

[BaileyB]

I would say that it’s time to take a step back OP and hopefully that will allow you to reassess the situation from a different perspective. What you’ve described here is not particularly flattering. I can’t imagine that this relationship is bringing you any lasting happiness. Hopefully you can learn from this and course correct to find more of what you truly want in your life…

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, enchantedjewel0 said:

The only thing I recall was me asking him why is ur wife making you do yardwork when your dad is dying in the hospital? Then out of nowhere, he went MIA and started ignoring me. Apparently to him, that was "disrespectful of me". 

He's right. 

He is certainly one to talk about being disrespectful to others, but your comment was  rude and unecessary. What sort of response did you think you would get from taking a swipe at his wife?