Bob Howard Posted May 15 Posted May 15 (edited) Apologies in advance for this being long. Trying to provide as much context as possible. So I met a girl on Tinder a couple of months ago. We were not official but neither of us were seeing anyone else. I thought everything was going great up until now. She just sent a text out of nowhere saying she can't prioritize dating right now due to medical reasons. Before things ended she had been to the hospital multiple times, has had to use pain meds and is going to have surgery. Plus she had additional scans that could be for something completely different. All very valid reasons for her health but there is some other stuff that confuses me though. After we scheduled our last date, she went almost two weeks without responding to me to the point I thought it was going to be cancelled. She eventually got back to me saying she had to go to the hospital again, so I do understand. After the date she said she said a great and enjoyable time. I asked if she would like to meetup again and she said yes. The following two weeks texting became infrequent but she did have midterms so i did not want to bother her as I had them myself but we did text a little that week. The next week she sent me a bunch of texts at once referencing my previous texts and asking how I was doing. So all seemed normal. Responded back to her but she went incognito for a whole week again. When she finally replied that's when it was about not being able to date mainly due to health issues. She did not respond to any of my follow ups to her text. I later tried to call her to see if I was blocked but she did pick up and we talked. Apparently her phone was having trouble receiving messages. I can believe this because my friends with the same kind of phone have had issues in the past like that but I still feel a little weird about it. The other thing I noticed was she did hide her stories on Instagram from me around the time she ended things but did not block me. I do have mutual connections with her and they said that she had only posted one story from when she hid them from me and it was about volunteering for a fundraiser. Not sure what to make of this. We are still matched on Tinder even though her account has been inactive for months. I am also on other dating apps very frequently and have never come across an account for her from when we first started dating til the end. She had mentioned in the past that Tinder was the only one she used. On my last call with her everything went good. She seemed very appreciative that I was checking in on her. When I asked about picking things back up after she gets through her medical issues, she said maybe but preferenced that she will have to see how she is feeling after rehab/recovery. I don't doubt that there is a medical issue but more questioning if she just lost interest in dating me and is just trying to be nice about it. I can say that the infrequent communication broke down right when the health issues started to occur so it was not like this was an issue beforehand. In fact she apologized multiple times about the delayed replies that occured before the last date. The quality(multiple sentences/text lines) of the texts were still there even when they became infrequent so it wasn't like she started to give me short/vague responses either. Wasn't sure if she might have got upset that I hadn't tried to kiss her yet. She did kiss me on the cheek once though. Only had three dates and weren't really in settings that would make it easy for me to make a move (hockey game, gun range, etc). I don't think it was an issue because she was still texting me after the last date. Other than that I feel like I exceeded in all other areas like complimenting her, paying, always asking interesting questions, picking her up, got her a Vday gift, and checking in on her during the health scares to see if she needed anything. Just looking for different views on this and trying to determine if this is permanently over or temporary. Edited May 15 by Bob Howard
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16 Posted May 16 (edited) All you can do is take her at her word, OP. She has shelved this and I don't get the impression she is thinking about rekindling later. She has other issues to focus on and thinking about picking things back up (or not) is not in her mental landscape right now. I will say that it doesn't sound like her interest was all that high. There were only 3 dates and she went long periods wirhout contacting you. This isn't someone who was on the same page as you, whatever the reason may be. I would not hold your breath here, personally. Keep meeting other women. If this one wants to see where things could go later, you'll hear from her. I would otherwise focus on moving forward. Edited May 16 by ExpatInItaly
ShyViolet Posted May 16 Posted May 16 The health issues probably played a big part in her distancing herself from you, but it sounds very likely that she also decided that she was just not that into you. Just respect her decision and move on. There is no point in analyzing it to death, imagining "what if" you had done certain things differently. It wouldn't have made a difference in the grand scheme of things. Either a person is interested in you or not.
Sony12 Posted May 16 Posted May 16 (edited) One thing to remember is that places like Tinder tend to have a lot of people just looking for casual dating (even moreso than other dating apps) so you are probably going to have this issue as long as you stay on Tinder. Where people tend back off when they sense that it isn't becoming casual anymore. Edited May 16 by Sony12
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