Am I a bad step-parent f38

[Vivi86]

Am I a bad step-parent because my partner makes me feel that way. Just because he went out came back I told him I fed the kids hotdogs one of the didn't want fries he had the nerve to say "you need to start acting like a parent!" Did I act wrongly, I am taking care of them I didn't let them starve? I don't believe in forcing a child to eat more than they want. 

[basil67]

Why do I get the feeling that this is not the only issue in your relationship?

[stillafool]

Can you give us more detail?  Was the issue that you should have made more fun or included vegetables with the hot dogs? 

[Georgia46]

17 hours ago, Vivi86 said:

Am I a bad step-parent because my partner makes me feel that way. Just because he went out came back I told him I fed the kids hotdogs one of the didn't want fries he had the nerve to say "you need to start acting like a parent!" Did I act wrongly, I am taking care of them I didn't let them starve? I don't believe in forcing a child to eat more than they want. 

Well I don’t see nothing wrong with a good old hotdog for tea ( I love em) but obvs not every night - and as long as most the time the kids have fruit, veg etc it’s just fine. 
 

his reaction seems rather over the top.   

[MsJayne]

Depends on your actual role within the family unit, how long you've been living with them, how much time you had to prepare the meal, and what type of diet they normally have. Sounds like he's being a bit precious for the sake of it, but you haven't given enough detail for us to know whether he was being unreasonable or not. 

[Sanch62]

It makes no sense to leave one's child in the care of anyone else only to shame that person for their level of care. Either he's tuned in enough to give you proper instructions, or he's ridiculous for expecting perfection--from anyone.

[Vivi86]

It was supposed to be fries and hotdogs. She didn't want fries. The kids don't eat much. He knows that do you force a kid to eat more than they can eat? 

[Vivi86]

20 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Depends on your actual role within the family unit, how long you've been living with them, how much time you had to prepare the meal, and what type of diet they normally have. Sounds like he's being a bit precious for the sake of it, but you haven't given enough detail for us to know whether he was being unreasonable or not. 

I am the step-mom. My partner knows how I am, I am not strict just fair (but him he is all about forcing). They don't like veggies its a nightmare getting them to eat them. It was supposed to be fries and hotdogs (she only wanted a hotdog). And  I did wrong.

[Vivi86]

9 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

It makes no sense to leave one's child in the care of anyone else only to shame that person for their level of care. Either he's tuned in enough to give you proper instructions, or he's ridiculous for expecting perfection--from anyone.

He didn't leave them in a strangers care I am the step-mom. He basically wanted me to act like those bad step-parents in those fairy tails/movies which I am not. 

[Sanch62]

35 minutes ago, Vivi86 said:

He didn't leave them in a strangers care I am the step-mom. He basically wanted me to act like those bad step-parents in those fairy tails/movies which I am not. 

I'd tell him that parenting is his department, not mine. If he'd like me to babysit again, he may want to consider it a favor rather than a given. Otherwise, he's welcome to find himself a better babysitter. I'm not someone to take for granted.

Edited May 13 by Sanch62

[Vivi86]

15 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

I'd tell him that parenting is his department, not mine. If he'd like me to babysit again, he may want to consider it a favor rather than a given. Otherwise, he's welcome to find himself a better babysitter. I'm not someone to take for granted.

Thank you

[MsJayne]

8 hours ago, Vivi86 said:

I am the step-mom. My partner knows how I am, I am not strict just fair (but him he is all about forcing). They don't like veggies its a nightmare getting them to eat them. It was supposed to be fries and hotdogs (she only wanted a hotdog). And  I did wrong.

So, he's ok with hot-dogs for dinner as long as they eat fries? That's ridiculous. That's like being mad at you because you took them to McDonalds instead of Burger King. Usually when kids don't like veges it's because they've had a flavorless introduction to them, and that's not your fault, but if you're concerned about their nutrition take up the challenge. I'd stick it up him by learning to cook vegetables in ways that make them more appealing or disguise them, eg: bolognese sauce or vegetable bake with a cheese sauce, baked pumpkin or sweet potato wedges. You can find lots of recipes online that would help you. Just don't try to sneak broccoli in. The difference between broccoli and snot is that kids won't eat broccoli. 

 https://www.hgtv.com/outdoors/gardens/garden-to-table/12-clever-ways-to-hide-vegetables-to-get-kids-to-eat-pictures#:~:text=Pureed vegetables like broccoli%2C zucchini,kids are happy to eat.

[Vivi86]

On 5/13/2025 at 6:26 AM, MsJayne said:

So, he's ok with hot-dogs for dinner as long as they eat fries? That's ridiculous. That's like being mad at you because you took them to McDonalds instead of Burger King. Usually when kids don't like veges it's because they've had a flavorless introduction to them, and that's not your fault, but if you're concerned about their nutrition take up the challenge. I'd stick it up him by learning to cook vegetables in ways that make them more appealing or disguise them, eg: bolognese sauce or vegetable bake with a cheese sauce, baked pumpkin or sweet potato wedges. You can find lots of recipes online that would help you. Just don't try to sneak broccoli in. The difference between broccoli and snot is that kids won't eat broccoli. 

 https://www.hgtv.com/outdoors/gardens/garden-to-table/12-clever-ways-to-hide-vegetables-to-get-kids-to-eat-pictures#:~:text=Pureed vegetables like broccoli%2C zucchini,kids are happy to eat.

Thank you the kids were never properly introduced to veggies. Anyways its too late. Thanka but it doesn't matter how its cooked they always have something to complain about. I told their dad there's no meal plan I will not force a kid a food they don't want. Thanks but I won't impose i am already doing too much. Thank you again I will share it with my partner.

[Vivi86]

Its mostly that random stuff that sometimes when he doesn't have his facts he blames me like that time his friend came over and was flipping the girls upside down ( who does that?) then the youngest throat started burning. He flat out said it in front of the kids I gave her expired food because my sister left cake bombs (as a normal person) I checked the date they're good. But his reaction was so over the top. I was shocked hos apology was fake because he still blamed me.

[Vivi86]

On 5/11/2025 at 2:06 PM, stillafool said:

Can you give us more detail?  Was the issue that you should have made more fun or included vegetables with the hot dogs? 

The kids hate veggies because both parents lack in that department. In a normal world I'd make veggies. But, knowing these kids it would be hell on earth.

[swirlingcloud]

On 5/11/2025 at 6:00 AM, Vivi86 said:

Am I a bad step-parent because my partner makes me feel that way. Just because he went out came back I told him I fed the kids hotdogs one of the didn't want fries he had the nerve to say "you need to start acting like a parent!" Did I act wrongly, I am taking care of them I didn't let them starve? I don't believe in forcing a child to eat more than they want. 

Why do you need to act like a parent when he's suppose to be the parent? What am I missing? If I let someone else babysit I would be a)happy they were doing it b) not complaining about what kind of food they serve. No, I think it is more your partner that needs to grow up, and appreciate you taking on the role as a stepmom without having tons of demands. Maybe look into why your partner's previous relationship failed, and you will get the answer you need to split as well? Do not take on the blame for this one, please :)

[stillafool]

Are you married to him?  If not, you're not their step parent.  Let him and the children's mother feed the kids what they think they should eat.