WorldTraveler Posted May 10 Posted May 10 How can I be more open minded going into a first date? I've historically been known to self sabotage and start discrediting things about the person before even meeting them and I'm trying to change this. On top of that I tend to put way to much pressure on things and view decision making within relationships with an "all or nothing" approach giving decisions I'm consider a sense of permanence. It's pretty bad and been a work in progress for sure. Currently have a first date this evening and just trying to have fun for a change. But here I am also on the verge of uncertainty with my job as it may present an opportunity in another city... and if this date goes anywhere, I'm prepared to be fully transparent so as not to waste anyone's time. But I'm just afraid of things going well for a change and having to decide between location and woman. But for now I'm trying to just block that all out and first see if we even click, yet here I am miles ahead due to my inability to just stay present. Quote
ShyViolet Posted May 11 Posted May 11 I think this overthinking is a form of anxiety. Recognizing it for what it is, anxiety, may help. And treat it the way you would treat any anxiety. Quote
Sanch62 Posted May 12 Posted May 12 (edited) Decide whether your mind spins are voluntary or whether you are compulsively obsessive and can use some professional treatment to unwind. Most people have some anxiety and excitement about meeting new people but can reduce that down to a simple goal of learning whether they will find a person attractive in person--or not. If not, no big deal. You enjoy a pleasant conversation with a stranger over a coffee, and you've gained some practice for meeting the next person. If you are attracted, you CAN contact that person afterward to invite them out for date--or not. Each step is voluntary; it's not inflicted upon you. You don't need to predict the future to enjoy each step for its own sake. If you cannot narrow down your focus to one step at a time, consider seeking therapeutic help that can teach you how to manage this. Edited May 12 by Sanch62 Quote
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