Gebidozo Posted January 10 Posted January 10 3 hours ago, tazz4 said: I believe you about the couples you mentioned but it seems extremely rare that those kind of guys end up with the women I'm referring to. I have no idea what women you’re referring to, hopefully not the kind that falls for tall, muscular guys who treat them like garbage? Why on Earth would you want to date such women? If you’re simply referring to beautiful, sexy, interesting, attractive women, then it’s not rare at all that charismatic, talented, passionate men who aren’t conventionally handsome end up with such women. At least in my social and professional circles, nobody pays much attention to the looks of the men, it’s all about personality. Maybe it’s just my milieu, which is mainly arts, academia, education, and business. I don’t know very much about other social strata, to be honest.
Author tazz4 Posted January 10 Author Posted January 10 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gebidozo said: No idea. I never used online apps for dating, the whole concept confuses me to no end. I can’t imagine people “matching” each other based on such superficial and criteria as photos and profiles and lists of hobbies. I can never say if a woman is interested or not interested before I have a date with her and look her in the eyes. Also, I can’t get interested in an online profile, either. If I were in your situation, I imagine I wouldn’t quit until I get a clear answer on what day we meet in person. If she said “I can’t day X”, I’d immediately ask “How about day Y?”, and so on. Either we set up a date right there and then, or she keeps refusing to meet me on all the days of this week and the next one. Then I’d know she is definitely not interested and drop it. she mentioned 3 places that she's at once a month and then mentioned how she got to go to Florida and was so happy. this was her reply when I suggested we could go out Saturday or another week. doesn't make any sense to me. like why message me again and say you're interested and then beat around the bush? getting tired of the games. Edited January 10 by tazz4 more descriptive
Author tazz4 Posted January 10 Author Posted January 10 1 hour ago, Gebidozo said: I have no idea what women you’re referring to, hopefully not the kind that falls for tall, muscular guys who treat them like garbage? Why on Earth would you want to date such women? If you’re simply referring to beautiful, sexy, interesting, attractive women, then it’s not rare at all that charismatic, talented, passionate men who aren’t conventionally handsome end up with such women. At least in my social and professional circles, nobody pays much attention to the looks of the men, it’s all about personality. Maybe it’s just my milieu, which is mainly arts, academia, education, and business. I don’t know very much about other social strata, to be honest. it can be superficial. idk how to approach women in person which is why I use the apps
Author tazz4 Posted January 10 Author Posted January 10 1 hour ago, Gebidozo said: I have no idea what women you’re referring to, hopefully not the kind that falls for tall, muscular guys who treat them like garbage? Why on Earth would you want to date such women? If you’re simply referring to beautiful, sexy, interesting, attractive women, then it’s not rare at all that charismatic, talented, passionate men who aren’t conventionally handsome end up with such women. At least in my social and professional circles, nobody pays much attention to the looks of the men, it’s all about personality. Maybe it’s just my milieu, which is mainly arts, academia, education, and business. I don’t know very much about other social strata, to be honest. and those men make various salaries?
Author tazz4 Posted January 10 Author Posted January 10 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: After she said she might have a flight Sunday did you ask her when would be a good time for coffee? What l'm thinking is she got back in touch with you, then she spoke to your commun friend, and he may have said something that made her change her mind. well I told her it sounds like she gets to travel a lot and asked if we should go out Saturday or the following week instead. she didn't answer the question about rescheduling the date but said how she loved traveling and how it's harder to do with cats(we spoke about cats since I had one in my photo) I honestly find it really obnoxious when women play mind games with me. this is part of the reason I get bitter. like why reach out to me in the first place? Just say you're not interested or changed your mind. assuming she just wants attention like a lot of women do online...
basil67 Posted January 10 Posted January 10 3 minutes ago, tazz4 said: I honestly find it really obnoxious when women play mind games with me. this is part of the reason I get bitter. like why reach out to me in the first place? Just say you're not interested or changed your mind. assuming she just wants attention like a lot of women do online... So block her
Georgia46 Posted January 10 Posted January 10 Sadly there are lots of people, both on and offline who like to play games . It’s because they aren’t happy in their own lives.
Foxhall Posted January 10 Posted January 10 All you can do is your best and learn from what you did wrong or learn from previous inadequacies as you go along, everyone gets a few chances- every dog has his day, Personally Ive had a few chances with love and blown them but I still think Ill get a few more, your describing there about a girl not texting you back- im probably having a similar scenario just now of someone I had a decent date with a week ago and has not replied to me since, the difference is I am more ambivalent to it now, I dont care if she texts me back or does not, if she does I think I can make headway , if not no hassle it was nice to meet her once or twice, get yourself in the mix and enjoy small victories, dont put excess pressure on yourself - there are times when you need to be brave but for the time being I would not force things. 1
Gebidozo Posted January 10 Posted January 10 5 hours ago, tazz4 said: and those men make various salaries? Obviously, like everyone else. What does this have to do with anything?
Gebidozo Posted January 10 Posted January 10 2 hours ago, tazz4 said: I honestly find it really obnoxious when women play mind games with me. this is part of the reason I get bitter. Nobody is playing mind games with you. Women have the right to change their mind about liking or disliking you or any other guy at any time. You continue to hold the false view that women owe you something. I could have understood bitterness if your wife of 30 years suddenly leaves you out of nowhere for another guy or something like that. But to be bitter at women and life because some stranger online isn’t communicating clearly for whatever reason is pure madness. You have issues with envy, rage, bitterness, and other negative emotions that are ruining your life. You need professional help. If your therapist isn’t telling you at least what we’re telling you here, you should find a better therapist. 1
Author tazz4 Posted January 11 Author Posted January 11 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Obviously, like everyone else. What does this have to do with anything? because I feel like if a less than conventionally attractive or below average guy is with a girl who is at least somewhat conventionally attractive makes good money to make up for lack of physical appearance. I didn't exactly ask that question clearly lol my bad Edited January 11 by tazz4
Author tazz4 Posted January 11 Author Posted January 11 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Nobody is playing mind games with you. Women have the right to change their mind about liking or disliking you or any other guy at any time. You continue to hold the false view that women owe you something. I could have understood bitterness if your wife of 30 years suddenly leaves you out of nowhere for another guy or something like that. But to be bitter at women and life because some stranger online isn’t communicating clearly for whatever reason is pure madness. You have issues with envy, rage, bitterness, and other negative emotions that are ruining your life. You need professional help. If your therapist isn’t telling you at least what we’re telling you here, you should find a better therapist. I'm not saying they owe me something I'm saying she should say she isn't interested at the time instead of beating around the bush. I'd rather her just ghost me at that point. She answers my other questions but doesn't say anything about me trying to plan a date. But yea, you're right about the online stranger thing I guess. I'm over it. I barely knnow anything about her. I guess I overreacted. I feel like I only get chances once in a blue moon. I don't know if my luck with dating is a reflection of my luck trying to get a date offline. My therapist is saying similar things to what you guys are saying to some extent. I just don't know when it will resonate with me. That's my problem I guess. Edited January 11 by tazz4
Gebidozo Posted January 11 Posted January 11 35 minutes ago, tazz4 said: because I feel like if a less than conventionally attractive or below average guy is with a girl who is at least somewhat conventionally attractive makes good money to make up for lack of physical appearance. Well, I’m an average looking guy and my fiancée is gorgeous. She earns about the same as I do and doesn’t need a man to provide for her. If you ask her whether my money makes up for my lack of physical appearance, she wouldn’t even understand the question. Both physical appearance and money are lower on her list of preferences than personality, spiritual values, intelligence, talent, and so on. Money makes up for lack of physical appearance only to those who value money and physical appearance above other traits. But are you even sure that you want to date such women? I wouldn’t.
Author tazz4 Posted January 11 Author Posted January 11 4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Well, I’m an average looking guy and my fiancée is gorgeous. She earns about the same as I do and doesn’t need a man to provide for her. If you ask her whether my money makes up for my lack of physical appearance, she wouldn’t even understand the question. Both physical appearance and money are lower on her list of preferences than personality, spiritual values, intelligence, talent, and so on. Money makes up for lack of physical appearance only to those who value money and physical appearance above other traits. But are you even sure that you want to date such women? I wouldn’t. There are always rare exceptions. And no I don't want to date someone who only cared about looks and money and nothing else.
Gebidozo Posted January 11 Posted January 11 5 hours ago, tazz4 said: There are always rare exceptions But these aren’t exceptions. I know a lot of men who aren’t conventionally handsome but who have beautiful girlfriends and wives. I also know couples where the man is more conventionally attractive than the woman. So what? As long as they are happy, what’s the problem? Why do you care so much who chooses to be with whom and for what reasons? 5 hours ago, tazz4 said: And no I don't want to date someone who only cared about looks and money and nothing else. Then why are you so envious of those tall, rich, muscular guys who get hundreds of likes? Obviously, they are getting most of those likes from women who mostly care about looks and money. If that isn’t the type of women that you want to date, why do you care whom they date?
zuzu420 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 Started chatting with this girl on the bumble dating app who messaged me a few days ago. We work in similar fields in cancer research and we were discussing phobias of research animals. I mentioned that I'm not a fan of pigeons and kind of scared of them and then she told said that "it must be fun walking through the city with you. I'd protect you." So thats when I suggested that we go for a walk this sunday to get to know each other better and she said she was visiting her parents and didn't offer a different possible date to meet. instead of me asking for another day to have a date I simply told her no worries and that it was a short notice and that we could talk a bit more first. Should I have just suggested a different day or is this just her not being interested and maybe I should just unmatch her? Quote
Georgia46 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 Welll… she could either be genuinely visiting her parents, or it could have just been an excuse. so maybe go on the positive & think she was visiting them…how about giving it a few days, suggesting a different date and seeing what she says? you’ll know for sure then and it would be a shame to unmatch when it could be a fab connection
fred123 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 4 hours ago, Georgia46 said: Welll… she could either be genuinely visiting her parents, or it could have just been an excuse. so maybe go on the positive & think she was visiting them…how about giving it a few days, suggesting a different date and seeing what she says? you’ll know for sure then and it would be a shame to unmatch when it could be a fab connection Are u a woman? This is awful.advice. u have asked the girl out. She couldn't make it. If she was excited or into you most women would say "hey csnt do Sunday I'm with parents but how about ...." This girl isn't feeling u move on. Women who are into u u will know. Ur gut is right
Sony12 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 It's an excuse. At the same time though you should never ask for a meet by suggesting a walk immediately. You bring up meeting at a public venue and then if you hit it off you can then potentially bring up going for a walk. Women get raped and killed by strange men in situations like that when they put themselves in vulnerable situations with complete strangers. So you should wait until she feels more comfortable with you before suggesting you two being alone together.
ShyViolet Posted May 10 Posted May 10 I think unmatching her just for this would be giving up too quickly. I think it's worth one more try.... wait a few days then ask her out again. If she gives another excuse then definitely move on.
Georgia46 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 5 hours ago, fred123 said: Are u a woman? This is awful.advice. u have asked the girl out. She couldn't make it. If she was excited or into you most women would say "hey csnt do Sunday I'm with parents but how about ...." This girl isn't feeling u move on. Women who are into u u will know. Ur gut is right Yesss im a woman. oops sorry Fred for my *awful* advice. she could be not interested, but she could of been telling the truth… so I wouldn’t jump to conclusions off the bat. your gut is 90% right , agreed, but hmmmm nothing to lose either way.
Acacia98 Posted May 10 Posted May 10 I wouldn't ask her out again. But I wouldn't rush to unfriend her either. I'd give her a few days to respond (5-7 days), and if I didn't hear from her within that period and she had clearly been online, I would unfriend her.
smackie9 Posted May 11 Posted May 11 You are the man, ....women (most) expect you to take the lead and initiate. Take one more hit at it. If there is more excuses then you quit it. 1
introverted1 Posted May 11 Posted May 11 On 5/10/2025 at 12:32 AM, zuzu420 said: I simply told her no worries and that it was a short notice and that we could talk a bit more first Do what you said you were going to do.
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