Dating at Work Disaster

[zetamega]

11 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

Okay, so now you're the one going overboard with your spin. If your goal is to get out of this disturbed woman's spotlight without a risk to your job, then the best thing that could happen for you would be a transfer of her focus to someone else.

Let her move on to new horizons, whether that's a new job or just another co-worker. Keep your focus on your own paper, and don't get derailed by some kid.

It's not spin, I'm just thinking out loud here. You do realize there are people who are sick in the head and like drama and like to mess with other people? I'm just pointing that out. 

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, zetamega said:

It's not spin, I'm just thinking out loud here. You do realize there are people who are sick in the head and like drama and like to mess with other people? I'm just pointing that out. 

Your situation isn't really that complicated. I am beginning to think you are in actuality enjoying the drama.

[zetamega]

9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

The reason I beg to differ is because of you what you yourself wrote here: 

I would explore why you are so stuck on this. It was a bit of texing and a woman who maybe rides a bike sometimes.  Had you been a bit lonely in love prior to this? What was your dating life like up until that point? 

Stuck because of the workplace. 

In my 20s I was different. Bouncing from bed to bed was common practice. Not to gloat, it just how I was then. In my 30s I changed as I wanted more substance. I got more into my hobbies and wanted a companion who shared similar interests. Dated a couple of women but it wouldn't have led to marriage and decided to end it. 

I don't have problems meeting women. It's the women I'm meeting.

[zetamega]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Your situation isn't really that complicated. I am beginning to think you are in actuality enjoying the drama.

Actually I don't. It's annoying.

[Sony12]

Just now, zetamega said:

Actually I don't. It's annoying.

Then simply only talk to her about business matters then. You are beginning to turn this into a far bigger deal than it really is.

[zetamega]

3 hours ago, BaileyB said:

This is why it’s not advised to date someone that you work with - 

Honestly, the behavior of this woman and the coworkers would make almost anyone decide to put some distance between them - particularly because it’s a workplace. The fact that you haven’t really done that is concerning…

I agree. 

It's hard to do that because of the set up at work. 

[zetamega]

Just now, Sony12 said:

Then simply only talk to her about business matters then. You are beginning to turn this into a far bigger deal than it really is.

I'm answering all these questions in this thread. Have you read them? Many theories and interpretations. 

Let me be simple: There was a possibility for something good. It didn't happen. I'd like to move on from it but the immaturity of my coworkers keep it going. Now I'm trying to get past it.

[zetamega]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

There was no 180.  Your opening post was about a woman who was clearly not into you.  I don't know why the guys at work were messing with you, but they were.   Her behaviour after she withdrew her resignation was not signals, but more likely the behaviour of an immature young woman.   And I agree with the poster who suggested that she did it because you were 'safe'.  You're so much older that anything romantic actually happening would not have occurred to her.    

When my daughter was her age, she considered men over the age of 27 to be ancient.

 

You're 100% off. 

That's your daughter's opinion. Not the opinion of every 22 year old woman. 

[Sony12]

7 minutes ago, zetamega said:

I'm answering all these questions in this thread. Have you read them? Many theories and interpretations. 

Let me be simple: There was a possibility for something good. It didn't happen. I'd like to move on from it but the immaturity of my coworkers keep it going. Now I'm trying to get past it.

The fact that you as a late 30 something year old man would think there was the possibility of something good happening with a 22 year old coworker is a little concerning.

[zetamega]

5 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Ok now this thread is starting to make me scratch my head a little bit. We got a person who is a little uncomfortable with a coworker and doesn't really want to have much to do with her. Fine. Completely understandable. However they are continuing to go on and on about it. That makes me think that the OP is actually kind of enjoying the drama. Either within this thread or within the real life experience.

No. I was being honest in every question being asked. Did I like the idea of her and I riding together? Sure. Am I disappointed it didn't happen? Sure. Do I like this drama going on? No. If I were her age, I would probably be ticked off and getting into a fight with a coworker. Now I'm more seasoned, had experiences with a variety women. When something doesn't go right with a woman I can shrug it off. However this workplace dynamic has thrown a wrench into it. That's why I'm a bit frustrated.

[zetamega]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

The fact that you as a late 30 something year old man would think there was the possibility of something good happening with a 22 year old coworker is a little concerning.

Huh?

Something good translation: companion to go riding with and maybe more. Doesn't matter if she's 22, 32, 42 or 52. 

[zetamega]

9 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Perhaps you need to sign up on a few dating apps/sites and start actively dating. Redirecting your attention to saner, more productive situations may make it easier for you to truly stop caring about the strange dynamic at work.

Using dating apps / sites is not redirecting my attention to a saner more productive situation. I would rather go with my buddies on a hiking trip. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, zetamega said:

the immaturity of my coworkers keep it going

What exactly are your coworkers doing or saying? 

[Acacia98]

4 hours ago, zetamega said:

Using dating apps / sites is not redirecting my attention to a saner more productive situation. I would rather go with my buddies on a hiking trip. 

It could be if you're looking to date someone and are good at figuring out who's likely to be a good match and who isn't. People on dating apps/sites are usually there because they actually want to date. A lot of the time, they're people you don't work with, and if someone proves to be a mismatch, you can move on without having to worry about workplace politics or what HR will think.

If you don't want to date, that's fine. But you are the one who said it would sting if this woman started seeing someone else. So, clearly, there is some kind of vacuum in your life (a desire to connect romantically with someone?) that going hiking with your buddies won't fill.

Edited May 12 by Acacia98

[basil67]

5 hours ago, zetamega said:

Dated a couple of women but it wouldn't have led to marriage and decided to end it.

Of course, dating a 22yo wouldn't have led to marriage either.   She's still young and silly and probably doesn't want kids for another 10 years.   And she'd likely want a partner who isn't so much older than her when she does

[zetamega]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What exactly are your coworkers doing or saying? 

Other day one of my coworkers said to me he ran into her and two other coworkers at a take out place. He says to me, “I think so and so is going to make a move on her. To let you know.”

I replied, “Good luck to him.”

It felt like he was trying to screw with my head. Was there a need to tell me this?

[zetamega]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Of course, dating a 22yo wouldn't have led to marriage either.   She's still young and silly and probably doesn't want kids for another 10 years.   And she'd likely want a partner who isn't so much older than her when she does

Odds are yes here in the West. In other countries, I know that’s not to be true.

[zetamega]

3 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

It could be if you're looking to date someone and are good at figuring out who's likely to be a good match and who isn't. People on dating apps/sites are usually there because they actually want to date. A lot of the time, they're people you don't work with, and if someone proves to be a mismatch, you can move on without having to worry about workplace politics or what HR will think.

If you don't want to date, that's fine. But you are the one who said it would sting if this woman started seeing someone else. So, clearly, there is some kind of vacuum in your life (a desire to connect romantically with someone?) that going hiking with your buddies won't fill.

This is a first time experience for me. Usually if things don’t work out, I don’t see the person again. It’s done and over with. 

Not the case with this current situation.

It’s just a weird feeling, sensation I’m getting. Not sure why. It kinda feels like, okay you’re not going to react to my games so I’ll up the ante and start hooking up and being happy with another coworker in front of your face.

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, zetamega said:

This is a first time experience for me. Usually if things don’t work out, I don’t see the person again. It’s done and over with. 

Not the case with this current situation.

It’s just a weird feeling, sensation I’m getting. Not sure why. It kinda feels like, okay you’re not going to react to my games so I’ll up the ante and start hooking up and being happy with another coworker in front of your face.

Is she hooking up with another co-worker?   Please forgive me if I missed that update.   

[zetamega]

19 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Is she hooking up with another co-worker?   Please forgive me if I missed that update.   

No worries. They’ve been spending a lot of time together. Supposedly the guy has said no but rumors are they are on the down low. This guy has a reputation of being dirty. 

[basil67]

57 minutes ago, zetamega said:

No worries. They’ve been spending a lot of time together. Supposedly the guy has said no but rumors are they are on the down low. This guy has a reputation of being dirty. 

The rumour mill is what got you in this mess in the first place.   Stay away from the rumours and people who spread them

Anyway, if it's on the down low, then it's not in your face. 

[zetamega]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The rumour mill is what got you in this mess in the first place.   Stay away from the rumours and people who spread them

Anyway, if it's on the down low, then it's not in your face. 

She is the one who created all of this drama. I should’ve ignored her and not do the bike ride invite. Lesson learned.

As long as it’s not in my face then not a problem. If it happens though in front of my face then it will be a problem.

 

[Sanch62]

7 minutes ago, zetamega said:

If it happens though in front of my face then it will be a problem.

Well, that's your own choice to make it your own problem. Good luck with that.

[zetamega]

14 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

Well, that's your own choice to make it your own problem. Good luck with that.

That’s just unprofessional. Keep it private and away from the workplace.

[SurfCity]

49 minutes ago, zetamega said:

As long as it’s not in my face then not a problem. If it happens though in front of my face then it will be a problem.

What exactly do you think is going to happen in your face? The MOST you will see is them walking in the parking lot holding hands on their way to the car at the end of the workday. And you'd have to be looking pretty hard to see that. They're not going to be kissing in the office or calling each other "baby" in the office; so even if she does date someone else who works there, it wouldn't be in your face. 

And it's still not clear why her dating someone else would even be a problem. You didn't go on one date with this girl. Almost all communication between you and her has involved your co-workers...there was never any personal connection between you two.

You need to at least consider that the male co-workers feeding you all this information about her haven't been honest with you. Because nothing they've said matches up with her behavior other than her riding a bike to work. 

2 hours ago, zetamega said:

Other day one of my coworkers said to me he ran into her and two other coworkers at a take out place. He says to me, “I think so and so is going to make a move on her. To let you know.”

That would've been the perfect time to say, "I'm not interested in hearing about that."