Georgia46 Posted May 13 Posted May 13 3 hours ago, zetamega said: Odds are yes here in the West. In other countries, I know that’s not to be true. Just being nosy but whereabouts do you live?
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13 Posted May 13 4 hours ago, zetamega said: Other day one of my coworkers said to me he ran into her and two other coworkers at a take out place. He says to me, “I think so and so is going to make a move on her. To let you know.” Eh, while it wasn't necessary to tell you, I don't think it's as malicious as you're interpreting it, either. It sounds llike he simpy knew you have the hots for her and wanted to give you the heads-up. In the future, just say you're not interested in knowing these details. I don't think anyone is that invested in trying to screw with you. 4 hours ago, zetamega said: Odds are yes here in the West. In other countries, I know that’s not to be true. Are you in those other countries? If not, I don't see how that is relevant to your situation. 2 hours ago, zetamega said: If it happens though in front of my face then it will be a problem. If what happens in front of your face, exactly? I don't get what you think you would be front-row witness to, nor what you think you would do abou tit. She is allowed to date someone els, but it's unlikely they'd be all over each other right there for all their coworkers to see. I still think you are in your own head way too much and somehow think everyone else's behaviour is directed at you. That's a rather self-centred perspective. I doubt they care as much about you and messing with you or playing with you as you seem to be convinced. I am sure they all have more interesting things to do.
Author zetamega Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 11 hours ago, Georgia46 said: Just being nosy but whereabouts do you live? USA 1
Author zetamega Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 13 hours ago, SurfCity said: What exactly do you think is going to happen in your face? The MOST you will see is them walking in the parking lot holding hands on their way to the car at the end of the workday. And you'd have to be looking pretty hard to see that. They're not going to be kissing in the office or calling each other "baby" in the office; so even if she does date someone else who works there, it wouldn't be in your face. You never know with people. They're people who like to get under your skin.
Author zetamega Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Eh, while it wasn't necessary to tell you, I don't think it's as malicious as you're interpreting it, either. It sounds llike he simpy knew you have the hots for her and wanted to give you the heads-up. In the future, just say you're not interested in knowing these details. I don't think anyone is that invested in trying to screw with you. Are you in those other countries? If not, I don't see how that is relevant to your situation. If what happens in front of your face, exactly? I don't get what you think you would be front-row witness to, nor what you think you would do abou tit. She is allowed to date someone els, but it's unlikely they'd be all over each other right there for all their coworkers to see. I still think you are in your own head way too much and somehow think everyone else's behaviour is directed at you. That's a rather self-centred perspective. I doubt they care as much about you and messing with you or playing with you as you seem to be convinced. I am sure they all have more interesting things to do. I think you're under estimating how people can be jerks. I hope you're right though.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13 Posted May 13 6 minutes ago, zetamega said: I think you're under estimating how people can be jerks. Nope, I am definitely not. I have met some people who much worse than your coworkers. I just doubt any of this matters as much to them as you fear it does.
Author zetamega Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I just doubt any of this matters as much to them as you fear it does. I'm here with them you're not. So I'm not sure how you can say this.
Georgia46 Posted May 13 Posted May 13 Wellll.. is there anyone else you could have a roll about in the hay with instead? might be less stressful than the work colleague
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13 Posted May 13 1 hour ago, zetamega said: I'm here with them you're not. So I'm not sure how you can say this. Because most people generally don't care as much about us as we think. I don't need to be there to say so. You have already shown a few times in this thread that you feel a lof their behaviour is all about you, even refuting the very simple possibility that if this woman hooks up with someone else, it can't be because she finds said guy hot and wants to have sex with him. No, it must be because she wants to stick it you. You've made yourself the main character without actually having any clue if this people are giving you that much thought. Sometimes we do this when another explanation - that we just don't matter that much to someone - hurts a lot more. So we hang on to the theory that suggests we're important in some small way, such as being the real reason the person chooses to hook up with someone else. That may be an easier pill to swalow because it's not as resoundingly rejecting as, "well, she's not that into me and likes someone else." Is this woman so upset with you that she would hook up with someone else to make you jealous? Anything is possible. Do I think it's probabe? Not really. But since you are convinced this situation matters to all these people, explore this: why would they be that interested in your love life? 1
Acacia98 Posted May 13 Posted May 13 21 hours ago, zetamega said: This is a first time experience for me. Usually if things don’t work out, I don’t see the person again. It’s done and over with. Not the case with this current situation. It’s just a weird feeling, sensation I’m getting. Not sure why. It kinda feels like, okay you’re not going to react to my games so I’ll up the ante and start hooking up and being happy with another coworker in front of your face. You honestly need something to redirect your attention to so that you can push all this stuff to the background. Have you heard of "grey rocking"? It's directly relevant to what we're discussing. Look it up on Google.
Author zetamega Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 3 hours ago, Georgia46 said: Wellll.. is there anyone else you could have a roll about in the hay with instead? might be less stressful than the work colleague working on it
Author zetamega Posted May 13 Author Posted May 13 47 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: You honestly need something to redirect your attention to so that you can push all this stuff to the background. Have you heard of "grey rocking"? It's directly relevant to what we're discussing. Look it up on Google. I'll get past this. Just need some time and maybe take some vacation time away from work. 1
Acacia98 Posted May 14 Posted May 14 1 hour ago, zetamega said: I'll get past this. Just need some time and maybe take some vacation time away from work. Yes. And look up "grey rocking."
Georgia46 Posted May 14 Posted May 14 12 hours ago, zetamega said: working on it This thread has made me laugh. reminds me of my workplace - blooody nuts. don’t forget to update what happens I’m invested
Author zetamega Posted May 15 Author Posted May 15 On 5/14/2025 at 6:50 AM, Georgia46 said: This thread has made me laugh. reminds me of my workplace - blooody nuts. don’t forget to update what happens I’m invested One of my coworkers is moving on. He came to me and apologized. He said he was part of the gossip behind my back but just listened, he didn't say anything. Whatever that means. I told him I would accept the apology but wanted to know what's going on. He said the woman did in fact like me and another coworker I mentioned previously, he liked her. Him and another coworker (they're like best friends) started to tell her I was too old, a boring guy, not someone she should date. They went a bit further and told her I said things about her which explains why she would have gotten upset with me. She lost interest in me and she's now interested in him. They have been hooking up. After hearing all of this, I'm relieved but also angry that people would behave this way. Now I'm thinking how to go about this.
flitzanu Posted May 15 Posted May 15 54 minutes ago, zetamega said: One of my coworkers is moving on. He came to me and apologized. He said he was part of the gossip behind my back but just listened, he didn't say anything. Whatever that means. I told him I would accept the apology but wanted to know what's going on. He said the woman did in fact like me and another coworker I mentioned previously, he liked her. Him and another coworker (they're like best friends) started to tell her I was too old, a boring guy, not someone she should date. They went a bit further and told her I said things about her which explains why she would have gotten upset with me. She lost interest in me and she's now interested in him. They have been hooking up. After hearing all of this, I'm relieved but also angry that people would behave this way. Now I'm thinking how to go about this. there is no "go about this" you ignore it, and stop communicating with these people, you are going to find yourself in a sexual harassment issue with your job and find yourself fired.
basil67 Posted May 15 Posted May 15 6 hours ago, zetamega said: After hearing all of this, I'm relieved but also angry that people would behave this way. Now I'm thinking how to go about this. I know you're adamant that dating a woman so much younger than you can work. But when you date someone so very young, you're also likely to have to deal with the fickleness of youth. And honestly, dating a woman so young, and more importantly, a woman you work (!) with was a very foolish choice on your side and you're now getting consequences of your choice. Date outside of work and choose women who are in the same life stage as you
SurfCity Posted May 16 Posted May 16 Quote Him and another coworker (they're like best friends) started to tell her I was too old, a boring guy, not someone she should date. They went a bit further and told her I said things about her which explains why she would have gotten upset with me. Kind of almost exactly like I said. You can't trust what your male co-workers are/were doing or saying about her: On 5/12/2025 at 7:58 PM, SurfCity said: You need to at least consider that the male co-workers feeding you all this information about her haven't been honest with you. Because nothing they've said matches up with her behavior other than her riding a bike to work. I hope you don't believe a word out of his mouth, you can't trust a word he says. She's dating someone else now, so just leave it alone.
Author zetamega Posted May 16 Author Posted May 16 23 hours ago, flitzanu said: there is no "go about this" you ignore it, and stop communicating with these people, you are going to find yourself in a sexual harassment issue with your job and find yourself fired. Go about this as in how to handle these jerks who bad mouthed me. Doesn't make for a non-toxic environment.
Author zetamega Posted May 16 Author Posted May 16 (edited) 18 hours ago, basil67 said: I know you're adamant that dating a woman so much younger than you can work. But when you date someone so very young, you're also likely to have to deal with the fickleness of youth. And honestly, dating a woman so young, and more importantly, a woman you work (!) with was a very foolish choice on your side and you're now getting consequences of your choice. Date outside of work and choose women who are in the same life stage as you I'm not adamant at all. I do agree about dating at work. It was a mistake making the riding overture. Edited May 16 by zetamega
ThorLyonsSalem Posted May 17 Posted May 17 Everyone in this sounds very immature. But aside from this particular situation, you must realize that coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think that they are because you are going to spend more time with them than you will anyone else in life while on this job. You must not socialize with them much, don't share much about yourself with them, and practice polite indifference towards them. Because they can and will take things about you (even ridiculous things like if you said your favorite color is blue) and use it against you. This should be a lesson to you not to be so friendly with them. I learned these things the hard way on my first job.
Georgia46 Posted May 17 Posted May 17 On 5/15/2025 at 6:16 PM, zetamega said: One of my coworkers is moving on. He came to me and apologized. He said he was part of the gossip behind my back but just listened, he didn't say anything. Whatever that means. I told him I would accept the apology but wanted to know what's going on. He said the woman did in fact like me and another coworker I mentioned previously, he liked her. Him and another coworker (they're like best friends) started to tell her I was too old, a boring guy, not someone she should date. They went a bit further and told her I said things about her which explains why she would have gotten upset with me. She lost interest in me and she's now interested in him. They have been hooking up. After hearing all of this, I'm relieved but also angry that people would behave this way. Now I'm thinking how to go about this. Well if she decided to believe what they said and she decided to hook up elsewhere then that’s on her. I feel like you may have had a lucky escape as she’s very immature. Just let it all go. 1
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