Keep being rejected for virginity at my age, what else can I do?

[SpiritedAwayfromHell]

For what it's worth I usually date 4 years in my age range (mainly because I want to have kids one day and with women older than 36 that'll be hard).

 

Last year I asked out roughly 30 women irl. All of them rejected me and one reported me to HR and I got in a lot of trouble. I've been banned from bars for "shooting my shot too many times" (manager's exact words even though it was only 6) and tinder has been useless.

 

It's literally JUST inexperience that's the issue. Almost every woman I've met has picked up on my inexperience and said they don't want to be my teacher. Even had people tell me to give up forever because I’ll never possibly catch up after all these years (and how all these failed attempts have probably ruined me).

 

Almost none of the women I go for are attractive to me.  I’ve lowered my standards so much that it became too obvious and had to slightly raise them again.  So “standards too high” isn’t my issue.

 

The years before, I've been rejected about ten times each so not as much as 2024, but it's still a lot.

What else can I do to find a life partner?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, SpiritedAwayfromHell said:

Last year I asked out roughly 30 women irl. All of them rejected me and one reported me to HR and I got in a lot of trouble. I've been banned from bars for "shooting my shot too many times" (manager's exact words even though it was only 6) and tinder has been useless.

 

It's literally JUST inexperience that's the issue

No, it's not just inexperience. 

Unless you were telling all these women right away that you are a virgin, that is not the problem. They wouldn't know you are a virgin from the get-go otherwise. There is something even in your approach that it making women uncomfortable. 

Whar are you saying to them when you try to "shoot your shot"? 

[Sanch62]

Are you wearing a t-shirt or a sign that says, "I'm a virgin..."?

If not, then your virginity is not why they are turning you down for a date.

[Sony12]

How many of these women were at your workplace? You mentioned one of them got you in trouble. Asking people out at work is something you have to be extremely careful about.

Sounds like you are pretty social awkward. That likely has far more to do with it than being a virgin. Become more comfortable in social situations and you should start seeing people respond to you better.

[Gebidozo]

It can’t be only your inexperience that leads to such failures, OP. It is simply not possible. There are enough women in this world who don’t mind a virgin partner, and some even like virgin men specifically.

Whatever is causing this, it’s not your virginity per se. It must be something in your personality and attitude that turns women off. 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, Gebidozo said:

It can’t be only your inexperience that leads to such failures, OP. It is simply not possible. There are enough women in this world who don’t mind a virgin partner, and some even like virgin men specifically.

Whatever is causing this, it’s not your virginity per se. It must be something in your personality and attitude that turns women off. 

The very fact he said he asked out 30 women last year in real life and all of them turned him down indicates that he is likely going up to women he barely knows and asks them out on dates. He also indicated that he is asking women out at the workplace. Asking 30 women out a year would basically be asking someone out every other week or so (on average). I highly doubt he knows enough people to be doing that. There are people that legitimately know enough people to do that but generally those are college age kids who run in party crowds.

[smackie9]

I think you are being way too aggressive and you lack the ability to understand social cues. If a woman isn't engaging in good conversation with you, and you are finding her looking around, or not at you, that's a pretty good indication she wants to be left alone. Hitting on multiple women at a gathering is an annoyance and down right creepy. Sounds to me you don't take no for an answer and are too pushy. If you want to score, dress to impress...not dress up, but dress trendy, classic, real nice for the occasion. A nice pair of shoes goes a long way. Then be a total gentleman. Be comfortable, laid back, not intimidating, have manners, intellectually be stimulating. Don't do any of this pickup crap that you have been doing. 

Edited May 4 by smackie9

[Els]

Let me get this straight... You were literally reported to HR and banned from a bar, and you think the problem is "your virginity"???

What magic powers exactly do you think having sex gives you?

 

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Els said:

Let me get this straight... You were literally reported to HR and banned from a bar, and you think the problem is "your virginity"???

What magic powers exactly do you think having sex gives you?

 

Yep. Anyone who gets banned from a bar for making women uncomfortable needs to rethink how they are approaching women.

[ShyViolet]

If you were reported to HR and banned from a bar, there is something you are doing that is coming off as creepy and inappropriate to people.  I highly doubt that your virginity is the issue here.  Something about your approach and the way you talk to people is off-putting.  You need to seriously reflect on the way you have been approaching and talking to people and whether it is coming off as creepy.